Secrets of the Past
by TamSibling
Summary: With the crew still reeling from the loss of Book and Wash, everyone needs to regroup. Unfortunately for Inara, a family emergency forces her back to Sihnon where she is forced to confront even more distressing news. Mal:Inara, Kaylee:Simon.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Secrets of the Past

Pairing: Mal/Inara, Simon/Kaylee

Rating: R

Timeline: Post-BDM

Summary: With the crew still reeling from the loss of Book and Wash, everyone needs to regroup. Unfortunately for Inara, a family emergency forces her back to Sihnon where she is forced to confront even more distressing news.

A/N: This is another of those fics that's been languishing on my hard drive for a few years. It is multi-chapter and is more heavily Mal/Inara than most of my others. I'll post the chapters fairly quickly since it's all done. Enjoy!

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Chapter 1

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Inara walked through the ship in her slipper-shod feet, the gentle hum of the spinning engine comforting her in ways she had never thought possible. Inara had been raised on a Central planet, surrounded by every luxury man could afford, and yet, she had found peace and belonging on an outdated tramp freighter, with an eclectic crew and an at times infuriating and adorable captain.

Smiling slightly at the thought of Malcolm Reynolds, Inara paused in the dining room, taking in the space with a knowing eye. The stenciling on the wall by the galley was Kaylee's touch, of course, as warm and homey as the girl who had painted it. There was the large wooden table where she had sat down for meals, enjoying conversation and laughter far into the night. As she resumed walking, her hands glided over the backs of the chairs, resting for a second on the two that would be empty from now on.

Shivering slightly, she pulled her robe more snugly about her shoulders and headed for the bridge. She had suspected that's where Mal would be. It was no secret to anyone on board that he was barely sleeping, instead choosing to spend his nights sitting up in the dark, staring at the stars. Inara had asked Simon just the other day if there might be something the young doctor could prescribe for the man, but with a quick shake of his head, Simon informed her he had already tried and been rebuffed.

Of course, this did not surprise Inara in the slightest. Mal was fiercely proud and while she knew that his body still needed rest in order to recover from the plethora of injuries the Operative had saddled him with, now that he was no longer under twenty-four hour medical surveillance, his conscience was dictating his sleeping patterns, as well as his eating ones. She had watched him pick at his plate all through dinner, watched as he'd barely said more than a few sentences to the rest of them, before rising swiftly and leaving the room.

It had only been two months since Miranda and Inara was still grieving, just as Mal was. But she knew that it went deeper than that for him. She knew that his time in Serenity Valley, when he'd been surrounded by dying men who had entrusted their lives to him, had scarred him deeply. She also knew that he'd sworn several times to never be in such a situation again. And yet he was.

He'd allowed himself to make friends, build a family, as ragtag as it may be, and now, he'd allowed two of them to die. No one else thought of it this way, least of all Zoe who, out of all of them, had the most right. But Mal thought that way and Inara wished she knew how to convince him otherwise.

Ascending the few steps to the bridge, she rested her hand against the bulkhead, taking in the back of Mal's head as he stared out the canopy before him. Hesitating, Inara swallowed thickly. There were so many things she wanted to tell him, so many things she'd been dying to say since he'd come charging to her rescue at the training house. But every time she thought she might have a chance, Inara found her courage failing and the moment would again pass in silence. Most of her reticence, she was sure, was because of Mal. Inara knew that they meant more to each other than just captain and crew; she'd never been a part of his crew to begin with. But their relationship had never been easy and had become civil only very recently.

However, when Inara was alone in her shuttle, on the nights she felt the most vulnerable, she would think about Mal and all he meant to her; all he could mean to her. She would think about Simon and Kaylee and how ridiculously happy her two friends were since they had finally decided to be together. Inara was thrilled for her mei mei, if anyone in the 'verse deserved to be happy it was Kaylee; but Inara also secretly wished she could be happy too. And she had a sneaking suspicion that being with Mal, as more than a friend, more than a tenant, might be the key to that elusive elation.

"Go 'way, Albatross." Mal's harsh voice pulled her from her musings and Inara took another step onto the bridge as he added, "I ain't goin' to bed, so stop tryin' to spook me."

Smiling slightly at the thought of River doing her best to chase the captain from his own cockpit, she cleared her throat softly and told him, "It's not River, Mal."

Swiveling quickly, his blue eyes so hollow now, took in her form with a bit of surprise, before settling again into blankness. As it became apparent he would not speak, Inara moved towards him and leaned against the console facing him. "Although, remind me to thank her next time I see her." As he viewed her quizzically, she explained, "Despite the outcome, anyone who's trying to get you to sleep deserves a medal in my book."

Snorting with a hint of laughter, Mal's eyes drifted back to the console before him and a tense silence permeated the air. Inara hated this most of all. She hated that she was unable to reach him now. He wouldn't even pick a fight with her. And when she had tried to pick a fight with him, it had ended very badly. Feeling more trepidation mounting, Inara did her best to push it aside. Reaching out a hand, she rested it to his shoulder, not surprised by the shocked look her fixed her with. Holding her ground, she smiled softly and asked, "How are you, Mal? Really."

"Jus' shiny, 'Nara," he grunted, moving swiftly and disrupting her touch. Turning abruptly he headed off the bridge and Inara followed him, determined to not let him off the hook so easily.

"Mal." She called to him as he quickened his pace, trying to keep her voice down so she wouldn't awake the others. As he reached the galley, she hissed, "Mal, wait."

"What?" He whirled on her so quickly, Inara halted in mid-step and almost fell over. Getting into her face, he asked hotly, "What, 'Nara? What do you wan'?"

Working her mouth for several seconds no sound came out and Inara found her insides quivering at the hard look in his eyes. He was staring at her intently, the hollowness she'd seen in his gaze only moments before replaced with fierceness. It wasn't anger, not really, but it wasn't joy either and Inara struggled to regain her voice.

Obviously tired of waiting, Mal headed into the kitchen, opening a few of the cupboards and banging them shut loudly until he found what he wanted. Roughly grabbing a tin cup from the shelf, he tromped over to the table and sat heavily in his normal seat, his back to her, as he poured a full glass of some kind of alcohol. Taking a sip, he winced as it burned down his throat and told her, "If'n you're jus' gonna stand there, you can go. I don't need a babysitter."

His condescension set Inara on edge. Regaining use of her vocal cords, she moved to his side and snatched the cup from him, the whiskey splashing from the cup and staining her robe. "Hey!" he yelled, scrambling to take the mug back. Holding it out of his reach, she told him, "You don't need a babysitter, Mal, but you do need a good kick in the pi gu."

Sitting back with his arms across his chest, Mal eyed her skeptically and asked sarcastically, "Is this the part where you get me to talk about my feelings?"

Frowning at him harshly, Inara retorted, "No, Mal that would actually require you to have some."

Cocking an eyebrow at her quick and poignant retort, Mal held her gaze steady for another minute. The tension was easing out of her, he could tell by the way her hand loosened at her side, no longer clutching the edge of her robe. Also, her eyes had stopped blazing. It was a look Mal was familiar with, he had caused it often enough, but now, those huge brown eyes with flecks of amber simply regarded him with pity and compassion, two emotions he could not take right now.

"Did ya need somethin', 'Nara?" he asked tiredly, rising again and moving to get another cup.

With a sigh, she sank slowly into her usual seat at his left hand and waited until he returned. Pouring himself another glass, he raised it to her and toasted. "To Wash and Book."

Nodding once, Inara clinked his glass and murmured, "To Wash and Book," before taking a tentative sip. Doing her best not to gag, her eyes watered as the warm liquid burned a trail down to her tummy and then pooled there.

They drank together in silence for a few more moments, and Inara felt her head swimming quickly from the alcohol she'd imbibed. She normally had a much higher tolerance, but it was obvious that this bottle of moonshine had been brewed to take the edge off just about anything – including death.

She caught Mal staring at her. She had felt her cheeks flushing hot and had assumed it to be the drink, but as soon as she'd glanced to his face, she'd caught the intense gaze of those blue eyes and felt her entire body blush from the scrutiny. Quickly returning her eyes to her cup, she waited until the count of ten and when she again looked to him, he was no longer looking to her.

Slightly disappointed, she rose slowly, doing her best to stay steady and told him quietly, "I should go to bed."

Turning to go, she paused as she felt his rough hand wrap around her wrist. Looking back to him, Inara fought a gasp as she noted the depth of emotion in his eyes. "Didya need somethin', 'Nara?" he asked again.

She fought the urge to kiss him, fought it with every fiber of her being. It hadn't been why she'd sought him out in the first place, but at this moment staring into those impossibly blue eyes and feeling the warmth of his hand over hers, she suddenly wanted to kiss him and never let go.

Taking a deep breath, she said, "Yes, I did, but it can wait." She tried to leave again, but Mal stopped her with another tug on her wrist. Rising, he moved around the table to stand before her and asked, "What is it?"

He was so close, she could feel the heat from his body and Inara resisted the urge to take in a deep breath of his manly smell. That was something else she ruminated on, late at night in her shuttle – how warm and comforting Mal's presence was. She was not easily swayed by men and their charms, it was considered a weakness in her profession, but this man could be washing dishes and Inara would still feel her heart flutter.

"I was …" She faltered at first, her mind now swimming from the alcohol and his nearness. Swallowing hard, she forced the words out. "I was hoping we could stop by the training house."

With a dejected sigh, Mal whispered, "You're goin' back."

Puzzled by his reaction, Inara told him, "Well, yes, of course. I need to-"

Stepping away from her, Mal waved away her explanation. "I know, I know. You got work to do. Got girls to train." Falling heavily into his chair, Mal reached for the whiskey again and this time drank it straight from the bottle.

Realizing his misinterpretation, Inara moved towards him and sat again, squeezing his hand with her own. "No, Mal. I don't want to go back forever." Like a kid at Christmas, his eyes lit up at this statement and he again looked to her with a bit of hope. Smiling at the childlike expression, she explained, "I just want to go and pick up my things. I'm running out of clothes."

Relief covering his face instantly, Mal let out a heavy sigh and smiled, just a little. "Yer things, right. Sure, 'Nara, we can do that. I'll have River alter our course in the mornin'."

Smiling to him, she rose again and said, "Thank you, Mal."

He nodded once and held her gaze and Inara again found herself fighting the urge to swoon. What had this man done to her? Taking a step back, she murmured, "Good night."

"Night, 'Nara," Mal answered, his voice having dropped an octave which caused a small tremor to race down her spine.

She was almost out the door when a thought occurred to her. Taking a chance, she turned back to him, not really surprised to see his eyes still on her. "Mal?" Waiting a beat, she said, "I know you don't want to talk about it, but if you ever decide you need to, you know where to find me."

Swallowing thickly, he nodded once and Inara left him alone.

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_It all happened so fast. One minute, Simon was searching for his medical bag and the next he was falling hard onto the deck, dark red blood seeping from his stomach; his life literally ebbing away. And Kaylee, helpless and immobilized by the Reaver's dart had simply watched … watched as Simon struggled to breathe, watched as Inara tried to staunch the blood flow, watched as River sprinted out into the melee, sacrificing herself for all of them._

Sitting up abruptly, Kaylee was panting heavily as the dream receded. Wiping the sweat from her brow, she jumped slightly as she felt a light touch to her shoulder and turned to meet Simon's concerned gaze. Smiling weakly, she murmured, "Sorry. Din't mean to wake ya."

Returning her smile, Simon sat up beside her and pushed a strand of damp hair behind her ear. Leaving his hand to rest against her cheek, he asked quietly, "Another dream?"

Biting her lip as her heart again raced at the memory, Kaylee could only nod. Noting her distress as her already wide eyes got wider, Simon quickly hugged her to him, his arms encircling her and holding her tight. Wrapping her arms around him in return, she let out a heavy sigh and burrowed even further into his strong chest. "Sorry," she murmured again, her small voice muffled.

Pressing a kiss to her temple, Simon told her, "You don't have to be sorry, Kaylee." Gently easing down with her, Simon kept her firmly against his side, fixing the blankets to cover their naked forms as he felt her shiver slightly. Kissing her forehead, Simon whispered, "It's all going to be all right."

Nodding once, Kaylee kept her ear pressed to his chest, listening to the rhythmic sound of his heart beat. Sighing softly, she cuddled into him as his hand gently drifted through her hair and down her arm, over and over again to soothe her. Doing her best to rid her mind of the dream, she waited another few seconds and then tilted her face up to look at him. Not surprisingly, he was already looking at her, his blue eyes tired, but alert to whatever she might need. Smiling softly, she slid up his side and kissed him, long and deep. Simon returned the kiss, his hands weaving through her thick hair as he held her lips to his.

Parting for air, Kaylee whispered, "I honestly din't ever think we'd get here, Simon." Trailing a light hand down his cheek, she outlined his lips with her finger, not at all surprised when Simon captured it in his mouth and sucked on it lightly before pulling her back down to him and kissing her again. Shifting so she was now on top of him, she heard him groan as her hips rolled over his hardening erection and she grinned wickedly. "But I'm sure glad we are," she told him, whispering this last as she again lowered her mouth to his.

Simon kissed her back passionately, more than agreeing with her realization. He had honestly never thought he'd be this lucky, never thought he'd meet someone like Kaylee, let alone be loved by someone so amazing, but he was. And he was in love with her; he was lost in her sunny smile and warm touch and the way she so obviously loved him. And that was why Simon couldn't allow her to continue burying all the memories that kept waking her up in the middle of the night. Her reaction to the nightmare was always the same: She would awaken, sweaty, panting and frightened and allow Simon to hold her for only a moment, before she inevitably turned to him with that wicked grin and had her way with him. At first he hadn't at all been concerned; Kaylee was an incredible lover and Simon found himself more emboldened in her presence. But as the first week of dreaming had turned to two and now three, Simon knew Kaylee needed to deal.

Hating to do it, Simon placed his hands to her shoulders and pushed her back slightly so he could see her face. Still grinning that devilish grin that made Simon's groin throb, she tried to nip playfully at his lower lip and pouted when he kept a firm hold of her. "Kaylee, we don't have to do this."

Frowning at him slightly, she shimmied down his body, causing his eyes to roll back into his head as her flushed skin passed over every inch of him. "Who said anythin' 'bout havin' to?" she questioned, pausing for a moment until she knew he was again looking before wrapping a hand around his hard length and pulling gently. As Simon again moaned, gripping the sheets at his side for purchase, she added huskily, "I wanna."

Simon tried to speak again, tried to tell her that she didn't need to hide her fears by making love to him, that it was okay to be upset, but her hands and mouth were soon everywhere and all he could do was give in to the desire and want he felt burning in his blood.

They could always talk in the morning.

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Mal strode onto the bridge, his head pounding from the rot gut whiskey he'd foolishly imbibed the night before. Tugging his suspenders over his shoulders, he did his best to stand straight. Addressing his pilot, he said, "River, I'm gonna need-"

"Already done, Captain Daddy," the young reader told him cheerfully, her fingers dancing across the console like a birds on a breeze. Swiveling in her chair, she told him, "Changed course about three hours ago. We should be to the training house in a week."

Frowning, Mal scolded, "You should wait for orders, lil' one. I am still the captain o' this boat." He turned to go, deciding that yelling at the girl would only make his head hurt worse when her small voice again reached him.

"Captain still needs a mate."

Freezing in mid-step, Mal took a deep breath before turning back to her. Stepping onto the bridge he asked in a low tone, "What're ya talkin' 'bout, River? I already got a mate, name o' Zoe, I believe you two have met."

Returning his frown with a fierce one of her own, River stood and twirled around him, causing his already spinning head to whirl about. "Not that kind of mate," she sing-songed, hiding a giggle at the annoyed look all over his face. "A soul mate."

"River, are you goin' crazy again?" Mal risked a glance to her and instantly regretted it as his already aching head and churning gut wrenched more violently as she refused to stop moving. "'Cause, I'm gonna tell Simon if'n you are."

Stopping before him, River placed her hands on his shoulders and pulled herself up to peck him lightly on the cheek. "No crazier than you," she told him and then was gone, bounding down the hallway and towards the galley, humming gaily.

Mal stood still for several moments after she left in an effort to stop the room from spinning. Why had he drunk that battery acid? Oh right, because he'd been in a world of hurt and then Inara had swung by, adding insult to injury. Sitting heavily in the pilot's seat River had just vacated, Mal looked back out at the stars, trying to recall his interaction with the Companion from the night before. He seemed to remember yelling at her, which wasn't all that unusual and staring at her, again not that odd … but he also remembered that she'd smelled like roses; that was new. He'd only been close enough a handful of times to inhale her sweetness and last night he had again.

Praying he hadn't done something foolish in getting out of or into that position, Mal rose and figured that if he had, he'd be getting quite the cold shoulder at the breakfast table.

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Zoe entered the cargo bay on a mission and she would not be deterred, even though every fiber of her being was threatening to turn tail and run. Forcing the panic away, she approached Jayne as he breathed heavily, forcing the weights up over his chest and down again. Waiting until he'd dropped the bar into the cradle, she asked quietly, "Can I join you?"

Sitting up and wiping at his sweaty face with a rag that had seen better days, Jayne eyed her for a moment and shrugged. "Sure," he told her gruffly. Rising off the bench, he wiped it off with the same filthy rag and Zoe walked forward, settling herself down.

As she reached back and wrapped her hands around the bar, Jayne stopped her. "Whoa there, Zoe, let me take some weight offa that first."

Shaking her head, Zoe told him firmly, "I can do it."

Placing both hands on the bar, Jayne's eyes darkened as he looked down at her. "No. Ya can't." Scowling at him, Zoe held his stare, her eyes flashing with anger at the perceived insult. Dropping her hands from the bar, she rose and turned to face him. "Fine," she bit out, and then turned on her heel, ready to storm away.

Cursing silently, Jayne threw his towel to the floor and hurried after her, meeting her just by the door to the common room. Grabbing her elbow, he whirled her around and asked, "What the hell was that about?"

"I think I would know whether or not I could lift weights, Jayne," she told him hotly, her eyes still burning with rage. Poking him sharply in the chest with one finger, she added, "And I certainly don't need your permission to lift."

"You sure as hell do considerin' I bought that set with my own cashy money," the big man yelled back. He knew that everyone on board was walking on egg shells around Zoe and in truth, Jayne had been too. But her behavior at the moment, while equal parts baffling and infuriating, was uncalled for. "An' it ain't just about the weights. I've been watchin' you, Zoe. You've done everythin' you can think of in the past few weeks to get dead, an' I ain't gonna pretend no more." Her eyes blazing at him with a warning he would not heed, Jayne told her, "I ain't gonna watch you try an' join Wash in an early grave."

Smack! The sound of her hand slapping against his cheek reverberated through the bay and Jayne bit his tongue to keep from crying out. Damn she was strong. Rubbing at his jaw, he met her hard gaze again, recognizing a challenge when he saw one.

Stepping back, he motioned to the center of the empty bay and asked, "You wanna go, lady?"

"That's the best idea I've heard all day," she retorted hotly, moving towards the center of the room and removing her leather vest in the process. She was now in a tight-fitting t-shirt and cargo pants and Jayne shook his head hard to loosen the image of how sexy she was from his brain. As she removed her gun and belt, Jayne doing the same, neither of them noticed Inara appear on the catwalks above. Watching in horror as the two crewmen circled each other, she rushed from the room in search of Mal.

Zoe was oblivious to anything at that moment other than her enemy. He wasn't an enemy, not really. Jayne was many things, but he was also her crew mate and Zoe knew that under normal circumstances she never would have considered taking him on in a fight, let alone starting one with him. But she was at the end of her rope, slipping further into a depression she could see no way out of and she would take any chance to escape that darkness for good.

Zoe began with a few sharp jabs that Jayne easily parried. How the hell had he managed to get into this? He hadn't been looking for trouble, although Jayne Cobb rarely, if ever, was looking for trouble and yet it found him all the same. Now, he was mired in a fight with a grieving widow and he felt even worse than he had a few minutes ago. He knew Zoe was hurting, Jayne had seen plenty of people grieve before and knew what it looked like, and while Zoe was tough as nails, no one was strong enough to lose a husband and then keep going like nothing had happened.

"It's gonna take time, Zoe," he told her, surprised that he'd spoken aloud.

Apparently, so was she. Striking at him again, this time she managed to connect with his shoulder and Jayne had to fight the urge to hit her back. If he hurt her, Mal would kill him. "Shut it, Jayne," she growled, her eyes still dancing with a feral hunger.

"I know it hurts, but you gotta let it." Jayne jumped back as she swung hard at him, barely missing a swift punch to his gut. That could have hurt. "The only way to make it better is to live through it."

With a barely contained yell, Zoe charged him, refusing to listen to anymore of his trite advice. Beating her fists about his face and chest, Jayne let her land a few punches, doing his best to avoid any serious injury. She tackled him, throwing all of her weight into the move and they fell hard to the deck, Zoe on top of him. Screaming at him incoherently, Jayne watched as she began to unravel, and the sight made his heart hurt.

Mal and Inara arrived back inside then, Simon and Kaylee following close behind. They met River on the catwalk, the young woman standing just over the fighting couple, her head cocked to the side. As Mal swore under his breath and moved to end the fight, River placed a hand to his arm and told him quietly, "Have to let her do this, Captain."

Studying her with wild eyes, Mal made a move to pass her again, only this time, River stood directly in his path. "She lost her soul mate. Would give anything to have him back." Glancing to the pair as Jayne had finally managed to roll over and pin Zoe, she looked back to Mal and said, "And yet, you won't even acknowledge yours."

Staring at her for another second, Mal rushed down the stairs to the cargo bay floor. River turned to watch him go, her eyes back on the scene below. Zoe's entire body was shaking now, with rage and grief and pain and Jayne had let her up, sitting back on his haunches and panting slightly at the exertion.

Mal reached his best friend's side and reached out a hand to her shoulder which she quickly shrugged off. "Zo, you all right?" he asked quietly, shooting Jayne an angry gaze.

Nodding once, the widow rose slowly and dusted off her pants. Moving with measured steps towards where her gun and vest were, she picked both of them up and headed back for the exit. Mal's eyes followed her the entire time, his mind raging with his inability to help her. Why couldn't he help her? Why did Wash have to die?

Swallowing thickly past the lump in his throat, he moved to follow her, calling softly, "Zo?"

Raising a hand, she refused to turn and face him, deeply ashamed of her behavior. "I'm fine, sir," she said stiffly and then she was gone.

Mal stood still for a moment and then whirled on Jayne, easily pinning him against the closest wall. "What the hell were you thinkin'?" he screamed, his face turning red as his displaced anger finally found an outlet.

"She picked a fight with me, Mal," Jayne yelled back, pushing the man away roughly. "An' if you ask me, I think it did her some good."

Clenching his fist, Mal was ready to land a punch to Jayne's smug face when a hand stopped him. "Mal, don't." It was Inara's voice, low and soothing, her hand that had stayed his arm. Turning to face her, he was still seething with pent-up anger. Holding her gaze for a second, he stormed off in one direction, Jayne going in the other. Inara sighed heavily, dropping her gaze to the decking before slowly making her way back to her shuttle.

By the time she reached the catwalk, Simon and Kaylee were both gone, but River was still there, continuing to stare at the now empty room as though something else was happening down there that only she could see.

Approaching her cautiously, Inara asked, "River, sweetie? Are you all right?"

"Will make a promise," the young woman said cryptically. She began to sway to unheard music, closing her eyes as she became caught up in the dance. As Inara was about to again ask if she needed anything, River looked to her and smiled. "Will make a promise that he'll keep."

Moving away on impossibly light feet, Inara watched the girl twirl down the steps and around the bay below in awe for several moments before finally retreating to her shuttle.

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	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter 2

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Mal had not seen Zoe for over a day and now he was worried. His first mate had always been closed off to others, until Wash of course, but now, in her grief, her refusal to socialize set him off. Especially after witnessing her grudge match with Jayne just the day before.

He'd already been by her bunk and the engine room, galley, infirmary, bridge and common room and he had yet to find her. Circling the cargo bay once again, he headed for shuttle two hoping to find her, but upon pushing the door open, he realized the space was empty. More dread coiling in his stomach, he walked slowly along the catwalk, resting his elbows on the railing, staring at nothing.

Roses; he smelled roses again. Glancing to his side, he started slightly as he realized how close Inara was. How long had she been there?

"Sorry," she told him softly, matching his pose. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Shrugging lightly, Mal studied her profile for a minute, noting the extra worry lines that crinkled around her eyes. Her face seemed heavy too, as if the weight of the sadness and grief of the past few months were taking a toll and Mal suspected they were. It was taking a toll on all of them.

Inara could feel his steady gaze and she fought the urge to blush. Of course, she couldn't stop her cheeks from turning red, but she tried, like a foolish school girl, to pretend his intense gaze had no power over her reactions. Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him and smiled softly, "Do I have something on my face?" she teased, noting the sheepish look he gave her.

"Oh, uh …" Mal fumbled for an appropriate response, realizing he'd been caught looking. "No," he finally mumbled. Searching for any other topic, he asked, "Have you seen Zoe?"

Glancing quickly over her shoulder to her shuttle, Inara's face blanched and when she looked back to Mal, he could see her tension had increased tenfold. "Mal," she intoned quietly, placing a hand to his arm.

His gut churning uncomfortably, Mal felt his heart race as he asked, "'Nara, where is she?"

"She had a rough night, Mal," Inara told him softly, trying to keep herself between him and the shuttle.

Staring at her with wide and pained eyes, he breathed, "Is she okay?"

Swallowing hard, Inara told him, "For now, but Zoe isn't going to get through this on her own."

"Why din't she come to me?" Mal breathed the words barely aware that he'd said them aloud until Inara's hand rested against his cheek. Looking to her, the empathy in her eyes was almost his undoing and he quickly averted his gaze. Straightening swiftly in an effort to break this intimate moment, Mal moved away. "I have to see her."

"Mal, no," Inara told him, turning and racing past him to beat him to the shuttle. Planting herself between him and the door, she told him firmly, "She doesn't want you to see her like this."

He staggered backward as if she'd struck him and Inara immediately regretted the harshness of her tone. Staring numbly at her and then at the floor, Mal stood frozen to the spot for several moments, feeling useless. Zoe didn't want his help, and worse than that, Mal knew that even if she did, he would be unable to help her. He had no words, no cure, no power to stop what she was suffering through now. And to top it all off, it was his fault.

Hanging his head, he felt more self-loathing and anguish bubble up in his gut, and he fought the very real urge to be sick. Moving slowly towards the top of the stairs, he sat heavily, his head resting against the railing as he realized his best friend in the entire 'verse might never be the same.

Inara watched Mal struggle to deal with Zoe's wish. She could almost feel his pain, it was so sharp, slicing through her heart like a hot blade through butter. Each step was a chore, each slump of his shoulders another admittance of defeat and Inara could not stand it. Moving quietly to his side, she sat next to him, not touching, but close enough, content to just keep him company.

Mal stared at nothing. The lights in the cargo bay were dimming slowly as the night cycle started again and he was glad. Glad that in a few minutes Inara wouldn't be able to see the despair etched into his features. Zoe's face stirred in his mind at the thought – despair, they had seen plenty of that in their time together; survived plenty of it too. Why couldn't they survive this?

"When we were in the valley," Mal began quietly, retelling a story he had relived too many times in his nightmares. "Zo an' I, we din't have nothin'. We ran outta food 'bout three days after the last air strikes an' every night, we'd be freezin'. We were afraid to start a fire, thinkin' that the 'Liance might decide to come back and pick off the survivors."

He shivered slightly at the memory and Inara inched a bit closer. She listened intently as he continued, his eyes still locked on a faraway place. "We'd met, Zoe an' me, 'bout two months 'fore Serenity. She thought I was a cocky piss ant too." He smirked at the thought, remembering the disdain with which she had treated him as he'd recklessly gone charging after tanks and gunboats – basically anything Alliance that moved. "Of course, from each o' my foolish crusades I kept comin' back not dead, so she told me one day, she was stickin' with me. Figured I had somethin' on the guy upstairs that kept me livin'."

Frowning now, Mal shook his head and murmured, "Even after the valley, she still stuck with me. By the time we got beat, her an' I we was fightin' like two halves o' the same person."

"You were partners," Inara said quietly, fighting back the tears she felt forming as Mal grew more vulnerable before her eyes.

"Yeah, I guess we were," he murmured. Snorting derisively, he said, "'Course then I hired Wash an' she didn't so much care 'bout bein' my partner anymore."

Frowning at him, Inara admonished, "Mal-"

Holding up a hand, he added quickly, "I know, I know. I'm jus' kiddin'. I was happy for her, 'Nara, truly." He finally looked to her and even in the dim light she could make out the sincerity in his gaze.

"Then why didn't you go to the wedding?" she asked, noting the flush that crept up his neck.

Again studying his feet, he murmured, "I was jealous."

Nodding once, Inara had figured that to be his answer. She had always suspected there'd been more between Mal and Zoe than war stories. "Of Wash," she said quietly, putting the pieces together.

"No," he told her quietly, still looking to the ground. "Of Zoe."

Completely puzzled, Inara asked, "Shenme?" Malcolm Reynolds was often a fool, sometimes a jerk, occupationally a brigand and frequently a pest, but she had never thought him to be sly.

Doing his best to explain, Mal remembered that day with a bit of fondness and a whole lot of regret. "She was happy, 'Nara," he said softly. He had rarely seen Zoe smile much before Wash had come on board, but once that little man had made a home here, dinos and all, he'd caused Zoe's face to light up a thousand different ways.

"She survived Serenity Valley just like me, but she actually lived after it," he added quietly. Unable to meet her gaze, he repeated softly, "Zoe was happy."

Swallowing thickly, Inara again found her eyes tightening uncomfortably as she tried to hold back tears. "And you're not?"

Shrugging, Mal answered sullenly, "I dunno. What's happiness?" Inara did not answer and so Mal continued. "Sometimes when I hear Kaylee laughin,' that makes me happy, makes me smile at least or when Jayne does somethin' stupid." Pausing a small smile touched his lips as he said, "When River flew my boat for the first time that was a good moment."

"Oh, Mal," Inara breathed. Reaching out instinctively, she clasped his hand in her own, gently rubbing her thumb along the back of it. Glancing down to their intertwined fingers, Mal felt his breath catch in his throat as he realized how close she was.

He hadn't been completely honest; there were other moments he could remember when he'd felt happy, light as a feather and almost all of them revolved around the woman who was trying to comfort him now. Mal had only been in love once before, before the war, before he'd lost everything and had to start over again. He hadn't thought he'd ever fall in love again, but then he'd met Inara and all bets were off.

"I took that away from her," he said brokenly, fighting the emotion that was struggling to break free. "I took away Zoe's happiness an' after all she's been through, I just …" He couldn't finish and Inara was glad because she couldn't bear to hear anymore.

Sliding just a bit closer so their thighs were touching, Inara placed one arm around his shoulders and the other around his neck and held him to her. "You didn't do this, Mal. You're not responsible," she told him, her voice low, her touch soothing as she fingered the ends of his hair. "The Alliance did."

"My boat," he said stubbornly, making no move to leave the comfort of Inara's embrace. "My crew. That makes 'em my responsibility."

"Do you think Zoe blames you?" Inara asked, pulling away slightly so she could see his face.

Shrugging lightly, he again averted his gaze and grumbled, "She should."

Cupping his chin in her hand, Inara raised his face back to hers and set her jaw firmly. "You listen to me, Malcolm Reynolds. Zoe does not blame you. She was in my shuttle all night, talking about Wash, about you, about this boat and never once did she place the fault for Wash's death on your shoulders."

Her gaze softening as she let this statement register, she lowered her voice and said, "So don't you put blame there either."

With a heavy sigh, Mal's entire body collapsed against Inara as he processed her words. Zoe didn't blame him, really and truly, and the weight that lifted from his shoulders was twice the heft of Serenity. Inara easily held him, her cheek resting against the top of his head as he clung to her. She didn't mind, she reveled in it actually, how close he was. She was grateful that after months of moping she'd been able to help him.

"I'm so tired, 'Nara," he told her quietly, feeling his immense fatigue seeping into his bones as the guilt and tension receded.

Pressing a kiss to the top of his head, Inara murmured, "I know, bao bei, I know." As soon as the words were out, she froze, her hand stilling from where it was stroking Mal's hair. _I didn't really just call him sweetheart, did I?_

Mal felt her stiffen against him and he had to admit his own heart was beating just a bit faster. Resisting the urge to go running in the other direction out of pure terror, he straightened and met her gaze, noting the way her cheeks blushed. "I mean, Mal," she added lamely, pulling her hands back to her lap and gazing at them intently.

He would have smiled if he'd wanted to make a joke, but in this moment, what Mal saw was an opportunity, one he had avoided taking for the past few months, and the months before that. Maybe it was finally time to not let another one slip by. Reaching over slowly, he took both of her hands in his and waited until she'd returned her eyes to his face.

"'Nara," he said softly, willing his voice not to break.

"Mal, it's okay." She was trying to save herself the embarrassment of a rejection and save Mal the embarrassment of having to let her down. "It was a slip of the tongue, I just-"

Pressing a finger to her lips, Mal smiled slightly and whispered, "Why are you backpedalin'?"

Because my heart will break if you don't feel the same, she thought desperately. Shrugging lightly, she had no answer and so she kept her silence.

"Listen, I got somethin' I really wanna tell ya," he admitted, waiting for her nod before continuing. "Before, when you asked 'bout me bein' happy, I didn't tell you everythin'." Swallowing hard, Inara willed her heart to stop racing as he continued. "The first day you walked on my boat an' haggled me over the price of your rent, I was happy." Inara smiled sheepishly at the memory, her gaze dropping to her lap again. "An' the day we shared that wine an' sat lookin' at all them cattle, I was happy."

Mal watched her closely, looking for a sign that he was saying or doing the wrong thing. When had he turned into Simon? Swallowing hard once more, he admitted softly, "An' 'Nara, the day you walked off my boat was the one of the unhappiest days of my life."

Turning to face her fully, Mal pulled her hands into his lap, holding them firmly in his own and told her, "I honestly don't know why I've been fightin' this, an' Lord knows it is more than complicated, but 'Nara, I'm happy when I'm with you."

One tear fell from the corner of her big eyes and Mal caught it deftly on the pad of his thumb. Brushing his thumb along her cheek, he again studied her, watching with a bit of amusement as Inara struggled to find words. He'd never seen her speechless before, much less been the cause.

"Mal, I …" Inara tried to speak, but she found it difficult. Her voice was thick with emotions she'd been burying for the past year, ever since she had first realized she was in love with Malcolm Reynolds.

Wondering if maybe he hadn't given her enough, Mal tilted her face up to his, and said quietly, "'Nara, I wanna be happy, an' I wanna be happy with you."

Before she could even think to form words, he pressed his mouth to hers, slowly, gently and Inara sobbed against him. Breaking the contact quickly, Mal searched her face for the cause of her distress and saw that she was smiling through the tears that now fell freely. "I didn't know if you'd ever tell me that," she said quietly, wiping futilely at her wet cheeks. "I have no idea how we'll make it work, but Mal, I want to try," she admitted, squeezing his hands firmly before he pulled her closer for another kiss, this one long and passionate.

It was filled with all the emotion they had ever denied themselves; all the moments they had missed because of pride or ego or just bad timing. Inara fought to keep up with Mal as he hungrily kissed her, his hands holding her tight against him, his touch eager and full of longing. Inara had never been kissed this way before, never by someone who truly wanted her. Even her clients, when they kissed her, were almost always kissing someone else, a dream, an ideal, an old lover, but never Inara. But Mal was and he wanted to keep doing it.

Pulling her lips from his reluctantly and panting for air, Inara rested her forehead against his cheek and murmured, "I've wanted you to do that for a long time."

Smiling slightly, Mal began nibbling at her ear and whispered, "Well, you shoulda said somethin'."

Giggling as he found a ticklish spot along her jaw, Inara sighed with delight, her lips moving from his ear and back to his mouth, where she kissed him deeply, cradling his face in her hands. Mal responded instantly, his tongue exploring her mouth as he pulled her tighter against him.

It was impossible to know how long they kissed on the steps like teenagers out after curfew. And Inara didn't care; she felt lighter than she had her entire life, excited about what the next moment might bring, she almost feared it would be too much.

Resting her head against his shoulder, her heart still slowing after their passionate embrace, Inara gently fingered the buttons of Mal's shirt, pressing her palm over his heart and feeling the steady beat through her skin. Sighing softly, she told him, "I should really go check on Zoe."

Tightening his arm around her, Mal told her, "No, I think you should stay right here."

Smiling, Inara lifted her head and met his gaze, noting the glint of mischief in his eyes. "She shouldn't be alone, Mal," she reminded him softly. She didn't want to leave him, but Inara had promised Zoe she'd be there for her. It was a promise she couldn't break.

With a sigh, Mal kissed her forehead and released his grip on her. "I know, an' I don't want 'er to be." Brushing some of Inara's hair off her shoulder, he added quietly, "Thank you for helpin' her."

Reaching for his hand, she kissed it lightly and told him, "She's my family too, Mal."

Rising slowly, Inara looked to him with a smile and headed back towards her shuttle, her fingers trailing from his hand. Mal watched her go, not for the first time admiring her curves and the way her clothes shimmered as she walked. She was a beautiful woman.

Making it to the shuttle door, Inara paused there for a moment, her hand on the latch. Her body was still tingling from her close contact with Mal and while she wanted to savor the feeling, she also didn't want to behave inappropriately in the midst of Zoe's grief. Deciding to steal one final look at him, Inara turned and started slightly as she ran into his chest.

Wrapping an arm around her waist, he leaned in and whispered, "Sorry, but I wanted one more kiss."

Smiling to him, Inara granted his request before entering her shuttle. Mal stared at the closed door for quite some time and then made his way to his bunk. And for the first time in weeks, he actually slept.

---- ----

Simon rolled over half asleep and reached for Kaylee. He was cold and he didn't like it. His arm falling to his side where she should be, he lifted his head up and glanced over to take in the empty side of the bunk. Searching the small room, Simon wondered where she could have gone. Glancing to the timepiece above his head, he frowned. It was the middle of the night and he knew she'd been tired.

With a sigh, Simon reached for his sweatpants and pulled them on, grabbing a t-shirt on his way out the door. Looking first in the infirmary, he was not surprised to find it empty. Jogging lightly up the stairs and towards the galley, she was not there either. Glancing towards the bridge first, Simon quickly dismissed the thought that Kaylee would be there. Of course, she'd only be in one room in the middle of the night and with a sigh, Simon headed for the engine.

As he approached, he heard the sounds of clanging metal and guessed that Kaylee was indeed working on some minor repair that no doubt could have waited until morning, but one that she felt compelled to attend to immediately. Standing just outside the doorway, he watched her for a moment, noting the way she hunched forward, her body language tense as she reached for the offending part.

His concern growing, Simon stepped down into the room, his bare feet soundless on the metal. About to approach her, he stopped as Kaylee extricated herself from the engine, dropping the tool at her feet. Turning towards the back of the room, he watched in surprise as she pressed her palms to the wall and resting her forehead against the bulkhead, began to cry.

No longer caring what had taken her from their bed in the middle of the night, Simon moved to her quickly, his arm cinching around her waist from behind. Holding her tight, he whispered, "Hey, what's going on?"

"Oh, Simon." Kaylee started at his touch completely unaware that she wasn't alone. Wiping quickly at her tears, she turned in his embrace and fixed him with a half-smile that did nothing to ease his worry. Locking her wrists behind his neck, she whispered, "Miss me?" before moving in to kiss him.

Frowning again, Simon kissed her lightly and then pulled away, noting that Kaylee was again pouting at him for interrupting her fun. Running his hands up her arms, he gently pulled them from around his neck and held them loosely in his own. Meeting her green-eyed gaze, Simon said softly, "Kaylee, talk to me."

Feigning ignorance, she pulled away from him and collected her discarded tool heading for her workbench. "Talk 'bout what?" she asked, forcing an easy tone she did not feel. "I'm shiny."

Holding his ground, Simon crossed his arms over his chest and replied, "Right, because you always get up in the middle of the night to cry in the engine room."

Kaylee refused to turn and face him knowing that if she did, she'd just break down again. That was the last thing Simon needed, just when his sister was getting better, his girlfriend turned into a blubbering mess. "I had some work to do is all."

Simon wondered how much he should push. He was not good at talking to girls, which was no secret, at least not on Serenity. But Kaylee wasn't just any girl, she was his lover and he was quickly suspecting the love of his life; if he couldn't make this better for her, whatever _this_ was, then what good was he?

Moving up behind her, he placed his hands to her shoulders, feeling her tense for an instant before she willed herself to relax. Stepping closer so their bodies were almost touching, he said quietly, "I don't want to push and I don't want to upset you, but Kaylee, I do want to help." Running a light hand through her hair, he asked, "Will you let me help?"

"I'm jus' sad is all." Kaylee's voice was small and tired and Simon stepped closer to be sure he'd heard her right, turning her to face him in the process.

Smiling slightly, he lifted her chin and met her wide-eyed gaze. "It's okay to be sad, Kaylee. It's okay to mourn and grieve the loss of our friends."

Nodding slightly, she murmured, "I know." Again dropping her eyes to the floor, she sighed heavily and asked, "Can we jus' go back to bed?"

Kissing her forehead, Simon wrapped an arm around her shoulders, steering her towards the door. "Of course, we can. It is pretty late." Dropping her head to his shoulder, Kaylee sighed slightly as they clumsily made their way back to his bunk arm in arm.

Entering the room, Simon shed his t-shirt quickly before sliding in beside Kaylee who had already curled up into a ball under the covers. Lying on his side and facing her, Simon studied her closely, noting the far-off look in her eyes and the tears that were still welling there. Running a hand down her cheek, he asked in a whisper, "What do you dream about, Kaylee?"

Blinking rapidly, she looked to him with a bit of shock and asked, "Why? What's that got to do with anythin'?"

Inching closer, he told her, "I think it's important." Leaving his hand to rest against her shoulder, he said, "Tell me, Kaylee. Please."

With a heavy sigh, she closed her eyes, wishing that when she did she didn't keep reliving those awful moments after Simon had been shot. She'd never seen so much blood and the choked sound of his voice still haunted her. He'd been so close to … Swallowing thickly, she opened her eyes and said quietly, "It don't matter, Simon. They're jus' bad dreams is all."

Frowning slightly, Simon told her, "It does matter." Searching her face for any hint as to what had her so bothered he added softly, "Please, bao bei, let me help."

Of course the use of the endearment made her weak in the knees and with a heavy sigh, Kaylee sat up, leaning her back against the wall of the bunk. Simon sat up with her, turning to face her and waited patiently. Fiddling with the edge of the blanket, Kaylee stared at her hands, and murmured, "I jus' keep dreamin' 'bout the battle."

Placing his hand over hers and stilling her movement, Simon prompted, "What about the battle?"

Closing her eyes with a sigh, when Kaylee again opened them they were full of tears and focused on his face. Forcing the words out, she said in a whisper, "I keep seein' you gettin' shot. Every night, it's the same." Now that she'd started Kaylee felt the rest of the words coming in a torrent and she barreled ahead even as her tears fell and her body shook with the memory. "I keep seein' you lying there, bleedin' and I can't do nothin'. An' then River charges out them doors an' I-" Her voice faltered as a sob lodged in her throat and Simon moved closer, gently holding her by the shoulders.

"Kaylee, I'm right here. I'm fine and so is River." Lifting her chin so he could see her face, he smiled slightly and said, "I didn't die."

Nodding, Kaylee mumbled, "I know that, but …" Taking another deep breath, she finally said, "But every night, when I dream, you do. An' I wake up an' I can't breathe, Simon." She clutched at his arms as he held her steady, her eyes imploring him to understand. "I feel like I'm drownin', I'm so panicked, an' then I look over an' there you are an' I'm so glad, but I just, I can't shake it."

Wiping at her nose, she added, "An' then I think about Zoe an' Wash an' my heart hurts for her, Simon." Again looking to him with those impossibly large eyes, she whispered, "I don't know what I'da done if'n you hadn't made it."

Cupping her cheeks in his hands, Simon held her gaze for a moment, finding his voice. He wanted to reassure her, to take away the fear that had so easily gripped her huge heart, but he knew that was beyond his control. "But I did make it, Kaylee and we're together now."

"Wash an' Zoe were together too. They was even married," she murmured petulantly, knowing what Simon was trying to say, but fighting him on it all the same. "Can you die of a broken heart?" she asked suddenly, her voice thick with more emotion.

Smiling softly, Simon thought for a moment before he answered. "If you'd asked me that a year ago, I probably would have said no, but now …" Simon trailed off, waiting until Kaylee's eyes were again back on his face and told her, "It's possible, I'm sure, for someone to die from a broken heart. But not Zoe. She's strong, Kaylee, and she'll survive this. It's just going to take time."

"I don't know if I could." The words came out barely above a whisper and it took Simon a moment to process what she'd said. Kaylee bit her lip as she realized she'd spoken the thought aloud, she hadn't meant to, but now that she had, she knew she couldn't leave the thought unfinished. Taking a chance, she held his gaze steadily and told him, "If you'd died, I'd be a mess … I love you, Simon."

His mouth fell open, but no sound came out and so Kaylee rushed to cover the silence. "I don't wanna lose you, but I know that this crappy 'verse we live in may have other ideas an' I hate it." Her voice was getting stronger as her fear bled into anger at the unfairness of it all. Punching at her blankets, she told him harshly, "I hate it."

Simon continued to stare, uncertain what to do. Kaylee was never pessimistic, it just wasn't part of who she was. But now, on top of grieving the loss of their friends, she was mourning the loss of her own innocence and Simon felt the pain of that in his own heart; nothing should make Kaylee feel this way, nothing. "Kaylee," he began slowly, but was surprised when she shot out of the bed and began to pace in agitation.

"How do you do it?" she asked, her stride never breaking as her chest heaved higher and higher with pent-up emotion. As he gave her a quizzical look, she asked again, "How? How do you keep goin' when you know what they did to those folks on Miranda? What they did to River?" Pausing in front of the sink in the corner of the room, she leaned her hands on the edge, panting with the exertion of her anger and punched the rim lightly with a fist. "It ain't right," she muttered, still scowling. "An' I don't know how to make it better."

Simon stared at her for another moment, still trying to figure out a way to ease her grief. He didn't know how to make it better either and his inability to come up with a solution was weighing heavily on him. Rising, he went to stand behind her and was surprised when she struck her fist even harder against the sink, crying out in a pain in the process.

"Ow!" she whimpered, cradling her now throbbing hand to her chest. Turning her around, Simon gently reached for the hand and straightened her fingers. "Feel better?" he asked quietly, turning her hand over and checking for any other injuries.

Shaking her head, she sniffled, "No."

Kissing her hand softly, Simon held it over his heart, pulling her close. Resting his other hand to her cheek, he told her, "It'll be all right."

"I want to make it better, Simon," she begged, wide eyes boring into him with such intensity and need he felt his breath catch in his throat. "I have to make it better for everybody."

"You do, Kaylee," he assured, stroking his thumb along her cheek. "Just by being you, you've made so many things so much better for me and for River." With a sigh, he dropped his eyes and told her, "I doubt I could have survived this past year if it hadn't been for you."

Shrugging slightly, Kaylee took a step closer, not wanting to leave the warmth or comfort of Simon's touch. "I din't do nothin'."

"That's just it." Simon tried to think of how to explain it, how to convince Kaylee that her smile alone could better even the dreariest day. "You don't have to do anything, you just have to be you. That smile of yours …" Sighing, Simon dipped his head down to hers and whispered, "That smile of yours can light up the 'verse and that makes everything better."

Kissing her, he closed his mouth over hers, pulling her tightly against him, his arms around her waist. Kaylee returned the kiss with equal fervor, working her hands up and into his hair. Her tongue dived into his mouth hurriedly, needing to feel him as much as he needed her. Simon drew them back towards the bunk and sat, pulling Kaylee into his lap, their lips never breaking contact.

Kaylee felt safe and whole when she was close to Simon like this: kissing him, loving him, being loved in return. She knew it baffled him, knew that he'd wanted to call her on it over the past week as every time she'd awoken from a nightmare she'd initiated sex. Not that he was complaining, and not that she didn't want to sleep with him; she'd known he was swai, but Kaylee'd had no idea what an incredible lover he would be.

And she was so glad they were together, truly; she loved him. And she needed to forget the awfulness of the past months, needed to forget, even if it was only for moments at a time how terrible it had been and how close they'd all come to losing what was important. Trailing her lips along his jaw and down his neck, Kaylee sucked and nipped at the skin there, moaning softly as Simon cupped her backside, his hard length rubbing against her groin and causing her to ache.

Simon kissed behind Kaylee's ear for a bit, his mind quickly filling with desire and lustful thoughts of all he and Kaylee could do for the rest of the night, but he had to make sure she was all right first. She couldn't keep hiding behind their physical relationship, not when the emotional damage was so deep-seated.

Pulling away reluctantly, Simon kissed her lightly again and then asked softly, "You just told me you love me, didn't you?"

Blushing, Kaylee rested her hands against his chest, the feel of his warm skin sending a tremor through her. "Yeah," she admitted. Looking up quickly with a bit of fear in her eyes, she told him, "You don't gotta say nothin', if'n you don't wanna."

"Oh no," Simon said slyly, brushing another kiss to her lips. "I wanna," he teased. As a slow smile spread across her face, Simon sobered and looked her square in the eyes. "I love you, Kaylee. So much."

Feeling more tears come, only this time they were tears of joy, she kissed him again, only pulling herself away when she felt another sob rise in her throat. Dropping her forehead to his shoulder, she snuggled into him and murmured, "I don't wanna lose you, Simon. Not ever."

"No power in the 'verse could take me away, Kaylee," he whispered back. Pressing another kiss to her forehead, he pulled her down beside him, their arms and legs entwined as they stayed awake for a long time, staring at one another. Much later, after they had again made love, Kaylee found herself drifting to sleep and for once, the dream did not disturb her.

----- -----


	3. Chapter 3

---- ----

Chapter 3

---- ----

"Inara, I'm so glad you came back." Sheydra hugged her tightly and Inara returned the embrace. "After the way you left, we all feared the worst."

Pulling back to regard her friend, Inara asked quickly, "They didn't make trouble for you did they?"

"No, mei mei, don't worry," the older woman assured, her violet eyes warm with sincerity. "Everything was fine. They left almost immediately after you did."

Smiling slightly, Inara released a sigh of relief and threaded her arm around her friend's waist. Walking in silence through the training house's halls together, Inara did all she could to not meet Sheydra's all-knowing gaze. Just by the amount of scrutiny the other woman was giving her, Inara knew she had questions she was dying to ask. And Inara was in no mood to answer them.

Clearing her throat daintily, the older woman commented, "I'm surprised the Captain isn't with you."

Hiding a grimace, Inara said quickly, "I asked Mal to keep his distance." Glancing out the nearest window, she caught sight of Serenity parked a few hundred yards away and had to smile. "He's never been overly comfortable in these surroundings."

"Even after his last visit?" Sheydra teased, her eyes twinkling as Inara's face blushed at the mention of Mal's ridiculous disguise. "He certainly seemed to take to the robe."

"You're terrible," Inara scolded easily, suppressing a giggle with one hand, while rolling her eyes. "But yes, in spite of that, I just felt he …" Trailing off, Inara again glanced out the window.

Why had she asked him to stay away? It wasn't as if their relationship hadn't changed. She had seen more of Malcolm Reynolds in the last few days then she had in almost her entire time on board. And she was loving it. She felt a bit foolish, stealing kisses in dark hallways, clandestine meetings in her shuttle, after everyone else was asleep … with a small sigh, Inara felt her cheeks flushing and her body humming as she remembered their quick make-out session just that morning. She felt like a giddy schoolgirl, but she'd also never felt happier and Inara was doing everything in her power not to overthink it.

Pausing before the door to her old room, Sheydra rested a hand on Inara's arm and told her, "It's all right, mei mei, you really don't have to explain."

Smiling her thanks, Inara nodded once and then reached for the knob. As Sheydra moved to go, she stopped suddenly and said, "Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot." Reaching into the pocket of her robe, she pulled out an envelope, and handed it to Inara. "This came for you about a month ago."

As Inara took the stationary from her friend's hand, she felt her throat close up a bit, and could only stare at the fine penmanship that had so meticulously spelled out her name. It was handwriting she would have recognized anywhere.

Noting her friend's furrowed brow, Sheydra asked quietly, "Inara, dear, are you all right?"

Shaking her head quickly, Inara blinked and looked up with a small smile. "Of course, Sheydra. Thank you." Desperately wanting to retreat from her friend's curious gaze, Inara told her, "I won't be long," before pushing open the door and shutting it securely behind her.

Safely ensconced in her room, Inara lit the lamp closest to the door, inhaling sharply at the mess before her. She had remembered how they had left the room in a state of disarray, broken statues and torn draperies and it wasn't much better now, months later. Inara had suspected that the Operative and his men would not take care to treat her things with any modicum of respect once recovered from the flash bomb, and with a heavy sigh, she realized she'd been right.

Moving towards the windows on either side of her disheveled bed, Inara flung them open, basking for a moment in the warm glow of the sun on her skin and the cool breeze that accompanied it. She did like being back here, liked the peace and quiet she'd grown accustomed to during her tenure, but Inara knew she could not walk off Serenity again; she could not leave her family or Mal behind for a second time.

Thoughts of Mal caused her heart to flutter, but the subsequent thought of family made her stomach churn uncomfortably. With a trembling hand, she lifted the letter Sheydra had given her and opened the envelope, one painted nail sliding under the flap to work it free. Doing her best to stymie her fear, Inara took a deep breath and began to read.

---- ----

Jayne stood uncomfortably outside the door to Zoe's bunk, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. Why he was standing here, when the weather was beautiful outside an a whole house of whores in training were just a few hundred feet away he had no idea. But he was all the same. Sucking in a big breath, he rapped his fist on the metal and waited. He knew she was down there. He'd seen her go in just a few hours ago and knew that she had yet to come out.

Leaning closer to the closed door, he called, "Zoe, it's me, Jayne. Can I talk t'ya for a minute?"

"No."

Growling, Jayne bit back a smart retort, realizing it might cause the warrior woman to attack him again. Doing his best to stay calm, he asked, "Please, Zoe?"

There was a pause and then Jayne heard the hiss of the lock releasing and stepped back as the hatch opened and Zoe hauled herself up the ladder. Turning to face him, her arms crossed defiantly over her chest and her expression blank, she said evenly, "Well, since you said please."

"Gorramit, woman, would you cut the crap. I came to 'pologize." Jayne was quickly losing his temper. He was missing out on some very good trim at the moment, all because his conscience had refused to let him get any sleep last night. Every time he'd closed his eyes all he could see was Zoe crying as she tried to bash his head in and all he could hear was the disapproving cluck of one very dead shepherd.

"You're doing a bang-up job, Jayne." Rolling her eyes, Zoe headed back down to her bunk, leaving the hatch open and Jayne followed quickly. As his feet hit the bottom rung, he told her, "Look, even though you picked a fight with me, I am sorry, Zoe. I din't-"

Stopping in mid-sentence his eyes finally wandered the room and he realized it was close to empty. Two big bags were packed on the bed, but otherwise the space was bare. His mouth hanging open like a fish out of water, Jayne breathed at her, "You're leavin'."

Nodding once, she told him, "Yes, I am." Walking towards him, she wagged a finger at him accusingly and ordered, "And not a word, Jayne, to anybody, 'specially Mal."

"You can't leave an' not tell him, Zoe. The man'll go crazy."

"I'm gonna tell 'im, I'm just gonna wait 'til a bit later in the day. I don't want 'im stewin'," she explained, moving to pack a few more clothes. Zipping her bag shut, she looked back to him and asked, "Do I have your word?"

Holding her steely gaze for a second more, he grumbled, "Yeah, you got my word."

Releasing a silent breath, Zoe hefted the bags off the bed and dropped them at the foot of the ladder. Jayne watched her the whole time, wondering if there was anything he could say to keep her on board. He wasn't close to Zoe, that was no secret and Jayne suspected that the woman considered him akin to an ape most of the time, but he respected her. She was a damn good fighter and a strong woman, one of the strongest he'd ever met. She shouldn't be going out like this.

"Don't go, Zoe," he said quietly, surprising even himself. As Zoe's eyes studied his face with confusion, he added, "You shouldn't go, it ain't right."

Shaking her head once, she told him, "I can't stay here, Jayne. There's too many ghosts on this boat for me right now."

"Ghosts aren't on the ship, they're attached to you."

Simultaneously, Zoe and Jayne lifted their eyes, taking in the sight of River, hanging upside down above them, swinging on the ladder like a trapeze artist. Her long, loose hair swaying back and forth with her movement, she told the widow, "He'll follow you, doesn't matter where you go."

Smiling sadly, Zoe told her, "Well, be that as it may, lil' one, I still gotta get some distance on it." Reaching up, she covered one of River's pale hands with her and asked, "Do you understand that?"

Stopping, River's deep brown eyes held Zoe's gaze steadily for a many minutes and Jayne got the distinct impression the women were communicating on a level that went beyond speech. Backing up a bit so he wouldn't be in the "line of fire," Jayne was surprised when River easily flipped down off the ladder, landing on silent feet to the deck and hugged Zoe fiercely.

"I understand," she murmured, blinking back a few tears. "But it's still going to be hard."

Stunned for a moment at the girl's show of affection, Zoe quickly embraced her back, rubbing her cheek against her soft hair. "It sure is, River."

Wishing they weren't so conveniently blocking his only escape route, Jayne averted his gaze, looking anywhere but at the his two crewmates. Lifting her head from where it rested against Zoe's shoulder, River said evenly, "You can go now. All you have to do is ask."

Scowling at her, Jayne grumbled, "I dun know that." Moving forward, Zoe and River moved back as Jayne all but scrambled out of the bunk, hurrying away from estrogen-fest as fast as possible.

Rolling her eyes, Zoe looked back to River, the younger woman trying to suppress a giggle. "He is such a boob," she muttered, getting a small laugh from Zoe in the process.

---- -----

"Is it true?"

"Inara, is that any way to greet your big sister?" The older woman on the screen before her was smug and Inara hated it.

Swallowing her immediate and colorful retort, Inara ground out, "Hello Marina. How are you?"

"Fine, Inara. Thank you. And you?" Marina's deep chocolate eyes, very similar to Inara's, were wide with amusement as she watched her baby sister try to avoid lashing out at her.

"I'm well, Marina." She paused a beat, took a deep breath and then asked, "Is it true? About Vivi?"

"You mean mother?" Rina asked, her gaze hardening and a hint of sadness crinkling at the corner of her eyes. As Inara nodded once, she admitted, "Yes, Inara it's true. She's not well."

Swallowing down the lump she'd felt forming, she asked, "How long?"

Shrugging lightly, her sister said, "We don't know, not for certain. The doctors said about two months a month or so ago, but …" Pausing, her sister seemed to consider something and then grew cold once again. "How did you know?"

"I don't really think that's any of your business," Inara snapped, holding Vivi's letter in her fist firmly. "I'm coming to Sihnon."

Cocking an eyebrow at her, Marina asked, "Are you sure about that mei mei? You know there are some people here who would still rather not see you."

"I have to see her, Rina," she answered quietly, willing her eyes to remain clear. She didn't want to appear weak in front of the uncaring woman before her now. "Will you please tell her I'm coming?"

Her eyes narrowing as she considered denying the request, Marina sighed heavily and muttered, "Fine, I'll tell her. But you'd better hurry."

In a blink the screen went off and Inara slumped back in her seat, fighting off the tears she felt forming. She had to get home.

A light knock on the door interrupted her and Inara stood swiftly, smoothing her skirt. Shaking her hair from her shoulders, she wiped at her face quickly and answered the door, more than surprised to see Mal standing on the other side.

"Hey there, darlin'," he drawled, entering the room and shutting the door behind him. Instantly, his arms were around her waist and he was kissing her. More than shocked by his sudden appearance, it took Inara a moment to regain her senses. But by then, it was too late.

Pulling back, Mal's look of glee at finding her was replaced by one of concern at her reception. "What is it, 'Nara?" he asked quietly, keeping her close. "What s'matter?"

Brushing off his concern, Inara kissed him quickly and then stepped away, heading for one of her trunks. "Nothing's the matter, Mal. I'm just surprised to see you."

Eyeing her warily, he said, "Yeah, but not in a good way." When she didn't give him an answer, but instead busied herself with packing, Mal moved towards her. Sitting on the bed beside her half-full trunk, he watched her methodical movements. He watched with a bit of awe as she folded each frock, each bit of frippery with a practiced hand, doting on each one as if it were more precious than the last.

As her pile of finery dwindled down, Inara moved to find something else to busy herself, but Mal reached for her hand and held tight. "C'mon, 'Nara. Out with it."

Meeting his eyes, Inara swallowed hard and felt her heart flip over in her chest, although whether it was a result of how close Mal was or the thought of asking him for such a huge favor, she didn't know.

"Mal, I …" Trailing off, Inara again averted her gaze and walked away from him. He let her go, his hand releasing her wrist easily and she was grateful. Leaning against the still open window, she gazed out over the mountains, taking in the setting sun. They had the most amazing sunsets here.

Mal watched her in silence, knowing that whatever had Inara spooked was bad; she was rarely, if ever this quiet. Doing his best not to push, he let his eyes travel the room, bringing them to rest on the ornate bed he was sitting on. Realizing suddenly that Inara had more than likely entertained clients there, he rose swiftly dusting off his backside. Scowling a bit, he caught sight of a folded piece of paper he'd uncovered and picked it up, scanning the first few lines.

Fortifying herself for Mal's reaction and all his questions when she finally got the words out, Inara turned back to face him and froze as she caught him with the letter in his hand. "Who's Colin?" he asked.

"Mal, I can't believe you." With a disgusted grunt she stalked towards him and swiped the letter away, refolding it and placing it securely in her pocket. "That was private," she scolded, still glaring at him.

"Well, you're right 'bout that an' I'm sorry," Mal admitted, getting a shocked look from Inara in the process. She had thought the man incapable of apologizing. Stepping towards her he added, "But you still ain't answered my question."

Debating, Inara stared at him for a minute more and then finally released a huge sigh. Passing him, she sat in one of the room's plush chairs. Staring at nothing, she finally answered, "Colin is my brother, my half brother, Mal." Smiling slightly at the memory of the towheaded boy she had left on Sihnon years ago, she looked back to him and said, "He wrote to tell me that my mother is dying. She doesn't have a lot of time."

His face full of sympathy, Mal went to her, sitting on the footstool before her and taking her hands. "I'm sorry, 'Nara, I din't know."

"I know and that's not your fault," she explained. "I don't often talk about my past for a variety of reasons." Pausing, she swallowed hard and said, "But Mal, I have to get back to Sihnon before Vivi dies. I need to say goodbye."

Blinking quickly, Inara felt her eyes burn with unshed tears and she glanced away. Mal watched her collect herself, again marveling at the inner strength she possessed; she could very well give him a run for his money. Squeezing her hands gently, he said, "It's okay, 'Nara. I get it, we'll go to Sihnon."

Her eyes wide with disbelief she looked to him sharply and asked, "Are you sure? With everything that's happened, I can't imagine going to the Core-"

Placing a finger to her lips, Mal silenced her concerns. "You let me worry 'bout the Core an' the 'Liance," he informed her. Tucking some of her curls behind her ear, he left his hand to rest against her cheek as he said, "I ain't lettin' you outta my sight, ai ren, so jus' forget it."

More than relieved, Inara hugged him tightly, her face buried in the crook of his neck and Mal held her back, grateful that he'd been able to help. Too often as of late, he'd been powerless to heal anyone's pain and he felt a swell of pride at knowing that he had, in some way, helped Inara.

"You almost done here?" he asked after a few minutes.

Pulling back, she nodded and said, "Yes, I am." Rising, she grabbed one of her bags, while Mal hefted up one of her trunks. "You don't have to do that," she told him. "There are pages here who will bring them to the ship."

"Let's just say I want to," Mal told her, pressing a kiss to her hair before gesturing for her to exit the room. Inara smiled to him and then quickly headed out the door, more than happy to be leaving this life for the one that awaited her on Serenity.

---- ----

By the time Mal drove the mule up to Serenity's cargo bay, the training house's full vehicle trailing a few minutes behind them, Zoe was waiting at the top of the ramp, her bags at her feet, her duster coat pulled tight around her against the chilly night. Eyeing her suspiciously, Mal hopped down, helping Inara who noted the look Mal was favoring his first mate with.

As he set her on her feet, Inara placed a hand to his arm, getting his attention. "Just listen to her, Mal," she instructed gently, before reaching up on her tiptoes to kiss him lightly.

Liking this entire situation less and less, Mal strode up the ramp slowly, gesturing to Zoe's packed things and asked, "What's all this 'bout?"

Glancing down to the bags and then back to him, Zoe said evenly, "I'm gonna be stayin' here for a bit."

Anger flared in his chest; anger that simply masked his disappointment and Mal crossed his arms over his chest, looking to her harshly. "That a fact?" As she nodded once, he added, "Well, seein' as how I'm the cap'n an' I ain't approved it, you ain't stayin' no where but on this boat." Grimacing, Mal was fairly certain that when Inara had told him to listen, she hadn't meant "yell and lose your temper." Damn it.

"I ain't sayin' this is gonna be easy, Sir, but I can't stay here. Not right now." Zoe's eyes remained clear, even as she felt her already shattered heart splintering once again. Leaving Serenity was about the last thing she had ever imagined she'd do, but she couldn't stay. Every inch of the ship reminded her of Wash and she couldn't take those memories right now. Not when her grief was so fresh.

Taking a step towards him, she lowered her voice and said, "I don't wanna go forever, Mal. I jus' need some time is all."

Seething with anger that was really deep-seated fear, Mal nodded once and said, "Fine. Go. Wave us when you come to your senses." And with that he stormed away, unable to face his best friend for another moment, before he either said something else he'd regret or she hit him.

Watching sadly as he stalked off, Zoe sighed heavily and then bent down to collect her things. "We've got those, ma'am," a young voice said and she looked up sharply to see two young men take her bags and place them in the training house's mule. Nodding her thanks, Zoe walked slowly down the ramp, meeting Inara at the base.

"I'm so sorry, Zoe," Inara breathed, wishing that Mal hadn't behaved as she'd feared he would – like an idiot. "I really thought he'd take it better than that."

"Yeah, well, I din't, so all things considered no harm done." Sighing, she looked to the Companion and told her honestly, "Don't hurt him again, Inara."

Blinking rapidly, Inara pretended to misunderstand. "I would never hurt Mal, Zoe." She tried to move around the taller woman, but with warrior reflexes she closed a strong hand around Inara's arm and held her in place.

"I ain't sayin' you did it 'fore on purpose, but you did hurt him last time you walked off this boat. He cares 'bout you whether he says it or not." Zoe had no idea what foolishness had loosed her tongue, but she felt an incessant need to take care of her friends, especially when they were so close to having just a fraction of the happiness she'd shared with Wash. Releasing her hold on the woman, she said quietly, "I guess all I'm sayin' is, give him the benefit of the doubt every once in awhile."

Nodding once, Inara hugged her, surprising Zoe just a bit. They had never been affectionate with one another. "I always thought I understood your friendship, but now I see it's something I could never hope to comprehend."

"It's just friendship, 'Nara," Zoe explained, pulling back to look at her worried expression. "Ain't much to understand 'cept to know we're two people who've been through hell an' back." Stepping back, she opened her arms out to the sides as if offering Inara an invisible gift. "Only thing is now, 'cause o' Miranda, I ain't the only person he's taken that trip with." Smiling, her eyes held a glint of mischief as she added, "An' somethin' tells me it's a journey he'd take again if'n you was with him."

Smiling at the implication, Inara silently agreed; she would gladly face the fires of hell if she knew Mal would be with her. "Good luck, Zoe," Inara called, waving once as Zoe gave her a mock salute and then turned to mount the mule.

Inara watched them go, her mind lost in thought when she heard a gruff voice behind her. "This was your idea, wasn't it?"

Turning, Inara knew there was no point in trying to deny it. "She needs help, Mal," she informed him, taking a step towards him. He was pouting with a vengeance, his scowl so deep she suspected it would forever be etched on his face. "She needs more help than any of us can give. And time."

Sighing heavily, he dropped his chin to his chest and concentrated on breathing. His incapability to help Zoe weighed heavily on him, almost as heavily as his recognition of his failure. He had failed Zoe, his best friend, on so many levels; it was no surprise she'd wanted to get away from him as quickly as possible.

"She should go," he said softly, turning to leave the bay. "And never come back," he added in a whisper, but Inara heard it and she would not let it stand.

Moving to intercept him, she stood before him, hands on her hips and warned, "Don't."

"Don't what?" he asked petulantly. Flinging an arm behind him, he gestured to the space Zoe had vacated minutes before and told her hotly, "My best friend in the entire 'verse and my first mate, just walked off my boat 'cause she can't live with the fact that I'm the reason her husband's dead."

"You are not the reason, Mal," she told him firmly, gripping his shoulders and holding tight. "You did not kill Wash. Do you hear me? You didn't. And Zoe didn't want to leave you. But she couldn't stand for you to see her like this." Placing a hand to his cheek, she lowered her voice and added softly, "She can't be the soldier you need right now or your back-up. She was afraid that if she stayed she'd end up getting you killed." Taking a step closer, Inara peered up into his haunted blue eyes and said, "And she knows she wouldn't survive losing you too."

"I failed her, 'Nara," he said quietly, his voice cracking with emotion.

"No, Mal, you didn't." Cupping his other cheek in her hand, she held his gaze steady as she said, "You haven't failed anybody. You've just tried to keep them, keep us, safe."

Mal stared into her rich brown eyes, noting the way the amber bits in her pupils dilated when she was angry, and how the green shone when she was talking to him as she was now. And even though he wanted to fall into her eyes and envelope himself in the warmth of her, he couldn't do it. Clearing his throat, he stepped back quickly, his emotions running right at the surface. If he stayed too close for too long, he had a feeling he'd lose it, and while Mal wanted to trust Inara, trust that whatever they had started in the past few days was going to last, he just couldn't; not yet.

Clearing his throat needlessly, he averted her gaze and mumbled, "I, ah, got captain-y things to do." And then bolted.

Sighing heavily, Inara tried not to curse his male ineptitude at dealing with emotions as she moved back to grab some of her things. _Men._

----- -----


	4. Chapter 4

---- ----

Chapter 4

---- ----

"Kaylee? Are you in here?"

Simon peered into the engine room, searching for his girlfriend. He was certain he'd just heard banging coming from the room; why wasn't she answering?

"Kaylee?" Furrowing his brow, he stepped into the room, rounding the engine. Stepping back abruptly as River popped up in front of him, wiping her hands on a rag. Within seconds, Simon found himself smiling at her grease-smudged appearance.

Wiping at a bit of soil on her cheek, he asked lightly, "What are you up to, mei mei?"

Shrugging, River finished wiping down her hands and started on the tool she held as she told him, "Offered to help. Kaylee was tired."

Pausing, Simon's eyes shone with concern as he asked, "She's all right isn't she?"

Frowning at him mightily, River gave him his answer. Sighing, Simon dropped his chin to his chest and murmured, "No, of course she's not all right." Waking up every night for almost the past month was not all right and Simon knew that. His inability to help her was like a black mark on his heart. It stung and poisoned him and he hated it.

River watched her brother, feeling his frustration. Trying to help, she placed a hand to his shoulder and said, "She'll be all right in time. She's just sick."

Eyes flying to her face, Simon wondered how he could have missed her illness. Shaking her head once, River explained, "No, heart sick. Family keeps shrinking. Things keep changing."

"How can I help her?" Simon was desperate. There had to be something he could do. It was what he'd been trained for his entire life; diagnose a problem and then cure it.

Raising an eyebrow, River asked, "You're asking me? Your mei mei?"

Smiling slightly, Simon returned the tease. "My options are rather limited."

Returning his grin, she confided, "Oh, I don't know. I'm sure Jayne has some words of wisdom he could impart."

Laughing out loud at the thought, Simon begged, "Please, promise me you'll shoot me before I ever take relationship advice from Jayne."

Sticking out her hand, which Simon dutifully shook, she promised, "Deal."

The tension eased, River tugged gently on Simon's hand and pulled him close. "Be there, Simon," she advised, searching his eyes for understanding. As realization dawned, she added, "She just needs to know she can count on you. That you won't disappear too."

"I would never-" Simon began, but River's hand over his mouth stopped him.

"Don't tell me," River ordered, turning him towards the door and giving him a gentle push. "Tell her."

Smiling softly, Simon turned back and hugged her quickly. "Will you be all right?"

Patting his back, she said, "Of course, I've got work to do. Now go."

Heading for the exit, River watched him go, answering his unspoken question as he paused in the doorway. "Her bunk."

Flashing her another smile, Simon was gone. Turning to the engine with a small sigh, River patted the casing lovingly, she whispered, "Big heart; won't be broken forever."

---- -----

Simon eased open the hatch to Kaylee's bunk and descended the ladder as quietly as he could. Once his feet touched the deck, he shut the door, wincing slightly at the metallic clang that sounded through the room. Glancing to Kaylee's sleeping form, he was relieved to know it hadn't awakened her.

Inching his way towards the bed, he quickly shed his shoes and vest. Sitting beside her for a moment, Simon found himself staring, easily lost in the peaceful and youthful appearance of Kaylee's sleeping face. Ai ya, she was beautiful. How he had resisted her those eight months he'd first been on board, Simon did not know. True, he'd had River to worry about and the constant threat of exposure, but still … Kaylee was everything he'd never known he'd been missing and now that he had it, had her, he felt complete.

It was an odd feeling for a man like Simon Tam. Raised in high society where words like "love" and "desire" were bandied about like punch lines, Simon had never known there could be more, more than a high-paying, high profile job and a position in society. Yes, the money had been nice as had the luxury it afforded, but once River had gone away, he'd found himself surrounded by cold and clinical settings and people, and Simon did not like it.

His father had not been wrong, Simon did need his sister for the simple fact that she loved him and he her. His parents, well, Simon was fairly certain love had never entered into their relationship. They were fond of each other to be certain, perhaps even cared for one another, but love, that was up for debate.

Although Simon's life had never lacked passion. He had always been, and still was, passionate about medicine, about his ability to know and understand the human body; to literally save a life. But even that desire seemed hollow now when compared to Kaylee's all-encompassing love.

Why she had deemed him worthy of her love and commitment, Simon was not sure, but he knew he'd die before he let anything or anyone take it away. Shaking himself from his reverie, Simon gently lifted the covers and slid in beside her, smiling softly as he noticed she was wrapped in one of his button down shirts.

Wrapping a strong arm around her waist, Simon pulled her close, doing his best not to wake her and buried his face in her sweet-smelling hair. "I love you, Kaylee," he whispered against her forehead, before settling next to her warm form and holding her to him.

----- -----

"'Nara?" Mal rapped lightly on the shuttle's closed door, curious as to why Inara was staying hidden. They'd left the training house just three days ago, and yet, Mal had seen Inara at meals and that had pretty much been it. He'd dropped by on the first night, more than eager to continue exploring their new relationship, but it had been obvious from the start that Inara was distracted. Mal had assumed it had to do with her mother, but after trying unsuccessfully to get her to talk about it, Mal had simply left, annoyed by her stubbornness and his own inability to get her to open up.

As the hatch swung open, Mal smiled big and was relieved to see her give him a grin in return. Reaching for his shirt, she curled her fist into the fabric and pulled him to her, kissing him fiercely. Once they'd parted, she told him quietly, "That was to thank you for knocking."

Chuckling softly, Mal entered the dimly lit space, shutting the door behind him. "Well, if'n I'd known that was how you'd answer, I woulda done it months ago."

Giggling at his joke, Inara motioned to the sofa and he took seat. "Tea?" she asked, moving to grab the tray, but she brushed by Mal and he quickly snagged her hand, pulling her into his lap.

"Nah, didn't so much come here lookin' for tea," he murmured, brushing some of hair from her neck so he could attach his lips there.

As he began to suck and nip at the sensitive skin, Inara shuddered, her body tingling with desire as she melted against him. Moving her hands to clutch lightly at his shoulders, she gasped as he ran his hand over her dress, cupping one of her breasts through the fabric, massaging the flesh. She'd had no idea he would be so skilled with those hands.

Deciding he'd left enough of a mark on the skin at the base of her neck, Mal's wet lips trailed a slow line up to her ear, nibbling at the flesh there, before finally moving to her mouth. She was panting with need by the time his mouth closed over hers and Mal swallowed the small moan she let escape as he ran his hands down her body and along one of her legs. He could feel the way his body responded to her closeness, her smell, her touch. Her hands, gentle and delicate were already working at a few of the buttons on his shirt, cool fingers running along the skin they exposed and causing him to tremble a bit.

Bringing his hands around to the small of her back, Mal pulled her closer, and she was straddling him, no doubt feeling the very hard length that was begging to find release. Sighing softly against his mouth, Inara's hands moved around to the back of his neck, tugging lightly at his hair and causing him to moan with more desire. Pulling apart in order to breathe, Inara murmured, "Mal, what are we doing?"

"If'n I gotta explain it," he panted back, punctuating every few words with more kisses, "then we got a lot o' work ahead of us."

She giggled again and this time the giddy sound reverberated through him. Smiling against her mouth, Mal murmured, "I love that sound."

Inara did her best to push her lingering doubts from her mind. She kissed Mal with abandon, doing her best to feel and touch every inch of him with her hands, her mouth, her tongue. She wanted to make love to him, wanted him more than any other man she had ever been with, but even as their petting and caressing intensified and she felt the need coiling in her gut tighten, she couldn't quite bring herself to surrender completely.

Breaking away again, Inara pressed a hand to his chest as Mal tried to capture her mouth with his. Panting, she pushed her hair back and told him, "Wait."

Confused, Mal sat back against the couch, eyeing her quizzically. As silence filled the space and he grew more and more anxious, he finally asked in a whisper, "What are we waitin' for?"

Pushing herself off his lap, Inara stood and tried to get some distance. Mal let her go, needing to sit for a bit if he was going to 'control' certain parts of his anatomy. Pacing for a minute, she finally collected herself and told him, "I know I shouldn't be asking this and I'm probably going to regret it." With a sigh, Inara pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger and then blurted out, "What is this, Mal?"

Sitting forward, Mal decided he would play dumb again. Some women found it charming although seeing as how Inara was unlike any other woman he'd ever met, he didn't have the highest of hopes that it would work on her. Resting his elbows to his knees, he teased, "Well, see, what we was jus' doin' – that's called kissin'. An' normally it-"

With a strangled sound that was halfway between a sigh and a laugh, she said, "Malcolm Reynolds!"

"Whoa, now," he said easily, standing and moving towards her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he smirked as he said, "Ain't no need for that kinda talk."

Crossing her arms over her chest, she eyed him with an unconvincing glare and stated, "I think you should tell me your middle name."

"Shenme?" he asked, again baffled by her thought process.

"It'll make yelling at you a lot more official if I can use your whole name." Her eyes twinkled with mirth at the joke and Mal found the sight too enchanting for words.

"Oh, yeah," he kidded and then moved his hands so swiftly to her waist and began to tickle her, Inara had no choice but to fall prey to his ministrations.

Squealing with delight, she tried to squirm loose, but he had a good hold on her and he wasn't about to let go. Wiggling her way from side to side, she was finally able to dart to the opposite side of the room, still laughing and trying to catch her breath as Mal moved quickly to recapture her. Tackling her about the waist they feel easily onto her bed, Inara landing on top of him, her dark curls falling about his face and surrounding him in her scent.

Tears of joy running down her face, Inara sobered immediately as she realized the position they were in. Trying to pull away, Mal kept his arm around her and refused to drop her gaze. Pushing some hair behind her ear, he asked softly, "What're you afraid of, 'Nara?"

Offended, but only because he'd so easily understood her, Inara tried to deny it. "I'm not afraid, Mal."

His expression didn't change and she was beginning to find it just a bit unsettling. His blue eyes bored into her with an intensity she'd rarely seen from him before; he almost looked like River did at times, when she was sensing an emotion or a thought that belonged to someone else, reading them. It was disconcerting to say the least.

"Yeah, you are," Mal insisted, his arms still firmly around her. "An' I can't rightly put my finger on what you're scared of, but you _are_ scared, darlin'." Pausing, he asked quietly, "It ain't me, is it?"

Sighing heavily, Inara did her best not to panic at Mal's insight. How could she tell him all that scared her? How could she admit that the strong woman he was fooling around with was really just a façade? How could she tell him that she feared admitting her feelings almost as much as she feared having them?

"No," she answered quickly, too quickly for it to be true. At his upraised eyebrow, she amended, "Yes … I don't know, maybe."

"Okay, 'Nara, you're gonna have to put that into captain dummy talk for me," he teased, glad that it coaxed a smile to her face. Releasing his hold on her, he sat up as she settled beside him, and reached for her hand.

"A lot has happened," she began needlessly; that was the understatement of the century. "We lost Wash and Book and then Miranda …" Trailing off, Inara swallowed hard past the lump in her throat, the one that always formed when she thought of their lost friends or all those people on that far flung planet. Looking to him, she rested a hand at his side, over where his fresh scar had formed and murmured, "We, I, almost lost you."

Taking her other hand in his, Mal kissed it lightly and reminded her, "But you din't, 'Nara."

Blinking quickly to clear a bit of excess moisture from her eyes she said hurriedly, "I know, I know that, but …" Taking a deep breath, she said, "It's still a lot to process, Mal. And then, I got this letter from home-"

"Your ma?" he asked softly, glad that she had finally broached the topic. Maybe now he could get some answers.

Nodding once, she said, "Her letter, it was more like a goodbye and I'm worried that I'll-" A sob strangled the rest of the statement in her throat. Closing her eyes, she chanted a small meditative prayer, hoping that she wouldn't be too late. She had to see her Vivi one more time, even if it meant returning to Sihnon.

Mal watched Inara's face contort with a bit of pain and then again settle into its usual peaceful visage. Squeezing one of the hands he held, Mal asked, "Why do you call her Vivi?"

Snapping her eyes open, Inara breathed, "What?"

"Your ma," he explained. "Back at the training house you said you had to get home and see Vivi again. Is that some kinda Core thing?"

Smiling softly, Inara told her lie, the one she'd rehearsed for years. "I don't know why. Her name is Genevieve. I've called her Vivi since I can remember."

Nodding once, Mal seemed satisfied with that explanation and Inara was glad. If she ever told him the whole truth, it would be at a time far removed from now.

Regardless of how content Mal was with that explanation he still had a slew of questions and he wanted some answers. "I never knew you had a brother," he said casually, hoping it would encourage Inara to open up.

Smiling softly at the memory, she said, "Yes, Colin, he's younger than me, the baby of the family." With a small sigh, she gave him what he wanted. "I have two sisters as well. Marina, she's the eldest and Laura. They're only one year apart, grew up more like twins than anything else."

"How come they din't write ya? 'Bout your mom?" he asked, lying back and resting his weight on his elbows. "From my 'sperience, always seemed sisters are closer than brothers."

Hiding a grimace, she told him, "We've never been close." Pushing the thought of 'Rina and Laura from her mind, Inara said, "Linny and I though, we were best friends growing up."

"Linny?"

Smiling, Inara corrected herself. "Sorry, Colin. I used to call him Linny. He hates it now of course. Being twenty, he's not too fond of such a girlish nickname."

Smiling back, Mal told her, "Maybe Jayne can talk to him, ease his mind a bit."

Inara chuckled at the thought. She could imagine her brother's reaction if he ever saw a man like Jayne, let alone talked to him. Linny had been a beautiful baby, fair-haired and blue-eyed. The blue eyes had stayed, even though neither Inara's father nor Vivi had them. The thought of her father made her shiver a bit and Mal noticed. Sitting up swiftly, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, holding her close. As if he could read her mind, he asked, "What about your pa?"

She stiffened in his hold and Mal felt it, mentally noting her reaction. "He's dead," she told him, her voice devoid of any emotion.

"I'm sorry." He watched her closely from the corner of his eye. He had accused Inara of many things in the time he'd known her and one of them was her innate ability to hide her true feelings from anyone. Judging by the pained look on her face now and the way her eyes narrowed, she was doing that again. "What was he like?"

Rising abruptly, Inara got some distance on Mal, knowing that if she stayed next to him, if she allowed herself to feel comfort in his warm embrace she would tell her entire life's story. Chances were Mal would be sorry he'd ever asked and Inara would then have drudged up all those memories for nothing. "He was a father, Mal," she told him hotly, pacing away. "A typical father."

Mal opened his mouth to question her further and then thought better of it. Staying where he was, he asked, "But you're close to your ma, Vivi?"

A smile Inara could not hide graced her face and she turned back to him, leaning against the wall of the shuttle. "Yes, very close. The hardest part of leaving Sihnon was leaving Vivi and Linny behind. I would have brought them with me, if I could."

Glancing about the shuttle, Mal rose and told her quietly, "Well, I'm thinkin' that mighta made things jus' a bit crowded in here."

Smiling softly, Inara rested her head against his chest as he approached her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Resting his cheek against her soft curls, Mal let the silence grow comfortable around them before saying, "I'd like to come with ya."

Annoyed that he had interrupted her peaceful moment, Inara released a small sigh and glanced up to him. "Shenme?"

Cupping her face in his hands, he explained, "When we get to Sihnon an' you head home. I'd like to go with ya."

Her heart immediately racing at the mere thought of subjecting Mal to her catty sisters, Inara told him, "No, Mal. I'm sorry, but I think this is something I need to do on my own."

Obviously not convinced, he told her, "That maybe so, but I-" Faltering he stopped, pulling back and leaving Inara more than a bit confused. He was wrestling with something, but she had yet to make it out. As he paced away from her, she questioned, "Mal?"

Rubbing the back of his neck in an effort to hide his discomfort, Mal realized that the only way he had a chance with Inara was to be honest. Releasing a heavy sigh, he turned a slightly wounded gaze to her and admitted, "I don't want ya goin' without me."

Puzzled, Inara questioned, "Going where? I'm just going home."

Shrugging, he said, "I know." As she continued to stare at him dumbfounded, Mal told her, "Look, you was right before, there's been a lot of losin' going on as of late an' I don't particularly like it. I don't wanna lose you too."

Inara's mind reeled with this statement. It was the closest to a profession of feelings that she had ever gotten from Mal and while the idea of him accompanying her gave her a bit of calm, she also knew that his presence could have disastrous consequences, for him and for her. "You're not going to lose me, Mal," she reminded him. Walking to him, she placed her hands on his arms and waited until his blue eyes were back on her face. "I'm just going home to visit with my mother."

"I really don't wanna let you out of my sight," Mal told her, flashing her one of his trademark grins. Eyeing her for a second more, he asked slyly, "C'mon, can you really deny this face?"

"You mean the one with the pathetic expression?" she retorted, getting a small chuckle from him. Pausing for a moment, Inara tried to think of the best way to turn him down. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Mal, my family is … complicated."

"I kinda figured," he commented, pulling her close to him again. The memory of her kisses and her touches were still with him and he wished they could settle this so he could go back to enjoying their new intimacy.

"My visit home, it's not necessarily going to be all puppies and roses." Staring up at him, Inara said seriously, "In fact, I'm fairly certain it's going to be painful and not in the least bit fun."

"Then let me come, 'Nara." Was he begging? Oh, go se, he was begging. "Look, whatever we've been doin' these past couple o' weeks, I don't wanna lose that."

Pursing her lips to him, Inara pushed back and asked, "So, it's about bedding me is that it?"

"Whoa." Mal held up his hands, his defenses up. "Since when have we been sleepin' together, 'cause I'm thinkin' I would have remembered that."

"Oh, we haven't yet," she explained, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "But you think that if you go with me and are there to comfort me in my hour of need, I'll just turn into a puddle of goo and you'll be able to take advantage."

Okay, now he was offended. "Since when do I take advantage?" he asked hotly, his hands on his hips. "I ain't never taken advantage o' nobody an' that sure as hell ain't the reason I wanna go with you."

"Then what is?" she yelled, glad the walls of the shuttle were soundproof.

"I'm gonna miss you!"

Mal squeezed his eyes shut, realizing what he'd just said and how ridiculous it sounded. What exactly had happened to him? Certainly some weak-willed man had just crawled into his gut and worked his yap, because Malcolm Reynolds did not say things like that.

Popping open first one eye and then the other, he saw that Inara's expression had cooled to one between shock and affection. Hoping he might be able to save face, Mal said quietly, "Look, 'Nara, it is a family thing an' I got no right to invite myself along, but I-"

"You can come," she said hurriedly, interrupting him. Praying she hadn't just signed him up for a figurative lobotomy, she added, "Mal, I'd very much appreciate it if you would come."

Doubtful of her request, he asked, "You're sure?"

Smiling slightly, Inara moved to him and said, "Yes." Reaching up on her tiptoes, she kissed him and said, "I shouldn't have accused you of having an ulterior motive. That was wrong." Dropping her gaze to the deck, she added softly, "And honestly, I'm really not looking forward to this visit. It would mean a lot to not have to go alone."

Releasing a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, Mal said, "Well, then, I'm glad that's settled." Cupping her chin in his hand, Mal tipped her face up so he could look deep into her troubled eyes. There was definitely more going on here and he was glad he might actually get to find out what. "I know a lil' somethin' 'bout havin' to face the death o' a parent. I wouldn't want you to go through that alone, 'Nara, that's the truth. That's the only motive I got."

Smiling sadly, she whispered, "Malcolm Reynolds, I never knew you had it in you."

"Remember, darlin', my life is a giant book you ain't even begun to read yet." He whispered this last against her cheek, lowering his mouth to hers before kissing her firmly. Inara returned the kiss, sinking against his chest and pushing away all of her fears with thoughts and feelings only for Mal.

Breaking apart, Inara rested her forehead against the top of his chest as Mal's hand rubbed soothing circles along her back. It was a peaceful quiet and they were both enjoying it.

Looking back up to him, Inara was about to ask him something, when Mal said, "Joseph."

Furrowing her brow, Inara asked, "What?"

Sighing, Mal drew her back to the couch and settled down, pulling Inara back into his lap, his arms easily holding her to him. "My middle name is Joseph."

Her eyes twinkling at the newfound information, Inara said, "Malcolm Joseph Reynolds." Turning to him with a smirk, she said, "It has a ring to it, don't you think?"

Mal silenced any other teasing with another deep and passionate kiss and Inara soon found her worries about going home overwhelmed by desire for the man who held her so assuredly now.

---- ----

Simon was on the cortex, scanning information on Sihnon when he heard the sound of soft footsteps approaching. Flipping off the screen, he turned quickly, hoping he hadn't been caught by Kaylee and was for the second time that day greeted by his sister's beaming face.

"Mei mei, what are you doing up?" he asked, meeting her at the foot of the steps to the bridge.

Bringing her hand out from behind her back, she dropped a bag of something heavy in front of him. Simon scrambled to catch it, not missing the clinking sound it made as it fell into his palm. Confused, he opened it slowly and felt his mouth fall open at the sight. "River, what is this for?"

"It's my take of our last couple of jobs," she explained, linking her arm through his and walking him back towards the galley. "I thought you might need it."

"Need it for what?" Simon was certain he'd never get used to his sister picking thoughts from his head.

"For your surprise," she told him with an eye roll, doing her best to suppress the sigh that came along with it. With a wide smile, she added, "She's going to love it."

Pausing as they reached the top of the stairs that would lead to his bunk, Simon told her firmly, "River, this is very generous, but I can't take your money."

Shaking her head, River clasped her hands tightly behind her back and said, "I won't take it back. I have plenty Simon and it's only right for me to share since the Captain doesn't always remember to pay you."

"I'm fairly certain remembering doesn't have anything to do with it," Simon muttered trying not to be bitter. Sure, he understood, in theory why his cuts of their jobs only amounted to a handful of credits, if he was lucky. But still, if it weren't for his skill, the Captain and every other member of this crew wouldn't be able to pull jobs anymore, because they'd be dead.

Pushing the thought away, Simon found his mind already whirling with all he could do with his newfound wealth. He'd wanted to do something special for Kaylee once they reached Osiris. The warrants for both he and River had been rescinded since the Miranda incident and while Simon's gut still churned with a bit of fear at being on a Central planet, his desire to do something for Kaylee outweighed his trepidation. She'd been so down the past few months, her moods swinging from happy to sad and back again. Simon was determined to once again show her how wonderful the 'verse and the people in it could really be. He would do anything to bring that bright smile back to her face.

With a peck to his sister's cheek, Simon told her, "Thank you, mei mei. I'm sure I won't need all of it."

Shrugging, she told him, "Doesn't matter. Use what you want."

Turning she flitted back towards the bridge and Simon hurried back to his bunk, being sure to stash the money in a safe spot in the infirmary on the way. He didn't want Kaylee finding it and ruining the surprise; that was half the fun.

----- -----


	5. Chapter 5

---- ----

Chapter 5

---- -----

The hovercar that had picked up Mal and Inara from the landing pad was the newest model and skimmed silently through the air towards the Serra's estate. Mal tried to hide how impressed he was by the obvious show of money; he was certain that there would be more and he wanted to save his slack-jawed expression for the really over-the-top stuff.

He glanced to Inara from the corner of his eye, noting the rigid way she sat in the seat across from him. She was on edge, constantly, had been for most of their trip to Sihnon and now, as they got closer and closer to her home, it was only getting worse. Leaning across to her, Mal squeezed her hand, getting her attention as he said quietly, "It's gonna be okay, 'Nara."

Smiling weakly, she nodded and swallowed hard, "I know," she whispered, her eyes once again gazing out the window. "I know."

She shouldn't be back here. It had been so foolish of her to think that she could just come home after two years of being gone and act as though nothing had happened. Inara watched the familiar sites of her home flash past the windows, each one bringing a memory roaring to the surface that she had tried to forget. They weren't all bad of course, she did have some fond memories of her time here, but too many of them were colored by her departure. No, it hadn't been a departure, it had been an escape – she had fled Sihnon as fast as she could.

And now, she was back. Back home to visit her dying mother.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Inara felt the car slow, her heart simultaneously racing. She was here. Glancing across to Mal, she felt her breathing even out as he fixed her with one of his usual grins, the ones that made her insides flutter and she returned the smile with one of her own.

The driver came around to open the door for them and Mal stepped out first, easily usurping the man's offer to help Inara out of the car and doing it instead. She slid her hand into his and Mal noticed how cold it was. Squeezing it gently, he asked her quietly, "You all right there, darlin'?"

"Just fine," she murmured back. Keeping her hand in his, Inara began walking up the path, having to stop as Mal had frozen in place. Looking back she did her best not to giggle at the look on his face. It was one of pure, unadulterated disbelief. Tugging on his hand, she told him, "Come on, Mal."

"You lived here?" he asked in a breathy whisper as he forced his feet forward.

Nodding, Inara's mind swam with a million memories. "I did."

"What the hell you doin' on my crappy boat?" he asked, meaning it as a joke, and more than surprised when Inara took offense.

"I love Serenity, Mal." She had stopped, turning to face him and he noted the sincerity in her eyes. "It's my home now."

Nodding once, Mal smiled wide at her statement and then placed her arm through his as they continued walking. "An' don't you forget it," he murmured, pressing a kiss to her hair, just as they reached the door.

Swinging open at their approach they were greeted by a blonde-haired young man, perhaps a bit older than River, with sparkling blue eyes. "Inara?" he asked, his face breaking into a handsome grin as he saw her.

Inara smiled wide, the expression reaching into her eyes and she moved away from Mal as their greeter rushed forward and enveloped her in a hug. Picking her up, he spun her in a circle, holding her tight before placing her back on her feet.

"I missed you, jie jie," the man confided, taking both of Inara's hands in his own and kissing them lightly.

"I missed you too, Linny," Inara breathed and meant it. She had never suspected such a welcome, but she was more than gladdened by the sight of her brother.

Glancing to Mal who stood uncomfortably to the side, Colin Serra asked, "And who is this rough-looking gentleman?"

Mal thought about acting offended, but then noted the gleam in the other man's eye and guessed that the question was purely rhetorical. More than likely asked to make Inara blush; glancing to her, Mal knew he was right.

Stepping forward he extended his hand and said, "I'm Malcolm Reynolds."

Shaking the hand, Colin bowed slightly as way of greeting and said, "I'm Colin Serra, Inara's younger brother. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Once the men had exchanged pleasantries, the three of them found themselves standing about uncomfortably. Inara knew that Colin and Mal had absolutely nothing in common and she had guessed this might be awkward. Desperate to break the tension, she asked her brother, "How is Vivi?"

Frowning, Colin kept a hold of her hand and walked them both inside, Mal following at a respectable distance. "Not well, Inara. I'm glad you were able to come."

"You can thank Mal for that," she told him, flashing the man a small smile over her shoulder. "He graciously rearranged his entire schedule to allow me to come back."

"Well then, I do thank you, sincerely." Colin ushered them into a room off the main foyer and Mal did his best not to look like a backwater hick. The mansion was more ornate on the inside than it had been on the outside. Everywhere his eyes rested he was greeted with something more than expensive, possibly even priceless. Works of art, tapestries, furniture, rugs; there was not a wall or floor unadorned and he felt awash in wealth.

Offering them a drink, Inara waved it away as she told her brother, "I really want to see her, di di. Is she in her room?"

"She is, Inara, but she's sleeping." Giving her a sympathetic smile he said, "Surely you can deign to tolerate my company for an hour or two?"

Her cheeks coloring as she recognized her rudeness, Inara told him, "Of course, Colin. Forgive me."

"There is nothing to forgive, jie jie." Taking a close look at her, he commented, "You look wonderful."

"Thank you, but I know I look awful, so you really don't need to patronize me," she scolded him lightly, moving to sit on one of the room's many sofas. Mal joined her gladly, feeling a bit light-headed from all the richness around him. He wanted to reach for her hand or do something that would let her know he was close, but he knew that Inara wanted to do things in her own way, her own time; and that included letting her family know about their relationship, as fledgling as it may be.

"Captain, certainly I can get you a drink?" Colin asked, moving to the sidebar.

"I wouldn't mind some scotch, if'n you got it," Mal admitted.

Nodding, Colin clinked a few cubes into the glass, fixing the beverages as Inara asked quietly, "Where are Marina and Laura?"

Frowning again, her brother said, "Out." Moving to sit opposite them, Colin handed Mal the drink as he sat. Facing his sister, he told her, "I told them you would be coming in this morning. I'm sorry they weren't here to greet you."

Holding up a hand, Inara said, "Don't apologize for them, Colin. They are grown women who make their own decisions."

Mal watched the interplay between the two siblings as he sipped his incredibly fine scotch. It was smooth and full-bodied and he found himself rolling each sip around on his tongue so he could savor the taste and the sensation. It'd been a long time since he'd had access to liquor as fine as this.

"What's wrong with her, Colin?" Inara asked quietly, raising her eyes from her lap to focus on him.

Swallowing his latest sip, the young man sighed heavily and told her softly, "It's cancer, Inara. She pretended for a long time that everything was fine. By the time she finally went to the doctor it was too late for them to do much of anything."

Nodding once, Inara swallowed hard past the lump in her throat and rose, pacing across the room to the cold fireplace. Resting her hand on the mantle, she asked softly, "How long does she have? Rina said something about two months."

Exchanging a meaningful look with Mal, Colin explained, "We're really not sure. The doctors did say two months, a little over five weeks ago, but she's been a bit better these last few days." Looking again to Mal with a smile, he elaborated. "I think it's because she knew you were coming."

With a sad smile, Inara turned to face them both and said, "I had to come. It wasn't a choice."

"And I for one am glad." Rising, Colin again embraced his sister and then asked, "Now, I thought you came on a ship. Where is the rest of the crew?"

"Oh, they're stayin' with Serenity," Mal offered, downing the last of his drink with a bit of disappointment. "A few o' my crew might take a few days leave while we're parked."

"Well, everyone is of course invited over for dinner," Colin offered, looking to Inara with a bit of a scold. "You could have brought them, jie jie. We have more than enough room and enough beds."

"I know, Linny, and that's sweet of you," Inara told him. "But, well …"

With a sigh, Colin cut her off. "I know, I wouldn't want to introduce all of them to the wicked stepsisters either."

Stifling a very undignified laugh, Inara hit him playfully on the arm. "Colin, I'm surprised at your behavior. They are your sisters too."

"Yes, well, I'm fairly certain any sibling affiliation went out the window the day they dressed me up like granny and paraded me around the neighborhood." Colin's eyes burned with a bit of residual anger even as he laughed, joining Inara who could no longer stifle the chuckle.

"That was quite a sight," Inara remembered. "You were such a pretty old lady."

Smirking at her, Colin tickled her side lightly, causing Inara to scoot across the room and back to Mal's side. "Yes, well you're the one who left me here with them," her brother reminded her, resuming his seat. "The least you could have done was take me with you."

Sobering instantly, Inara reached for his hand. "I would have, di di," she told him earnestly, her eyes conveying the sadness that their separation had caused her. "I really wish I could have. But you have a life here and it would have been selfish of me to take you from that. No matter how much I missed you."

Smiling widely at her, Colin said, "It is so good to see you, Inara."

Covering their entwined hands with her other one, Inara told him, "You too, Colin. You too."

----- -----

"She's back, you know?"

Dark blue eyes going wide as her hand froze, fork full of food halfway to her mouth, the Companion breathed, "No. When?"

Frowning, Marina Serra sat back heavily in her seat, gazing at the other diners in the small outdoor café as she said, "This morning. She's come to see mother."

Snorting, Shelby, newly-appointed House Mistress of House Madrassa, tried not to dwell on the irony. Finishing her bite, she looked to her old friend and remarked, "I told her never to come back here."

"I don't think she's forgotten," Marina confirmed, her own eyes lighting at the memory of her little sister being thrown off Sihnon. "I suspect she had no intention of telling you or anyone related to the Guild that she was planetside."

"A wise choice," Shelby intoned harshly. Her eyes narrowing with annoyance, she reasoned, "Although now that I know she's back, I would be remiss as a Companion and a House Mistress, not to invite her around for an audience. Don't you think?"

Smirking at the implication, Marina nodded. "Yes, you wouldn't want to be rude. People might talk."

Raising her glass to toast her friend, Shelby's smile grew as she said, "Well, that is the whole idea."

----- -----

Mal circled the grounds, picking his way across a well-kept path in the afternoon light. Not only did the Serra's have a fine estate, they had meticulously cared for gardens. As Inara had asked to visit with her mother and insisted she see her first by herself, Mal had found himself restless. One glance out the window of the room he'd been given had settled what he should do with his nervous energy.

Rounding the corner of a large hedge, he stopped abruptly, confronted with a monolith reaching into the sky. The dark gray stone was etched with words near the base, the top of it tapering to a point. Moving closer, Mal knelt beside it and read the faded carvings: Charles Michael Serra, Loving Father, Devoted Husband

So this was the phantom father Inara had been none to keen to speak of. Interesting …

"I see you've found our ostentatious offering to the Gods."

Turning, Mal saw Colin's bemused grin as he stepped up beside Mal, his own eyes studying the captain as opposed to his father's grave stone. Rising slowly, Mal told him, "Well, it is a might big."

Smirking, Colin confided, "You never met my father."

Studying the younger man, Mal crossed his arms over his chest and asked, "How well did you know him?"

Tilting his head to the side as if considering something, he answered, "Not that well. I was only five when he died. My sisters were much closer to our father."

Mal absorbed this information as he rounded the large tombstone, taking in the sight of a few other plots in the small clearing. "I see this is quite the family affair," he remarked, not surprised when Colin joined him.

"Yes, the Serras are very big on tradition and lineage." Pausing for another moment, Colin studied Mal and asked boldly, "So, tell me Captain, is it your policy to accompany all your crew when they go home to visit their ailing parents?"

Offering the man a grin, Mal told him, "Not so much, no."

"So, my sister is special then?" The younger man's face lit with amusement as Mal shifted uncomfortably. Colin had inferred much about his sister's relationship with the captain from the few letters she had sent home in the past year. Something had definitely been going on between them and Mal's presence in his backyard implied to Colin that whatever it was had been getting a bit more serious.

Turning to fully face him, Mal said, "I don't need to tell you your sister's special. You'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to see that."

"Touche," Colin admitted, nodding once in acquiescence. "Let me rephrase: my sister is special to you."

With a sigh, Mal knew the kid was far more knowledgeable about his relationship with Inara than even he was. "I 'spect your sister would rather you ask her that question."

Frowning at the non-answer, Colin was about to ask again, when Mal's upraised hand stopped him. "But I will tell you that your sister is very special to me in particular, an' it was my idea to come back here with her."

Clapping Mal soundly on the shoulder, Colin told him, "You are a brave, brave man, Captain Reynolds."

Chuckling softly, he said, "Call me Mal, please." Glancing over the other man's shoulder at the tall stone tower, he asked, "So, what's the story with your pa exactly?"

Brow furrowed in confusion, Colin asked, "What do you mean?"

"Look, 'Nara is pretty tight-lipped 'bout her past, but from what she did tell me, I know that she an' your pa were not on the best of terms."

Frowning, Colin tried to recover some memory that would hint at what Mal was implying, but he'd been so small when his father had died. Shaking his head, he told him, "I'm sorry, Mal, but I was little. I don't remember much about my father, let alone about his relationship with Inara."

Mal knew it was the best answer he could have hoped for. Steering the older man back towards the house, the two of them made their way inside in an easy silence. As Mal turned to head back to his room and perhaps take a nap, Colin's voice stopped him.

"This isn't going to be easy for my sister," he confided, his blue eyes which had been shining with happiness for most of the afternoon now full of a deadly sincerity. "She pretends that she can handle anything and I am fully aware of how strong she is, but this …" Taking a deep breath, Colin collected himself and met Mal's curious gaze head on. "I'm very grateful you came with her. It means a lot to me to know she isn't alone."

A bit surprised, Mal could only stand dumbstruck as Colin moved away. Slowly making his way upstairs, Mal wondered just what exactly Inara had been running from all those years ago. He hoped that whatever it was, she let him in on it soon. He was not a fan of secrets.

----- -----

"_Vivi!"_

_With a practiced patience, Genevieve Serra looked up from her needlework, squinting against the bright sunlight to make out the form of her littlest daughter running across the open ground. Rushing up the veranda, her black curls bouncing about wildly, Inara flung herself into her mother's arms and whined, "Rina's picking on me!"_

_Soothing the girl with a light caress to her back, Vivi kissed her hair, inhaling the sweet scent of a child who had been playing in the great outdoors and asked, "How is Rina picking on you, bao bei?"_

_With a huff, Inara pulled back, looking to her mother with wide, watery eyes. Crossing her arms over her chest, she said angrily, "She said you only love me because you have to. She said I'm not really yours."_

_Her eyes belying her disappointment in her eldest daughter, Vivi glanced up to catch sight of Marina, the ten-year-old laughing gaily with her nine-year-old sister, no doubt oblivious to the distress she had caused Inara. Or, she thought frowning inwardly, completely aware and enjoying it._

_Looking back to Inara, Genevieve could only smile at the girl. Her giant brown eyes, so rich and deep were swimming with doubt and fear that her older sister may be right, while her cheeks, already darker than her mother's fair skin, were tinted pink. Putting her needlework aside, Vivi opened her arms and the six-year-old gladly crawled up and into her lap. Brushing a kiss against her forehead as they rocked, Vivi asked, "And what do you think, Inara?"_

_Shrugging lightly, the little girl curled up in her lap and murmured, "I don't know. You always tell me you love me."_

_Smiling slightly, her mother answered, "That's right, I do. And do I ever lie?"_

_Shaking her head, Inara looked up to her mother with the most serious of expressions. "No, ma'am. It's not nice to lie."_

"_That's right," Vivi concurred. Squeezing the girl to her a bit more tightly, she told her, "And your sister is wrong, Inara. I love you because you are so easy to love. There is no other reason."_

"_Really?" The little girl's eyes now reflected her hope that her big sister had simply been taunting her, as she was so apt to do._

_Kissing both her cheeks, Genevieve assured, "Really."_

_With a light sigh, Inara yawned and again snuggled against Vivi's comfortable form. "You're easy to love too, Vivi."_

_Smiling slightly, the older woman doubted that were true, but she refused to dispute the girl's claim. Instead she continued to rock her, not at all surprised when Inara drifted into a peaceful sleep._

_---- -----_

"_Marina, can I speak with you?"_

_Rolling her eyes, Marina begrudgingly rose from her bed, and opened the door to meet her mother's disapproving gaze. "Yes?"_

"_Don't take that tone with me," Genevieve scolded, stepping into the room and shutting the door. "We need to talk about what you told Inara today."_

"_I told her the truth," Marina said petulantly. How could someone get in trouble for being honest?_

"_A truth that you shouldn't even know," her mother countered, not at all having forgotten how her very manipulative ten-year-old had found out such contraband information, and been punished accordingly. "And one that your father and I expressly asked you not to speak to Inara about. It isn't your place to tell her."_

"_She isn't even my sister." Marina's face screwed up with anger at the injustice of it all. Her parents doted more on that dark-skinned, black haired devil than they ever had on her or Laura. And that wasn't fair. "I don't care about her feelings."_

_Advancing on the girl, Genevieve fought the urge to slap her. She had never raised a hand to her children, but by God if Marina wasn't pushing every one of her buttons. "How can you say that?" she asked, hoping to reason with the girl. "She is your father's daughter and that makes her your sister."_

"_No, it doesn't." Marina's voice was cold, her eyes accusing and Genevieve wondered, not for the first time, how she and Charles had so obviously gone wrong in raising the child. She'd been a beautiful little girl until Inara had come into their lives. But Genevieve loved Inara as her own and she would not disavow her just to satisfy her selfish daughter._

"_Listen to me, Marina," she warned, allowing her own voice to grow cold. "Inara is your sister and I never want to hear any differently coming from you." Letting that register, she added, "And as punishment for your thoughtlessness and carelessness today, you're grounded for a week."_

"_But Maia's sleepover is this weekend," the little girl whined, her anger at her half-sister even more fiery now._

"_Perhaps you should have thought of that before you hurt your sister," Genevieve retorted. Glancing to the open book on her bed, she said, "Thirty more minutes to read and then lights out."_

"_It's early." Marina was angry now and she would keep pushing the envelope to express her displeasure._

"_Not for naughty little girls who like to terrorize their little sisters." And with one more disapproving gaze, Genevieve left the room, shutting the door firmly behind her. Leaning against it, she let out a heavy sigh. She had known, six years ago when Inara was born that integrating the dark-haired child into her family could prove difficult. But she had really hoped she'd been wrong; she'd never been more disheartened to be proved right._

----- -----

Inara's hand rested over the knob of her mother's door. She'd been standing like this since she'd left Mal and her brother to go and visit with the woman and never had she felt more foolish. But the fear churning in her belly was stilling her hand, no matter how much she berated herself for being such a coward.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she whispered another prayer she had learned years ago and then with a small sigh, forced her hand to turn the knob.

Entering the dimly lit chamber, Inara waited a moment for her eyes to adjust. The room smelled stale, like death, and she choked a bit on the olfactory trigger. Blinking quickly, she did her best to fix a smile to her face and then rounded the large, ornate bed her mother was reclining on. Sitting gingerly on the edge, Inara took Vivi's hand in her own, gently caressing the withered skin.

Her face was ashen, not the healthy creamy color Inara remembered. Her hair fell in white tufts about her face, still thick, but woefully unkempt. Smiling softly with remembrance, Inara reached out and ran her fingers through the soft strands. Vivi had always let Inara play hairdresser, using her head as the experiment, and regardless of the outcome, the woman had smiled wide, kissed her daughter and told her it was beautiful.

Stirring slightly, Vivi struggled to open her eyes, knowing that someone was in the room. The warm hand that covered her own was comforting and she could smell the sweet scent of roses and jasmine. Only one person had ever smelled so sweet. Taking in a deep breath, the ailing woman sighed, "Inara," just as her brown eyes fluttered open to regard her daughter.

Smiling even though she felt unbidden tears forming, Inara leaned forward and brushed a kiss to her mother's cheek. "Vivi," she said softly, squeezing the hand she held.

"You look beautiful, sweetheart." It was a struggle to speak, but Vivi was so grateful that her failing body had been able to last until Inara arrived.

"So do you," Inara told her, even as she noted the hollow look in the older woman's eyes. "As beautiful as I remember."

Patting her hand lightly, Vivi told her, "I will accept that compliment, no matter how untrue it may be."

Smiling a bit, Inara watched as her mother became more alert. Trying to sit up, she helped her, turning up the bedside lamp to cast the room in a buttery glow. With a small sigh, Vivi told her, "That's better. Now I can get a good look at you."

Taking her hand and placing it under Inara's chin, Vivi studied her closely. Her cheeks were a bit thinner, her eyes perhaps a bit tired, but she was still the beautiful creature Vivi had always remembered. "I'm so glad you came," she admitted, patting Inara's cheek lightly before again dropping her hand to her lap.

"Well of course, I came." Edging closer, Inara admitted, "Once I got your letter, I knew I didn't have a choice."

Frowning, her mother admitted, "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I wasn't trying to alarm you or guilt you into coming back here. I know that the reasons why you left still exist. I can imagine this is the last place you wanted to be."

Shaking her head, Inara said firmly, "It doesn't matter. You're more important to me than any of that go se."

Raising her eyebrows at the colorful language, Vivi teased, "My, my, apparently you've learned a few things living on that ship of yours." Glancing about the room, she asked, "And where exactly is that Captain you've always written me about?"

Her cheeks coloring, Inara tried to hide the blush needlessly. "Mal is out getting into trouble, I'm sure," she told her, trying to hide the smile that graced her face at the thought of him.

"I'd like to meet him."

Startled, Inara looked to her sharply and said, "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

Cocking a curious eyebrow at her, Vivi countered, "I think it's a wonderful idea. I think I should meet the love of my daughter's life before I leave this 'verse."

Tears formed instantly at her words and Inara blinked them away quickly. "Don't say that, Vivi, please."

"It's just the truth, dear," she intoned softly, her heart beating sharply at Inara's obvious distress. "You and I have never hidden the truth from one another and I won't start now."

Nodding solemnly, Inara studied her lap, waiting until she had collected herself before looking back up. "I never said Mal was the love of my life," she retorted, a small smile back on her face.

"You never said he wasn't either," Vivi reminded her, getting a small chuckle from Inara in the process. Waiting a beat, she asked, "Have you seen your sisters?"

Shaking her head, Inara rose and paced across the room to one of the large windows. "No, they were mysteriously absent when Mal and I arrived. I saw Colin though."

Smiling at the thought of her baby boy, Vivi admitted, "That boy has been practically giddy since he found out you were coming. He's really missed you, bao bei."

"And I missed him," Inara confided, turning back to her mother. "And you. I'm sorry I had to leave so unexpectedly. I'm sorry I didn't come back until now. I'm sorry I-"

Holding up a hand to stop her tirade, Vivi told her, "Inara, don't apologize. I know why you left and I would never hold it against you. I'm just glad you've come back, no matter the reason."

Moving back to her side, Inara squeezed her hand tightly and whispered, "I wish it was under different circumstances, Vivi. I hate the thought of you not being here."

"I'll always be with you, Inara," the older woman whispered, kissing her hand. "Even when I'm dead and buried."

Stifling a sob, Inara wrapped her arms around her mother and held her close, burying her face in her neck. "I've missed you so much," she murmured brokenly, her voice thick with tears.

"I've missed you too, bao bei," Vivi sighed, holding her baby girl tight as she cried.

----- -----


	6. Chapter 6

---- ----

Chapter 6

----- -----

Mal cautiously made his way down the grand staircase, on the lookout for just about anyone. He had not yet seen Inara since she had disappeared to visit with her mother and Colin had left him over two hours ago. Now the house was deadly silent and Mal was just a bit curious as to why that was. He figured there'd at least be servants milling around.

Stepping into the drawing room that Colin had entertained them in before, Mal saw that it was empty. Turning to head across the foyer he stopped abruptly as he was confronted with a small child, probably no more than six. Her blonde hair shone and was plaited in two perfect braids, tied with pink ribbons that matched her very pink dress, white tights and black patent leather shoes.

Smiling softly as she looked up at Mal with wide eyes, he knelt before her and said quietly, "Well, hello there, lil' one. Where did you come from?"

Regarding him in silence for a second more, the girl blinked and then opened her mouth letting out a high, piercing wail that Mal assumed would summon all the dogs in the neighborhood. Backing up quickly and clamping his hands over his ears, he tried to shout over her. "Easy there, girlie. I ain't a bogeyman."

"Raquel!" A sharp voice cut through the girl's screaming and she turned sharply on her heel at the sound, running across the tiled floor to cling to the skirts of the woman who had called her name.

Shaking his head to clear the ringing, Mal glanced to the adult who had saved him and immediately saw the resemblance between the little girl and the woman. Taking an educated guess, he commented, "I take it that one's yours."

"She is my daughter, yes," the woman answered stiffly, eyeing Mal suspiciously. "And who exactly are you?"

Crossing the distance between them, Mal extended a hand and said, "I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds, a friend of Inara's."

"Ah, the pirate," she murmured, glancing to his hand with disdain, before looking back to his face.

Realizing she wasn't going to shake it, Mal dropped it to his side and tried to hide his annoyance. "May I ask your name?"

"Of course, we must be civilized. I am Marina Serra Ling. Inara's older sister."

The puzzle pieces all starting to fit together, Mal nodded once and said, "Pleasure to make your acquaintance, ma'am. I'm sorry about your mother."

Clucking her tongue with disapproval, Marina turned to go, shooing her daughter into the room behind her. "I trust you've found your accommodations acceptable."

"Yes, ma'am, thank you." Mal followed her hesitantly, not surprised to see another young woman sitting in the room, a small baby cradled in her arms. "I didn't mean to interrupt your visit," he said, hanging back at the threshold.

"No, of course not, Captain. This is my sister, Laura and her baby boy, Charles." Mal nodded once and the other woman eyed him up and down before murmuring, "How do you do?"

Tension in the room increasing by the second, Mal said, "So Charles, huh? Like your pa?"

"Yes, our father's name was Charles. Surely Inara told you he's passed." Marina's condescending tone was starting to make his blood boil, but Mal was doing his best not to snap at the woman.

"She did at that," Mal murmured, his mind working furiously to find a way to extricate himself from this uncomfortable situation. Glancing over his shoulder he asked, "I was actually looking for Inara. Could you point me in the direction of your ma's room?"

Raising her pointer finger, Marina demurely stuck it straight up in the air, indicating the second floor. "Up the stairs," she told him vaguely, hiding the smirk she felt forming at her own cleverness.

Stifling the grumble he felt rising in his chest, Mal nodded once to each of them and then backed out, shutting the door behind him. Shaking slightly to rid himself of the cold chill that the two women had inspired in him, Mal quietly jogged back up the stairs, in search of Inara and her warm presence.

----- ----

Kaylee rolled over lazily, more than grateful for some downtime planet side. The Captain had promised they'd stay put for a while and although Kaylee normally enjoyed floating through the black, she had to admit it was nice to put her feet on solid ground every once in a while.

Although at the moment the only thing solid she wanted to feel was Simon's broad chest under her head. She liked using him as a pillow. Smiling faintly in her half asleep state, she reached for him, her arm and hand hitting cold sheets. Opening first one eye and then the other, she pouted when she found herself alone.

Turning her head away from the wall and looking about his bunk, she saw him sitting across from her on a low stool completely dressed, a mischievous look lighting his eyes. As he noticed she was awake, he rose and kissed her quickly, murmuring, "Good morning. Did you sleep well?"

Nodding, she rubbed at her eyes and said, "Yeah, 'til I realized you was missin'." Grabbing at the front of his shirt, she tried to pull him back into the bunk with her. "Come back to bed," she moaned softly, smiling at him in the process.

Gently disengaging her hand from his shirt, Simon smiled at her and took a step back, pulling something from behind the privacy screen they had placed in a corner of the bunk. "We can't spend all day in bed, we've got things to do."

Her curiosity getting the better of her, Kaylee sat up, wrapping the sheet around her naked body. Standing in front of him, she asked breathlessly, "What kind o' things?"

Holding up the special dress he'd purchased for her, Simon watched as her eyes danced with delight at the beautiful material. Kissing her again, he pressed his mouth to hers and murmured, "Get dressed and let's find out."

Squealing with delight, Kaylee kissed him back and then took the dress, heading out of the room and for the showers. Simon watched her go unable to wipe the smile from his face at the sight of her happiness.

Busying himself by making the bed and straightening the room until she was ready, he was startled by his sister's soft voice. "Need to be careful," she said quietly as she floated into the room and perched herself on the edge of the freshly made bed.

Glancing to the bed and then back to her, Simon asked dryly, "What? My corners aren't crisp enough for you?"

Frowning at him, River shook her head at his terrible joke and then sobered again. "I mean it, Simon. Stay close to her."

Concerned now himself, Simon sat next to his sister and took her hands. "What is it, mei mei? Do you know something?"

Shrugging, River told him, "I know lots of things. This is more of a feeling."

"Is it dangerous?" Simon asked. He hated the thought of canceling his plans, but if River thought it would put Kaylee in harm's way he'd keep her confined to the ship for the rest of their lives.

River paused for a moment, looking deep within and trying to find the root of her discomfort. But there was nothing there, nothing solid and now she felt even worse for worrying her brother. Patting his knee, she smiled and said, "It's probably nothing, Simon. I'm probably just reading your nervousness."

Highly doubting that were true, Simon blushed a bit at her insight. "Yes, I am a bit anxious. I'm really worried she won't have any fun."

Raising an eyebrow to him skeptically, River began ticking off on her fingers how ridiculous of a statement that was. "You bought her a new dress, made plans for her as a surprise and she's going to spend the entire day with you." Hitting him lightly on the arm, she said, "You're right, she'll have an awful time."

"Okay, okay," he said, holding up his hand to ward off any further attack. "I get it." Smiling wide, he added, "You know this wouldn't have been possible without you."

Returning the grin, River kissed him quickly on the cheek and headed for the door, knowing Kaylee was on her way and more than ready to accompany Simon. "Yes it would. You would have made it the best day ever, credits or no."

Nodding once, Simon watched her go and then felt his breath rush from his lungs as Kaylee stepped into view. He had deliberated over which dress to purchase for almost an hour, and he was glad to know he'd chosen wisely. The slim sheath of silk hugged Kaylee's body in all the right places, setting off the green in her eyes and causing her tanned skin to glow.

Nervously pulling at the fabric as she took in Simon's wide-eyed gaze, she asked quietly, "What? Does it look bad? It is kinda fancy."

"Are you kidding?" Simon asked, moving towards her swiftly. Pulling her tight to him, he kissed her deeply and passionately, allowing the joy he felt at just being close to her to come through in the kiss.

Kaylee eagerly returned his kiss with a passionate one of her own, more than content to not get any farther than their bunk if it meant another day of amazing sex with her swai boyfriend. Grinning against his mouth, Kaylee murmured, "See, we don't gotta go out."

Summoning all the self-control he possessed, Simon forced himself to step away from her, keeping one arm around her waist. Steering her towards the cargo bay and the exit, he said, "Yes, we do. I want this day to be special."

"Well it already is if'n I'm with you," Kaylee reminded him happily, reaching for his hand and squeezing it.

"Okay, then I want this day to be really special." Simon paused for a moment, checking his pockets to be sure he had everything. Kaylee tried to sneak a peek, but with a deft ease, Simon kept everything hidden from her view. As he offered her his arm, Kaylee took it, giving him a look of blatant curiosity.

"What exactly are you up to, Simon Tam?" she asked, trying to hide her amused smile from him.

Kissing her cheek, he told her, "Wait and see."

----- -----

Mal opened another closed door only to be greeted by another empty room. All right, this was getting ridiculous. With a sigh, he turned a corner in the hallway and caught sight of a large, ornate door at the end. Guessing that maybe he'd finally found Inara and her ma, he hurried towards it and knocked lightly.

"'Nara?" he called softly. Not hearing a response, he pushed open the door slightly and stopped short at the sight before him. An older woman who did not look well was laid out in the bed, Inara lying cuddled up into her side, sleeping peacefully. The woman looked up at his entrance and Mal blushed at his intrusion. "I'm sorry, ma'am. I din't mean to-"

"No, come here," she whispered, waving him forward.

Hesitantly entering the room, Mal moved to the bed, sitting by Inara. Taking a moment to gaze at her, he saw the evidence of tear stains down her cheeks and it instantly made him want to pull her into his arms and hold her forever. Fighting the urge, as she seemed so peaceful at the moment, he looked back to the woman, noting the way she studied him.

"I take it you're Mal," she said, her eyes sparkling just slightly as the smallest smile graced her lips.

"I am," he confirmed, reaching for her hand. "And I take it you're Vivi, er, Mrs. Serra."

Shaking his hand as strongly as her body would allow, she corrected, "Vivi is fine, Mal. It's nice to meet you."

"And you. Although I am sorry you ain't feelin' so well." Mal watched her closely, not missing how she studied every inch of his face as if gathering data to make some kind of decision.

"I'm old, Mal and I've lived a long life. Don't feel sorry for me." Vivi looked from him back to Inara, her hand absent-mindedly running through her daughter's long hair. "I wish Inara could see it that way."

Swallowing hard, Mal agreed. "Yeah, she's been a mite tense since she found out you were sick. Not too thrilled 'bout bein' home neither."

"I guessed she hadn't been sleeping," Vivi commented. "She seemed so tired."

Resting a light hand to Inara's shoulder, Mal murmured, "We've been through a lot the past couple o' months."

Vivi watched Mal as he watched Inara, his eyes conveying a compassion and love for her daughter that brought peace to her heart. To know that Inara would be loved even when she was gone made everything just a bit easier to handle.

Mal stared at Inara resisting the urge to kiss her. She looked so gorram beautiful, he thought his heart might bust just from looking at her. He pulled his hand back sharply as she stirred, more than worried that she would resent his presence within this familial moment.

Rubbing her eyes, she gazed up and saw Mal staring at her and did the most natural thing that came to mind. Sitting up, she kissed him, leaning into his chest as she pulled away. Initially shocked at her reaction, Mal quickly got over it, content to wrap his arms around her and keep her close. Looking back to her mother, Inara blinked rapidly, her mind coming fully awake and too quickly, in Mal's opinion, she pulled away.

"What are you doing in here?" she breathed, scrambling to get off the bed. Mal rose as well and offered her a hand which she swatted away.

"I was lookin' for you," he said softly, reaching for her. Hurt when she backed away, he said, "I was worried."

"I'm not a child, Mal," Inara scolded. Glancing to her mother who was doing her best to appear uninterested in their hushed fight, she told him, "And you shouldn't be here. My mother is not well."

"Inara, I told him it was all right," Vivi interjected, hoping to take some of the heat off of the young man's shoulders. "It gave us a chance to get acquainted."

Still glaring to him, Inara let out a frustrated sigh and then moved back to her mother's side. Kissing her cheek, she said, "We'll let you rest, Vivi. I'll be back after dinner to sit with you."

Gripping her hand firmly, Genevieve waited until Inara's eyes had locked with hers and said only loud enough for her daughter to hear, "Go easy on him, darling. He obviously cares for you."

"I know," Inara sighed, glancing to Mal and suppressing a grin at how he stood uncomfortably by the door waiting for her. "I just-"

"Don't let your head tell you want your heart wants," Vivi counseled, getting a small smile from Inara as she remembered all the times her mother had imparted the advice before. "Only the heart-"

"Can speak on matters of the heart." Inara finished the phrase wistfully and then smiled at her mother before brushing her lips over her forehead. "I'll be back, Vivi."

Nodding once, the older woman watched her go, giving Mal an encouraging smile as he held the door open for Inara and then followed her out. Sighing, she settled herself back under her covers more than tired from all the exertion. Hoping that her beautiful girl would listen to her heart and not her head, she fell quickly into a dreamless sleep.

--- ----

Simon watched Kaylee with a huge smile on his face as she sampled all the booths before them. He'd been thrilled to discover a strawberry festival taking place on Sihnon during their visit. As soon as Kaylee had taken in the sight of the rows and rows of her favorite berries made into every conceivable food from jams to pies to breads to wine, her mouth had started watering and not stopped.

Looking back to him from where she was watching a candy maker mold strawberry sweets, she tugged on his had and pulled him up beside her. "You gotta see this," she breathed. But Simon could only watch her. Her eyes were dancing again, sparkling with the joy and wonder that had been sorely missing since Miranda.

"Ain't it neat?" she whispered, leaning close enough so he could press his lips to her cheek.

Nodding, he told her, "Yes, it's amazing."

Flashing him a famous smile, she said coyly, "You ain't even lookin' at the candy."

Nuzzling his nose against her cheek, he whispered, "No, I'm looking at you."

Wrapping her arms around his neck, Kaylee rested her head on Simon's shoulder, perking up almost instantly as they passed out samples of the red candy. Taking one, Kaylee's eyes went wide with joy as she dropped it on her tongue. Closing her mouth and her eyes, she began moaning in that highly arousing way of hers as the candy melted on her tongue.

Drawing her away from the crowd, Simon whispered, "Are you trying to drive me mad?"

Giggling, she pulled on his shirt as they stepped out of the main thoroughfare and kissed him, her strawberry-flavored tongue diving into his mouth with abandon. Cradling the back of her head in his hands, Simon met her kiss hungrily, the sweet taste of the fruit and Kaylee mingling together and highlighting the sensation.

Breaking apart and panting for air, Kaylee kissed along his neck, murmuring, "This was a real shiny idea, Simon."

Pressing her into the wall behind her, Simon attached his lips to her neck, and told her, "I'm glad you're having fun."

"Could be havin' 'smore fun," she said quietly, snaking a hand between them and cupping him through his pants. Groaning into her mouth, Simon fought the urge to take her right there in the alley. Pulling away reluctantly, Kaylee continued to kiss at his skin as he muttered, "Not yet, we've still got more to do."

Wiggling her eyebrows suggestively, she pressed her hips against his and said, "I know."

Realizing he would lose the battle, Simon had to physically take a step back from her. "I promise, tonight, I'm all yours." As she pouted, he kissed her lightly and said, "But right now, I've got a few more surprises in store for you."

Her excitement getting the better of her, Kaylee moved towards him with a smile. Lifting a hand running it gently through his hair, she said quietly, "Simon. You really don't have to do all this."

Reaching for her hand, Simon grasped it lightly in his own and kissed it. "Yes, I do," he told her. Smiling softly, he added, "I wanted to see you smiling again and laughing and having fun." Pausing he cupped her face in his hands and told her, "I want to make you as happy as you've made me."

Returning his grin, Kaylee's heart soared with love for him and twinged with a bit of guilt at his words. "Sweetie, you do make me happy. Me bein' sad this past couple o' weeks don't got nothin' to do with you. You know that, right?"

Nodding, Simon hugged her, holding her tight. "I know that. But it doesn't keep me from wanting to show you how special you are to me. Wanting to make you laugh and smile."

Holding him back with all her might, Kaylee murmured, "I don't know how I got so lucky. I love you."

"I love you too, bao bei," he whispered back, leaning away just enough to kiss her again.

This time though, Kaylee allowed him to pull away, her eyes lighting with excitement. "So, what's next?"

---- ----

Mal followed Inara in silence back to her room. She was obviously lost in thought and he had no desire to interrupt her.

As she pushed open her door, he stood uncertainly in the hallway, not wanting to assume anything. Moving to unpack her things, Inara finally noticed him and smiled. "You can come in, Mal."

Releasing a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, Mal stepped inside and shut the door. Sitting in an arm chair across the room from the bed, he watched her in silence for a second and then asked, "Did you have a nice visit?"

A small smile lit her face as Inara moved to the closet, shaking out her dresses to rid them of wrinkles. "Yes, we did." Hanging the silky garments, she turned back and admitted, "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

Mal nodded once as Inara rushed on, feeling a need to excuse her behavior. "I do want you to know her, Mal, truly. It's just …" Her voice faltering, Inara finally allowed her eyes to take in the room. The familiarity of the place washed over and through her, permeating every muscle and bone and she felt a bit light-headed from the rush. Swaying unsteadily, Mal caught her quickly, his strong arm around her waist.

"Easy there, darlin'," he whispered into her hair, leading her to the bed and sitting her down. Kneeling before her, he held her gaze, waiting until her brown eyes were again clear before letting his guard down.

"It's so hard to be back," she breathed, looking to him with a sheepish grin.

"You jus' put your finger on why I don't never go home," Mal confided, shifting positions to sit beside her. "And if'n I had sisters like yours-"

Squeezing her eyes shut, Inara murmured, "Oh merciful Buddha, you met them, didn't you?"

"I did have the pleasure," he admitted, grimacing at the memory in spite of himself.

"Sorry?" she offered lamely, giving him a small smile.

"Nah, don't be. At least I din't have to grow up with 'em."

Inara nodded, agreeing with his luck in that aspect. "Were they really awful?"

"Trust me, 'Nara, I've gotten worse receptions from worse people. It ain't nothin'." Glancing to her, Mal ran his hand through her hair and down her back, commenting, "Gotta admit though, seein' you sleepin' all peaceful like helped my mood."

Her cheeks colorin, Inara said quietly, "I don't know what came over me. I used to sleep with my mother when it would storm," she reminisced. "She always smelled of vanilla and cloves. I guess I just missed it."

"I'm guessin' you ain't been sleepin' much since Miranda," Mal remarked, watching her closely for her reaction.

Shaking her head once, she didn't deny it. "No, not much." Glancing to him, she added, "But then again, neither have you."

"True, true." Hoping to avoid more scrutiny over his own sleeping habits, Mal told her, "Oh, an' I met one o' your nieces too."

Grimacing, Inara muttered, "Raquel, I'm sure." Turning a sharp look on him, she bit out, "She's a devil."

Laughing out loud at her assessment, Mal told her, "Yeah, I got that from the screamin' an' carryin' on."

Rising again, Inara headed to put away her toiletries, telling him, "Well then, you got the full Serra family experience."

Mal watched her disappear into the bathroom, wondering how much he should really push. He wanted the whole story, but most importantly, he wanted Inara to trust him enough to tell it to him.

"Yeah," he said finally, raising his voice to be sure she could here him. "Saw your pa's grave too." Waiting a beat until she reappeared, he noted the paleness in her complexion as he added, "Quite the slab."

"I suppose," she said noncommittally. Heading for the door, she called, "Ready for dinner?"

"'Nara-"

"Mal, not now, please." Turning to face him, her eyes were deep pools full of a silent plea. "I promise I will tell you all the sordid details, just not tonight."

Moving towards her, he looped an arm around her waist and brushed a light kiss to her mouth. "You promise?"

Smiling, she nodded. "Yes, Mal. I do."

Reaching to the open the door, he said, "Well, all right then. Let's get some chow."

----- ----

"See? An' that's the problem, right there." Kaylee was pointing and gesturing quite emphatically and Simon was doing his best to keep up. Looking to the metal box she was so obviously offended by, he nodded once, encouraging her to continue and so she did.

Circling the Capisson-38 engine on display, she bent down, hiking up her dress in the process and told him, "The compression coil is all outta whack, but it's the grav thrusts that cause the burn out. I'm tellin' ya, whoever designed this thing had his head firmly up his pi gu."

Stifling a chuckle, Simon extended a hand to her, which Kaylee gripped gratefully, allowing Simon to pull her up. Holding her close, he commented, "Well, I'm certainly glad then that Serenity has a genius mechanic like you."

Smiling back, she said, "Yeah, but my smarts with machines ain't got nothin' to do with shoddy design." Scoffing at the engine over her shoulder, she said, "Even I couldn't keep that thing in the air."

"I highly doubt that," Simon remarked, steering her away from the engine and walking across the wide gallery to another engine, this one older and far larger.

"How would that thing ever fit on a ship?" Kaylee asked, stepping forward to read the placard explaining its origins. Simon glanced about the museum as she read, taking in the people milling about, weaving in and out of this exhibit on power and propulsion systems, from Earth-that-was to the future that will be, or something like that. It had been another fortuitous coincidence that Sihnon's Museum of History had been hosting this particular exhibit.

"Ooh, Simon, have ya seen this?" Kaylee's voice pulled him from his thoughts and he rounded the large piece of equipment, looking for his girlfriend. "This right here was the power source," she explained as he stepped closer. "Used to run on steam. Can you 'magine?"

Simon shook his head and told her truthfully, "No bao bei, I really can't."

Kaylee looked back to the large engine, her hands practically itching to pick up a tool and take one of them apart, just to see how it really worked. "It makes me wanna take somethin' apart," she murmured quietly, missing Simon's wide-eyed gaze.

Steering her towards the exit, he said, "Are you hungry yet? Because it is dinner time."

Placing a hand to her tummy, Kaylee smiled and said, "Another surprise, huh?"

"Maybe," Simon confided, his lips quirking up into a sly grin. "Have I disappointed yet?"

"Are you kiddin' me?" Halting in the middle of the room, Kaylee turned to him and said, "Simon you took me to a gorram strawberry festival an' an engine exhibit. This is my dream come true."

Frowning slightly, Simon averted his eyes and mumbled, "Oh, wait, I thought I was your dream come true."

Laughing, Kaylee flung her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly, not at all caring that they had an audience. "Well, I thought that went without sayin'."

Squeezing her to him, Simon pulled away and took a hold of hand. "Come on, there's more to do."

---- ----

Against Inara's better judgment she left Mal with her brother and sisters after dinner. He insisted that she go and spend as much to with her mother as possible and unable to argue the point, she had gone.

Opening the door, she paused, waiting until the nurse had finished administering a few medications and exited the room, before entering to sit beside her mother. Noting the pained expression on her face, Inara asked quietly, "Vivi, do you want me to leave you to rest?"

Releasing a slow, even breath, the ailing woman opened her eyes and answered, "No, Inara. I want you to stay. I want to hear all about your life." Grinning slyly, she added, "And that handsome captain of yours."

Chuckling softly, Inara rolled her eyes and warned, "Don't ever tell Mal he's handsome or his head will never fit through a doorway again."

Laughing lightly, Vivi studied her daughter, watching as she tried to hide her feelings. It was a talent Inara had possessed from a young age, and while her sisters had always been able to rile her, not much else had ever slipped past that carefully constructed shell she had built around her heart. Vivi suspected it was one of the reasons why she was such a celebrated Companion – Inara had long ago stopped listening to her own feelings and needs and become solely focused on others'. Now, when she needed that internal insight the most, her mother feared she wouldn't be able to find it.

"Inara, what's happened?" the woman asked quietly, getting her daughter's deep brown eyes to alight to her face.

"What are you talking about, Vivi?" she asked casually, trying to feign innocence.

Squeezing one of Inara's hands, she said, "Talk to me, bao bei. Like you used to."

Sighing heavily, Inara looked away ashamedly. How could she possibly tell her mother all she'd been through, all that had happened? How could she tell her that she wanted to curl up beside her again and sleep the days away until she finally woke up and the 'verse again made sense? How could Inara tell her that the one thing she had never known she wanted, but always needed, was sitting downstairs now, trying to make small talk with her siblings?

"We don't need to talk about any of that now," she said instead, pulling her hand away. "You shouldn't be worrying about my life."

Glancing about the room, she asked, "Inara, dear, what else am I going to do?" When she didn't answer, Vivi told her quietly, "I am going to die, Inara. No one can stop that now."

Swallowing down a sob that threatened to well out of her chest, Inara blinked rapidly. She had wasted so much time away from her family. And now it was time she would give anything for to have back again.

"So tell me, bao bei." Vivi regarded Inara, watching as her face relaxed, the look of fierce determination melting away into one of acceptance.

"There's not much to tell." Glancing down to her hands in her lap, Inara took a deep breath and then lifted her eyes back to her mother's face. "Mal and I … we've been getting closer," she admitted, her voice soft, but steady.

Her eyes twinkling with mischief, Vivi prodded, "How close?"

"Mother!" Inara exclaimed, trying to pretend she was scandalized, but having suspected nothing less from her Vivi, sick or not. "Not that close. Does that answer your question?" Inara explained, stifling a laugh.

Nodding once, Vivi asked, "So what's stopping you?"

Swallowing hard, Inara's automatic answer wouldn't come. But her mother didn't need to hear it to know the truth that lied in her daughter's heart. Waiting until Inara had once again looked to her, she smiled softly and told her, "Inara, you know that I have always been proud of you. Of the decisions you've made and the way you've chosen to live your life. I was very happy when you decided to join the Guild, because I knew that gigantic heart of yours would be able to provide real comfort to people who would need it."

Pausing to let those words register, Vivi continued, her tone growing more firm by the second. "But Inara, sweetheart, one thing I have always wanted for you was the chance to love someone and be loved in return. That same huge heart that you've so unselfishly given to others deserves to be cared for, to be treasured." Resting a light hand to her smooth cheek, she added in a whisper, "Don't deny yourself one of life's greatest joys because you're afraid."

"It's so much easier to say, Vivi," Inara breathed, wishing she possessed even half the strength of the woman before her now. "And after everything Father put you through how can you counsel me on love?" Inara eyed her mother quizzically, purely confused. "He-"

"Was a good man, Inara, regardless of his faults." Vivi gave her a stern look, one that held a warning Inara had seen before. "It's true that your father hurt me, broke my heart even, but I still loved him and I loved him until the day he died."

"But," Inara floundered for an excuse, a way to dispute her mother's claim. All she could remember of her parents was the occasional shared smiled, maybe a laugh, but never love, not really. Except maybe when Colin was born. "He couldn't be trusted. How could you love him knowing that?"

With a wistful sigh, Genevieve Serra directed her look out the room's far window, taking in the glittering lights of the city in the distance. She didn't often think about Charles, especially now that he was gone and had been for over fifteen years, but lately, her mind had been consumed with remembrances of him. She wondered if perhaps they would meet again. Did she even want to? Did he?

"Inara, your father made a mistake, one that he paid for the rest of his life. One that hurt him in ways I don't think you or I could ever truly comprehend." Inara wanted to scoff at this assessment, wanted to laugh harshly in the face of her mother's defense of her father. But she held her tongue, knowing that in the end, her mother's advice deserved much more respect than that. "And if we're still talking about Mal, you have to remember one very important thing."

Looking to her mother with a frown, she asked, "What?"

Leaning forward, Vivi reached for her hands and squeezed them lightly. Holding her deep brown-eyed gaze, she told her, "Mal isn't your father."

Her cheeks blushed red and she felt the heat rush up her neck at her statement. "I know that," she mumbled, averting her gaze. Her heart was beating wildly; her mother had just uncovered the one reason why she continued to hold Mal at a distance. Shamefully, she knew it was because she was afraid. Afraid Mal would betray her as her father had her mother, afraid that she would open up and truly love for the first time in her life and have her heart smashed into a thousand pieces. In short, she was just afraid. And she hated it.

"I don't think you do, Inara." Vivi's voice was gentle and calm, but Inara heard the hint of urgency running just below the surface and so she looked back to her, her face full of conflict as her heart and head waged an epic battle. "Do you love Mal?"

Inhaling sharply, Inara's eyes watered as she thought of all the nights she'd lied awake ruminating on that very question; and then the day she had finally cried tears of pain when she'd gotten her answer. On that day, in the moment she had watched him leave Nandi's room, Inara had known, beyond a shadow of a doubt that she did love him. And that's why she'd run.

"If I do?" she asked brokenly, her voice strained.

"Then tell him," Vivi commanded, smiling softly. "What good are you doing yourself keeping it locked away?"

"I'm staying safe and sane," Inara retorted hotly, rising abruptly and pacing away. "I'm-"

"Hiding," Vivi told her, knowing by the look of hurt that passed over Inara's face she was right. "You don't have any excuses left Inara."

"Yes, I do, mother." Willing her breathing to come back under control, she reminded her, "I'm still a Companion."

"And when's the last time you contracted with a client?"

How could she possibly know that? Dropping her gaze to the floor and studying her glittering shoes, Inara gave Vivi her answer. "That's what I thought. You are a Companion by title only, my dear. You don't really even have that to hide behind any longer."

Pressing her palm flat over her heart, she confessed in desperation, "I don't want to feel this anymore." As Vivi's eyebrows knitted together with confusion, Inara forced herself to go on, swallowing down tears. Sometimes her heart thudded so loudly and beat so soundly it hurt. "I don't want to feel this anxiety or worry or concern that at any minute the other shoe's going to drop. That Mal is going to realize he doesn't care and leave me!" She had raised her voice, but she was beyond caring.

She wanted to go to her daughter, but Vivi physically could not, so instead she stretched out a hand. "Inara, come here, please."

With a defeated sigh, the younger woman obeyed and sat back heavily at her mother's side. Cupping her chin in her hand, Vivi looked deep into those soulful eyes and told her, "The only way you're going to stop feeling that is to trust. Not just Mal, but yourself. You have to trust your instincts and if you think Mal is the man you love than trust that he will love you back." Wiping away a small tear as it leaked down Inara's cheek, Vivi smiled and whispered, "You are so easy to love, bao bei."

Embracing her mother fiercely, Inara whispered, "He's a good man, Vivi. I really want you to get to know him."

"So do I," the older woman assured, holding her daughter as firmly as her frail limbs would allow. "But right now, I'm tired."

Pulling back quickly, Inara wiped at her cheeks and smiled. "I'm sorry, I've been so selfish. You need to rest."

Patting her hand, Vivi smiled softly as she again leaned back into her soft pillows. "I'll rest a lot more soundly knowing that you're all right, sweetheart. I'm glad we had this talk."

Smiling back at her, Inara kissed her cheek and then headed for the door. "So am I," she admitted to herself as she headed down the hall and in search of Mal. "So am I."

---- ----


	7. Chapter 7

----- ----

Chapter 7

---- -----

_Charles Serra strode into his wife's study, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. Glancing up at his entrance with an easy smile, Genevieve's face sobered immediately as she read her husband's perturbed expression._

_Screwing up his face into a look of pure stubbornness, he told her, "We need to let the new maid go."_

_Frowning mightily, Genevieve removed her reading glasses and asked calmly, "Annalisa? Why?" When Charles could not come up with an answer, she continued. "She loves Marina and Laura, she's an absolute sweetheart and she's the only maid we've found who can starch your shirts the way you like."_

_With growing discomfort, Charles told her, "She's pregnant."_

_Her opinion immovable, Vivi digested this news and said, "Well, we can cut back on her workload the closer she gets to her due date." When Charles' expression did not change, Vivi thought of another reason her husband might be uncomfortable. "I didn't realize she was married though."_

_Grimacing, Charles felt his face blushing and he immediately averted his gaze. "She's not," he confirmed._

_A new fear gripping her heart, Vivi felt her mouth go dry. "She's so young, too young to be-" As Charles brought his green eyes back to her, Genevieve felt her world implode. The shame on his face at the statement told her that like so many of her peers, she had just become a joke._

"_Charles," she breathed placing her glasses on the desk before her and rising slowly. Leaning heavily on the wood for fear she would collapse otherwise, Vivi murmured, "Tell me you didn't."_

"_It was a mistake." The man, so handsome and youthful in appearance, was ready to grovel to save his marriage. "I love you and our girls."_

"_Apparently not enough," Genevieve spat back, doing her best to keep an even temper. Nothing would be solved by railing against him, no matter how badly she wanted to. "How could you?"_

"_I don't know why I did it, Vee." Taking a chance, he rounded the desk reaching for her and felt his heart plummet to his feet when she backed away, eyes blazing with anger and pain. "I love you," he repeated again, hoping the words would have some impact._

_Turning away from him, Vivi placed a hand over her heart and took a deep breath. She knew it wasn't the end of her world; many of her friends, too many in her opinion, were willing participants in adulterous marriages. It was even considered acceptable, but not to Genevieve, if only for the fact that she truly loved her husband._

_Not looking back at him, she asked, "You're sure it's yours?"_

"_Yes," Charles told her in a whisper as if speaking softly would lessen his betrayal. "Please, Vivi, let me-"_

"_What?" Whirling back on him, eyes ablaze, she asked, "What, Charles? What do you possibly think you can do?" As he stared at her open-mouthed, she bit out, "That's what I thought."_

"_I can get rid of her," he said desperately. "Get her out of the house so she won't be a reminder."_

"_You will not," Vivi said firmly. "That baby she's carrying is a Serra and your responsibility." And with that, Genevieve headed for the door, clearly on a mission. "Where are you going?"_

"_To talk with Annalisa," she said, not bothering to turn and face him. "Someone needs to check on that girl."_

_Charles watched her go, sinking into the nearest chair, his head in his hands. Wondering how he could have been so foolish, he could only continue to wallow in his own self-pity._

---- ----

Shelby was awoken by the insistent beeping of an incoming wave. With annoyance, she reached for her dressing gown, pulling on the slinky material and wrapping it tightly against her body to keep out the night chill. Padding across the room to the screen, she flipped it on and bit out, "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

Not in the least bit phased by her friend's greeting, Marian simply smiled serenely and confided, "Trust me, you're going to be very glad I woke you."

Registering who it was calling her at such a God awful hour, Shelby immediately perked up. Licking her lips in anticipation, she breathed, "Yes?"

Glancing to either side of the screen, Marina finally looked back to her, the grin on her face widening. Leaning forward, she whispered, "She has a boyfriend."

Her jaw dropping open in shock that quickly turned to unbridled glee, the house mistress gasped, "No!"

Nodding once, Marina's face now held a smug look of satisfaction as she confirmed, "Oh, yes, he's in this very house. We just had supper with him."

"Oh my dear friend." Shelby's eyes glimmered with a devilish delight as she considered all she could do with this newfound information. There were so many ways she could now destroy the perfect Inara Serra – all she had to do was choose. "You're right, that was definitely worth waking up for."

---- ----

"Oh my … Simon, I ain't …" Kaylee was at a loss for words and Simon was beaming. He stood a step or two behind her as she wandered a few steps ahead, walking lightly through the lit garden. Her mouth open in a rounded 'o' at the beautiful sight, she murmured, "I ain't never seen anythin' so pretty afore."

Simon felt his smile grow even wider; he'd never seen Kaylee speechless before. As she continued to stare, her wide eyes taking in each rose, each lily, each hydrangea and all the lights that weaved through every bush, shrub and tree, Simon felt his heart lighten and his shoulders relax. Kaylee was happy and full of wonderment again. Of course there was still sadness and there always would be, but he hoped that this would help when those dark times came around again.

Shaking herself from her awestruck reverie, Kaylee half-turned, reaching for Simon and he came willingly. Weaving his arms around her waist, he pulled her tight to him, kissing her temple as her head rested against his shoulder.

"It's all so beautiful," she whispered, her eyes twinkling as they roamed the space.

"Sihnon is known as the city of light," Simon reminded her, his lips whispering against her cheek before he kissed her again.

Smiling, Kaylee turned in his arms, her hands resting lightly on his chest as she touched their foreheads together. "I don't know how to thank you for this," she confided quietly, wondering if it were possible to feel too much for a person. "After everythin' that's happened, I-"

Dipping his lips to hers, Simon silenced her next sentence with a kiss, one that Kaylee returned with passion. Running her hands up and over his shoulders, she pressed their bodies together tightly as Simon's strong hands held her close.

Guided by instinct and their knowledge of one another, Simon and Kaylee made the kiss endless, their tongues dancing with passion as their hands and bodies touched and clung to the other.

Separating only for air, Simon ran his fingers down Kaylee's cheek and murmured, "I love you." As she smiled and leaned in to kiss him again, he whispered, "Marry me."

Pulling back abruptly, Kaylee looked to him in surprise, her expression mirrored on Simon's face. "What?" she asked breathlessly, having a hard time hearing anything over the beating of her heart.

Blushing furiously, Simon mentally kicked himself for his sporadic behavior and lousy timing. He'd never meant to ask her like this, off the cuff, with no ring, nothing to give her but his empty hands and even emptier bank account. Plus, it was too soon, too soon after Miranda, too soon into their relationship.

Backpedaling, he told her, "I'm sorry, I-"

Stepping away from him completely, Kaylee's eyes lit with an angry fire as she asked, "Sorry? What s'matter? You din't mean it?"

"No, I did," Simon hastened to explain, reaching for her. Glad when she didn't back away again, he said firmly, "I just, I never intended to ask you now, not like this, not when I have nothing."

Resting her hands to his face, Kaylee said softly, "What're ya talkin' about? You got everythin'." As he furrowed his brow, about to remind her about his less than stellar track record with the authorities and his empty pockets, she added, "To me ya do, anyway."

"You mean you would?" Simon felt his breath rush of his lungs as he waited for confirmation. He knew she was it for him; he would be with Kaylee for the rest of his life or he would be alone; Simon Tam was rarely sure of much, especially when it came to matters of the heart, but he was certain of that. "You'd marry me?"

"O' course I would." She stepped closer to him again and Simon could feel her gentle breath against his cheek. "I'm in love with you, silly. I'd be crazy not to say yes, if'n you was really askin'."

Cradling the back of her head in the palm of his hand, Simon pressed his lips to hers, tracing her lip with his tongue until she parted them and welcomed him. He felt such love for her he feared his heart might burst. Drawing her mouth from his after a moment, Kaylee started a line of slow, warm kisses from his chin to his jaw line and back to his ear, causing a small groan to escape Simon's lips as her touch sent a jolt straight to his groin.

"I'm thinkin' we should get outta here," Kaylee murmured as her tongue darted out and traced his ear before her teeth bit down gently on his lobe.

"I'm thinking you're right about that." Simon's arms had drifted to hold her firmly around her back, pressing Kaylee against him, causing his body to shudder again with his growing need. With an effort, he finally pulled back from her, taking her hand in his. "Come on. One more surprise."

Pouting, she told him, "But sweetie, I wanna thank ya for all my surprises." Stopping abruptly and tugging on his hand, Kaylee brought their bodies back together forcefully, their groins meeting and causing a small moan to escape them both.

Dropping a kiss to the tip of her nose, Simon smiled one his most swai grins and said, "Trust me," before reaching for her hand and pulling her out of the garden and toward his final surprise.

---- ----

Inara awoke slowly, her mind registering the rhythmic knocking sound, but not quite able to place it. As she blinked her eyes open, taking a moment to adjust to the morning light that streamed through her window and realized that rapping was the sound of a knock on her door.

"Come in," she called, expecting to be greeted by her brother or a maid.

So when Mal pushed open the door, balancing a full tray of food on one arm, she sat up quickly, holding the sheet in front of her nightgown-clad body. "Mal." She knew she sounded surprised, and why her heart should be beating so rapidly she had no idea. Willing it to slow down, she placed her calm exterior back on her face and asked casually, "What are you doing?"

"Tryin' to give you breakfast in bed." He was having a difficult time maneuvering the door and the food and Inara pictured it all crashing at his feet. Rising swiftly, she reached for the tray, taking it from his forearm just as it teetered once. Grinning his thanks to her, Mal straightened and shut the door, turning back to take the food and giving her a long look in the process.

"You always sleep in one o' them?" he asked, hiding the wicked grin he felt forming at her skin baring nightgown.

Frowning, she swatted him playfully on the arm even as she ran back to her bed and donned her robe. Tying the sash tightly around her waist, she turned back to him with a smirk and answered, "Except for the nights I sleep naked."

His smile even wider, Mal murmured, "Now you tell me," as he moved over to her bed and placed the tray on top of the sheets she had quickly pulled up.

Sitting at the foot of the bed as she sat back at its head, Inara took in all the treats and looked up at him with a quizzical gaze. "You didn't have to do all this," she told him honestly, still getting used to who Malcolm Reynolds was when he was in a relationship.

Shrugging, he reached for a banana and peeled it, saying, "I know, but I figured you were up late with your ma an' may not feel like facin' folks this morning."

Taking a bunch of grapes and cradling them in her palm, Inara smiled and translated. "So, in other words, my sisters are back this morning?"

Nodding, Mal swallowed his banana, and told her darkly, "Yup an' this time they brought the husbands."

Looking to him with a sincere expression, she said, "Thank you, this is definitely preferable to dealing with that." With a sigh, she popped a grape into her mouth, delighting in the feel and taste of the fresh fruit, such a luxury in the black. "Although, it's really only delaying the inevitable." Glancing up to him with sad eyes, she told him, "I have to face them sometime and dinner last night was only the tip of the iceberg."

"Tell me about it," Mal muttered, reaching for a piece of toast and munching. Leaning down on one elbow, he sprawled himself at the foot of the bed and missed her worried expression.

Taking a sip of juice she waited a second and then asked, "So, are you going to tell me what happened last night?" When his only response was a frown, she elaborated, "Between you and my sisters. I can guess this is as much for your sake as mine."

With a grimace and a muttered curse, Mal straightened and told her, "How you can be related to them, I'll never understand. Let's just say the after dinner conversation went about as well as the during dinner conversation."

Closing her eyes and muttering her own curse, Inara felt rage well in her chest. "I knew I shouldn't have left you with them."

"Hey, I'm a big boy an' I can take care o' myself," Mal reminded her, reaching across the bed to squeeze her hand. "Besides, your brother tried to run interference for me. He's a sweet kid. Don't quite got the chutzpah to go up against them, but he tried awful hard."

Smiling slightly at the thought of Linny going toe to toe with Marina, Inara said, "I'm glad you had at least one ally, especially since I abandoned you."

"I'm the one that insisted on comin'," Mal reminded her. "An' the whole reason we're here is so you can spend some time with your ma." Glancing to Inara, he saw a shadow pass across her face at the mention of her mother and he asked quietly, "Everythin' go okay when you saw her last night?"

Blinking rapidly to pull herself back into the present, Inara smiled wanly and said, "Yes, of course, fine."

"Huh." Mal's trademark grunt was enough to draw an eye roll out of Inara. Waiting for his question, she simply held his quizzical gaze with a firm one of her own. "What'd you two talk 'bout?"

You, she wanted to say. Inara was aching to tell Mal what her mother had said, what she had realized last night, but she just couldn't, not yet. "It was girl talk, Mal," she said instead, hiding a smile at the look of pure disgust that ran across his face. "I doubt you'd be interested."

"Ya got that right," he said emphatically, reaching for another piece of toast and chewing viciously. As a few moments of silence stretched between them, Mal finally asked, "So, more visitin' today?"

Nodding, Inara said, "I suppose so. I-"

A knock on the door interrupted her. Rising, Inara asked, "Who is it?"

"Inara?" That pinched voice could only belong to one person and Inara involuntarily cringed. "It's Marina."

Asking Buddha for a bit of patience, Inara finger-combed her hair back from her face and then opened the door, standing firmly in the small crack she created so that Marina could keep her prying eyes to herself.

"We missed you at breakfast," the older woman told her, eyeing Inara's state of dress with a critical eye.

"Yes, well I just wasn't very hungry," Inara answered evenly. "Was there something you needed?"

Smiling tightly, Marina answered with mock-enthusiasm, "Oh, not me, Shelby." As she watched Inara's face blanch just a bit, Marina continued trying to keep her look of self-satisfaction to a minimum. "You remember Shelby, don't you Inara? Well, she's house mistress now and I ran into her and told her you were home and well, of course, she's dying to see you."

Inara's eyes blazed a bit, a look Marina was all too familiar with and it only egged the older woman on. "I told her your schedule was wide open, so she's expecting you for tea this afternoon. Have fun." And with that, she turned on her heel and headed down the hall, fighting the urge to hum a merry tune.

Inara stared for several moments after Marina was out of sight, feeling her stomach roiling uncomfortably. Wishing she hadn't eaten anything, she slowly, resolutely, closed the door and stood for a moment with her hand resting against the cool wood. "Oh go se," she muttered.

"What's wrong?"

Jumping, Inara had completely forgotten Mal was in the room. Turning to face him with a scowl, she headed across the room to her closet and flung it open. Looking at each of the dresses she'd brought, her stomach ached even worse as she realized they were all sorely out of fashion and beginning to look worn; Shelby was going to have a field day with this.

"'Nara?" Mal watched as Inara's shoulders rose with each huffy breath, having witnessed her anger plenty of times before. He certainly knew the signs. Rising, he walked up behind her and placed his hands on her shoulders. When she simply tensed at his touch he backed off again and asked, "What's goin' on?"

"Nothing, Mal." Her voice was old and tired and Mal didn't like it. Turning her to face him, he saw the sadness that rimmed her eyes, highlighting the anger that still burned in them as well. "It's nothing, all right."

"No, it ain't all right," he snapped. Now he was mad and he had no idea why. "What'd that witch of a sister o' yours do now?"

Releasing a heavy sigh, Inara said, "It's not your concern."

"Not my …" His voice faltering, Mal backed away from her, truly baffled. Watching her as she continued to bore holes into him with her fierce gaze, Mal asked, "What's goin' on here, 'Nara?"

"Marina's arranged for me to go see the Mistress of House Madrassa, who is an old, old _friend_." Inara spat the word, clearly indicating to Mal that she really meant enemy. "I have nothing decent to wear and considering the circumstances this is not how I wanted to be reintroduced to my colleagues at the Guild."

Mal's stomach clenched tightly as if a strong fist has closed over it. "Reintroduced?" he questioned softly, his mouth going dry. "What's that 'sposed to mean?"

Not having the time to clear up his obvious misunderstanding at her choice of words or patience to stroke his ego, Inara strode past him and told him, "We'll have to do this later. I need to get ready."

As she moved past him, Mal grabbed her elbow firmly and whirled her around to face him. "Tell me what's really goin' on, 'Nara."

"No, Mal." It wasn't up for debate, her answer told him that. "This is why I didn't want you to come in the first place. There are things going on here that you don't understand."

"I would if'n you'd jus' tell me," he shouted angrily. He had lost his patience months ago when it came to the confounding woman standing before him now. He loved her, he knew that, knew it even though he'd thought himself completely incapable of ever feeling such strong and deep emotion for another person again. But she could also rile him like no one else and it was her ease at doing so that unhinged him. "I thought we was gonna try this," he told her, forcing his voice lower. Taking her by the arms, he asked, "Why've you gotta be lyin' to me?"

She didn't want to. Inara wished she could tell him all that was happening and wished even more that if she did he'd be able to help. But he wouldn't, so what was the point of him knowing? Whether she loved him or not, Inara was determined to keep some things to herself.

"It's not a lie, Mal, there are just things that are better left unsaid." Searching his eyes for understanding all Inara saw in them was pain and her already churning stomach did another flip. Dropping her gaze, she said quietly, "Now, please, I have to get ready."

He released her in an instant, feeling hollow although he didn't know why. A million retorts springing to mind, each more damaging then the last, Mal held his tongue, wondering what compelled him to do so as he stormed from the room. Slamming the door behind him, he realized he wanted some gorram answers. And he was going to get them.

Inara jumped as the door shut with a slap. Sinking slowly onto the bed, she felt her insides shake and in an instant she was in the bathroom, retching. She was angry that Shelby had this kind of power over her, but even more angry at her father. It was his fault in the first place that she'd ever had to hide, to run, be ashamed of who she was. She shouldn't care, Inara knew that. She was a grown woman who had made a good life for herself and who, now, had the chance to have something real and good with a man who cared for her.

But her years of training were not so easily dismissed and although Inara wanted to turn her back on the Guild that had given her life a sense of purpose and direction, she couldn't.

Waiting another few minutes to be sure her stomach was settled, Inara went about the business of getting ready, wishing now more than ever that she'd never returned to Sihnon.

----- -----

_Inara stood beside her mother, holding her hand in hers, while she clutched at her brother's tiny hand with the other. It was a dreary day, a rarity on Sihnon to be sure and Inara had to wonder if Buddha weren't coloring the clouds gray to match her mood._

_She listened as the priest finished the eulogy, wiping at a tear that had fallen down her cheek. Her mother, also crying, wrapped an arm around Inara's shoulders and the eleven-year-old took comfort in her warmth and the smell of vanilla and cloves that always surrounded her._

_Colin was fidgeting again and Inara squeezed his hand hard to remind him to be good. She knew they couldn't really expect any more from the five-year-old; he had already weathered the church service in relative silence. But her mother had asked Inara to watch him and keep him in line and she would do just that._

_An hour later the family was once again safely ensconced inside their warm and dry estate. Shedding their wet outer coats, the four Serra children stood in a small huddle in the foyer and for once Marina was not pulling at Inara's hair or making a joke. For once, the fifteen-year-old seemed to be showing a modicum of decency, respecting the memory of their dead father and although Inara would be loathe to admit it she was glad; she really wasn't in the mood._

"_Jay-Jay," Linny whined, looking up to Inara with those big blue eyes. He had yet to completely get the hang of saying jie jie, Mandarin for older sister, but no one bothered to correct his pronunciation – it was fairly cute after all. "I'm hungry."_

_Smiling to him, Inara said, "All right, Linny. Let's get something to eat." Looking to her sisters, she asked, "Will you please tell mother we'll be in the kitchen?"_

_Laura and Marina nodded silently, waiting until both younger siblings were out of earshot before charging into the large drawing room where they knew their mother to be. She was sitting before a roaring fire, the reds and oranges of the flames do nothing to enliven her ashen features._

"_Mother?"_

_Marina approached her quietly, Laura following in her big sister's shadow as always. It was rare to see the two apart and now, it was even more imperative that they show a united front._

_Rounding the chair their mother was sitting in, both girls flanked either side and it took Genevieve a full minute to pull her gaze away from the flames and over to her eldest daughter's green eyes. "Yes, sweetheart, what is it?"_

_Glancing to Laura, the younger girl gave her sister a nod of encouragement and Marina looked back to her mother. "Laura and I think it's time to send Inara away."_

_Inhaling a sharp breath, Genevieve looked from Marina to Laura and back again before breathing, "What?"_

_Frowning slightly, Marina pushed on. Her mother was currently at her most vulnerable and so the teenager knew that if they had any chance of getting rid of the black sheep of their family, it would be now. "She's not even yours," the girl told her harshly. "She was father's mistake and now he's dead. Why should we have to keep putting up with her?"_

_Without even thinking, Genevieve raised her hand and slapped her daughter soundly across the cheek. The sharp noise reverberated in the otherwise silent room and when Marina looked back to her mother, her eyes were swimming with tears of hurt and betrayal. "You will never speak that way again, Marina." Her mother's voice was deadly and the girl shook in spite of her anger. "Inara is your sister and she is my daughter and I never want to hear another word to the contrary."_

"_She ruined our family!" Marina's tears came hot and fast now. Balling her fists at her sides, she screamed, "Inara's the reason our family is so miserable!"_

"_What?"_

_At the sound of the small, broken voice all three of them turned towards the door, inhaling a collective gasp at the sight of Inara standing there. With tears falling down her face, she looked between her sisters and then to her mother and whispered, "Mother, what's going on?"_

"_Shut up," Marina said angrily, striding across the room and towering over the shorter girl. "She's not your mother, don't you call her that. You're just a bastard child! An example of our father's weakness. Get out!"_

_Not needing or wanting to hear anymore, Inara turned on her heel and sprinted from the room, taking the stairs two at a time. Flinging open the door, she slammed it hard, and then pitched herself forward face down on her bed. Her small body heaving with sobs, Inara buried her face into her pillow and cried until the silky material of her bedspread was soaked through. Shivering at the anger and hatefulness in her sister's words, Inara curled up into the tiniest ball she could manage, her face drying quickly as she had no more tears to cry._

_Her eyes swollen and puffy, she was lying there listless and staring when her mother knocked lightly on her door. "Inara, sweetheart? Can I come in?"_

_She didn't answer and so Vivi pushed open the door and entered. Moving around the bed to sit before the precious little girl, she ran her hand gently through Inara's tangled curls, murmuring, "Oh, bao bei. I'm so sorry."_

_With tears she didn't know she had welling in her eyes, Inara looked to her mother and then slowly crawled into her lap. As Vivi's arms cradled her tight to her chest, Inara sobbed, "Why does Marina hate me? I don't understand. She's my sister. We're supposed to love each other."_

"_Shh, hush now." Vivi tried to silence her, rocking the young girl back and forth, her lips pressed against her forehead as she whispered soothing words of comfort. Once Inara had again cried all the tears she had, the older woman told her, "Marina's feelings for you have nothing to do with you, Inara."_

_Glancing up to her mother with a confused look, she said, "I don't understand."_

_Smiling sadly, Vivi pushed some of Inara's thick curls behind her ear and said wistfully, "I know, bao bei." Pausing for a second she felt her breath hitch in her throat. She had already punished Marina to within an inch of her life and while Vivi prayed it would be enough, she also feared that her eldest daughter would never love the girl she held now. _

_As her mother hesitated to explain, Inara bit her lower lip, feeling it tremble with the threat of more tears. "It's not true, is it?" she asked in a shaky voice. "You are my mother, I know you are." Burying her head back against Vivi, Inara cuddled into her firmly and she instinctively tightened her hold on the shaking girl._

"_I am your mother because I love you like a daughter," Vivi said quietly, wishing she didn't have to explain this. Damn you Charles for leaving this to me. "But some of what Marina said is true, Inara."_

_Shaking her head against her chest, Inara muttered petulantly, "No, no, no."_

"_Inara, sweetheart." Vivi waited for the girl to look at her, knowing she would. She was a good child, had always been. She was sweet-natured and well-mannered, much like her birth mother had been. Looking down, Vivi felt her eyes again well with tears as Inara's large eyes, brown pools of pain and confusion, looked up at her._

_Choking back a sob, she said quietly, "I never wanted to tell you this and your father and I agreed a long time ago that we wouldn't, but …" Thinking of her eldest daughter and the rage she had always exhibited towards Inara, she supposed she was lucky to even have had eleven years of relative simplicity._

"_What is it?" Inara asked innocently, her eyes even wider than just seconds before._

_Cupping her cheeks in her hands, her mother said as evenly as she could manage. "There's something I have to tell you about your father and where you came from."_

----- ------


	8. Chapter 8

---- ----

Chapter 8

---- -----

Vivi was just getting comfortable, her blankets tucked securely around her when she heard the knock at the door. "Come in," she called, raising her voice as loud as she could given her current state.

The door pushed open and the person she was greeted with was the last one she had expected to see. "Malcolm," she said, trying to hide her slight surprise. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Standing hesitantly in the doorway, Mal suddenly realized how foolish this was. The poor woman was practically knocking on death's door and here he was, ready to grill her for information regarding her incredibly stubborn and confusing daughter. "Ah, I'm sorry, Miss Serra. I shouldn't be botherin' ya." He tried to retreat, but apparently stubbornness was an inherited trait.

"Don't be ridiculous, Captain." Waving him into the room, she said, "All I have is time, so come in and sit a spell."

Smiling nervously, Mal did as she asked, walking slowly over towards the bed and sitting gingerly on the edge. As he spent the next few minutes not speaking and looking anywhere but at Vivi, the older woman grew impatient. "I don't have that much time, Malcolm," she told him bluntly, not at all surprised when he turned a horrified expression to her. Giving him a small grin, she said, "Out with it."

Releasing a heavy sigh, Mal shored up as much of his courage as he could find and met the older woman's gaze. "Ma'am, I was wonderin' if you might tell me why 'Nara left Sihnon."

Doing her best to stifle her initial response to his request, she kept her voice even and told him, "I'm fairly certain that's something Inara would rather tell you herself."

Nodding, he agreed. "I heartily agree with ya there, but 'Nara ain't been in a sharin' mood lately, an' I can't help feelin' that what I don't know is a big piece o' the puzzle of her life."

Taking a moment to study his face, Vivi found her eyes locked on his blue ones. She saw a steeliness there, a resolve that spoke of years of just trying to survive. But she saw warmth as well, it was the same warmth she'd seen when he'd found Inara by her side a day ago and gazed at her daughter with such compassion and love it had literally taken Vivi's breath away.

Leaning forward, she reached for Mal's hand and squeezed it gently. "Mal, I'd love to tell you all of Inara's secrets if only for the fact that I think it would help her to share the burden of her past with someone." Mal inched forward, hoping to finally get the answers he so desperately sought.

With a sad smile, Vivi continued, "But unfortunately, it's not my story to tell. I'm sorry."

Sighing again, Mal's head hung in defeat. Pulling his hand from hers, he rose and muttered, "I figured. Thanks for listenin', Miss Serra."

His hand on the door knob, Mal paused as Vivi again addressed him. "Malcolm?" Turning to face her, he caught sight of her serious expression and steeled himself for whatever question would pass from her lips. "Do you care about my daughter?"

Straightening, Mal threw his shoulders back even as he felt his heart beat sharply against his rib cage. It was a familiar ache that resided there, one full of longing and need and contentment; an ache that was almost healed if only he and Inara could find a path to one another. Locking eyes with Vivi, he told her firmly, "I do, ma'am. I care for her more than I ever thought I could care for another livin' soul."

Smiling to him once again, the older woman sat back into her pillows and told him, "Ask Inara again why she left and don't stop asking until she tells you."

Returning her grin with a small one of his own, Mal nodded once in acknowledgement and then left more than anxious for Inara to return from her meeting so they could once again have a talk.

---- ----

"_I'm leaving, Marina."_

_Looking up sharply, Marina's eyes narrowed as she regarded her youngest sister standing in her doorway. Putting down her homework, she sat back in her chair and asked, "What do you mean, Inara?"_

_Arms crossed over her chest in a look of blatant defiance, Inara refused to back down. She would no longer be intimidated by her brat of a sister; or at least, that's what she told herself. "I'm joining the Companion Guild. I'll be leaving for House Madrassa next week."_

_Resisting the urge to jump up from her chair and leap about the room screaming wildly, Marina simply pursed her lips and said, "Good," before turning back to her work._

_Inara felt anger growing in her chest and she was itching to take it out on the smug, self-important teenager who refused to even look at her. Taking a deep breath, she stepped into the girl's room, knowing that it could be viewed by her jie jie as an act of war and not caring. There was something they needed to get straight before she left._

_Walking stiffly towards her sister's desk, when Inara next spoke she was standing just over her shoulder and she had the satisfaction of watching Marina jump in alarm. "Stop torturing Vivi for being a kind-hearted person."_

_Turning disdainful eyes in her direction, Marina pressed her lips into a thin line and bit out, "What?"_

"_Mother only did what was right and kind. She doesn't deserve your hatred." Inara kept her chin high even though she felt her insides quivering at the look of pure detestation on her sister's face._

_Rising to her full height, Marina enjoyed watching Inara cower away from her. "You have no business telling me how to treat my mother." Marina's voice was low and deadly and Inara backed up. "She's my mother, not yours, and you've been a dark mark against this family long enough."_

_They were to the doorway by now, Inara once again back in the hall and with a quick flick of the wrist, her sister's door was shut in her face, slamming loudly. Frozen to the spot for several moments, Inara finally forced her feet to move away, taking a measured pace back to her own room to resume her packing._

_It sickened her to realize that her choice to join the Guild would give Marina exactly what she wanted, Inara gone, but the young girl also knew she could not stay here any longer. Her older sister was right, Vivi wasn't her mother, not by blood and with her father gone, Inara was simply an interloper in their home. She would join the Guild and remove the financial and emotional burden her presence obviously put on everyone._

_She didn't belong here._

_At least, that's what she tried to tell herself as she folded her clothes into her trunk, all the while ignoring the tear stains that fell onto the fabric._

---- ----

"Inara, oh my goodness. Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?"

With air kisses to each cheek, Shelby greeted her old classmate with as much fake enthusiasm as she could muster. Grinning widely, she looked Inara up and down, taking in the shabbiness of her clothes and the slight haggardness of her appearance. It was obvious that Inara Serra's boy toy did not have the means to keep her living the life to which she'd grown accustomed. Filing that away for ammunition at the later time, she ushered the woman into her personal receiving room.

"Please come in and make yourself at home."

Inara fought the grimace that rose to her face as Shelby's voice grated against her nerves. The woman wasn't fooling anyone, least of all Inara, who had watched the slightly older woman bumble her way through many lessons. She had certainly taken to her role of House Mistress though, that was obvious. The room they sat in now was well-appointed, a few pieces of art and furniture new since Inara had last been in the space.

"I appreciate your invitation, Mistress," Inara told her, using the formal title. "It was quite a surprise."

"Nonsense." Waving away her humility as it sickened her, Shelby rang a small bell and in seconds a young girl appeared toting a tray full of tea fixings. As the servant poured the hot beverage, Shelby turned all her attention back to Inara. Squeezing her knee gently, she said eagerly, "Now, you must tell me about all that's happened since you've left us. You're story is legend around here."

Lowering her eyes demurely, Inara took the offered cup, thanking the girl. Blowing on the hot liquid, she waited and took a small sip, acutely aware of Shelby's inquisitive gaze. "There really isn't much tell. I rent a shuttle on a transport ship which allows me the freedom to conduct my business. It's quite convenient actually."

"I imagine it is," Shelby commented wistfully. "Some days, I'd love to just pack it all up and head out into the 'verse. Have the luxury to choose when and how frequently I contract with clients."

Watching the woman for any reaction, Shelby inwardly cursed when Inara's expression remained unchanged. Continuing to push, she asked, "I can't believe you find too many clients in the black with the type of money to pay for a Companion."

Hiding a faint smile behind her cup, Inara murmured, "You'd be surprised," before clearing her throat and answering more loudly, "Business can be a bit sporadic."

"Mmm, yes, I would think." Shelby seemed to ruminate on this for a moment, taking another sip before setting down her tea cup gingerly and asking, "So, when was the last time you contracted with a client?"

Almost choking on the sip of tea she'd just taken, Inara turned wide eyes to the other woman. "Excuse me?"

Frowning as if she didn't understand the discomfort of the question, Shelby elaborated, "Well, the Guild has rules, Inara, regardless of where you conduct your business." As she watched her old friend try to scramble for a response, she prodded, "So, how long has it been?"

"Is this an inquiry, Shel?" Inara was done playing games. She had more pressing matters to attend to, like her dying mother, and if her old enemy wanted to embarrass her, Inara would much rather just have her say it outright.

Apparently scandalized by the implication, Shelby feigned shock and told her, "An inquiry? Oh, goodness, no, Inara. Whatever would give you that idea?"

_Considering you're the person who ran me off Sihnon in the first place, I have no idea_. Inara felt her patience slipping. "Then I don't see what my business activities have to do with you."

Holding up her hands in a gesture of supplication, Shelby said, "Of course, Inara, you're right, I didn't mean to offend you."

Suppressing the eye roll and derisive snort she felt coming, Inara simply kept her silence, and the two women drank their tea with nothing but the quiet between them. Having already known that Inara's dance card had been less than full for almost six months, Shelby decided it was time to get confirmation on one more thing before going in for the kill.

"So, this ship you rent your shuttle on," she began conversationally, not missing how the corners of Inara's eyes tightened. "What's the crew like?"

"Eclectic," Inara answered firmly, determined to nip this line of questioning in the bud.

"Well, that goes without saying," Shelby commented offhand, trying to think of another way in. "Most Rim worlders are uncomfortable with the idea of Companions. I'm surprised your captain was willing to take you on."

"He needed the money," Inara told her, still refusing to meet the woman's accusatory stare. "And he sometimes finds my status useful."

"Hmm, your status." Waiting a beat, Shelby leaned towards Inara and lowered her voice to a whisper, "Is that all your captain finds useful, Inara?" she asked with a leer leaving no question as to her implication.

Rising swiftly, Inara banged her teacup on the table and whirled on the woman. "That's enough, Shelby." Eyes ablaze, she told the woman, "I came here as a courtesy. I did not want to appear rude, but seeing as how you have made no such accommodation, I don't see any point in continuing with this charade." When Shelby only continued to eye her with a cold stare, Inara asked, "What do you really want?"

"I want you off planet." Shelby stood now as well, and the women were practically eye to eye. "I want you off Sihnon and as far away from here as possible." Taking one more step forward, she muttered, "And I want you out of the Guild."

"Why?" Inara didn't understand how the woman's grudge could last so many years later. Gesturing about the room, she said, "You've already gotten what you wanted. You ran me off Sihnon once before and they made you House Mistress. What is the point of running me off again?"

"You have a talent for messing things up, Inara. I won't have you ruining this for me."

Gathering her skirts in her hand, Inara pulled herself up to her full height and told her sharply, "Trust me, Shelby, if this gets ruined it will be completely by your own hand."

Swiftly, Inara left the room, having no desire to entertain any further conversation with the vindictive and bitter woman. Shelby let her go, her conniving mind already spinning to find her next course of action.

---- ----

"Mother?" Marina stood at her mother's bedside, clutching the woman's hand fiercely in her own. Glancing to her sister and brother with worried eyes as they heard the older woman's ragged and unsteady breathing, Marina called again, "Mother?"

"Marina." It was a struggle for Vivi to speak, each breath burned her lungs as she tried to get the oxygen in. Her mind was spinning, and she felt darkness surrounding her. "Laura … Colin … where?"

"We're here, mother," Colin answered, sitting at her other side and reaching for her hand, Laura sitting just behind him.

Forcing her eyes open, Vivi looked to them with dead eyes and murmured, "Inara?"

"We couldn't find her," Colin explained, running his hand gently through his mother's white hair. Glancing to Marina with a hard expression, he said, "At least that's what I've been told."

Not bothering to justify her brother's thinly-veiled accusation with a response, Marina sat at her mother's side and kissed her cheek lightly. "It's all right, mother," she said quietly, refusing to cry. "Your children are here."

"Need Inara," she whispered again. She was loosing her battle with consciousness and the nurse had told them the next time she passed out, she would not awake again. "Where … is?"

"Mother, don't try to speak," Marina counseled, fighting back the bile rising in her throat as she felt more jealously towards her half-sister burning in her gut. "Save your strength."

"For what?" the dying woman barked bitterly. Turning her head to the side, she looked past both Colin and Laura and saw another figure in the doorway. "Captain?" she called, trying to extend her hand to him and failing.

Mal felt terrible for intruding, but he'd done everything he could think of to reach Inara and in her absence, he felt he should be there; at least he'd be able to tell Inara he was with her mother when she passed.

Ignoring both the glares from Laura and Marina, Mal moved to Vivi's side, taking a seat in the spot that Colin vacated. Squeezing her hand lightly, he told her, "I'm sorry, Vivi. I tried to reach 'Nara."

Shaking her head once, Vivi worked her tongue in her mouth fighting to force out a few final words. Squeezing his hand in return, she fixed her hollow eyes on him and murmured, "Take care of her, Captain. She is so easy to love."

Mal nodded once, feeling the muscle in his cheek twitch as her hand went slack in his grasp. All three children recoiled from the sight as their mother's life ebbed away, while Mal continued to stay close. He'd seen plenty of death a lot more gruesome than this; it didn't phase him in the least.

"Mother?"

Turning at the pained sound he would have recognized anywhere, Mal was up and to Inara's side in an instant. One of her finely manicured hands had risen to cover her mouth, no doubt stifling a sob, as her brown eyes went wide with sadness and grief. Wrapping an arm around her waist, Mal placed a kiss into her hair and murmured, "I'm sorry, 'Nara."

Shaking her head in disbelief, Inara moved from his hold slowly, approaching her mother's lifeless body. Linny reached for her when she was close enough and she let him take her hand while both Laura and Marina looked on from the foot of the bed in disapproval.

Sinking onto the mattress, Inara gently lifted her mother's hand, kissing her fingertips before she buried her face in the woman's shoulder and began to cry.

Exchanging looks of annoyance, Marina and Laura let the woman carry on for a few minutes, before her older sister said loudly, "Please, Inara, enough with the show." Glancing to Mal, she cocked an eyebrow and said viciously, "I don't think it's impressing your friend much."

"Rina," Colin ground out, his voice a low growl. Taking a step towards her, he ordered, "Get out."

"Or what, Linny?" She all but spat his nickname and Mal watched as the young man fought the urge to hit his sister. "You'll throw me out?" Looking to Laura and then back to their brother, she reminded him, "We have more of a right to be here than _she_ does."

"Shut up, Marina." Colin was dangerously close to losing his temper; he could feel the rage causing his bones to shake.

Ignoring him, the eldest Serra child rounded him and headed for Inara, yanking on her arm and dragging her to her feet. "Get out." Her eyes blazed as she met Inara's pained gaze. "You have no business here."

"She was my mother, Rina." Inara did her best to control her tears but she found it almost impossible. The one person in the 'verse who she'd known would always love her had just died and she hadn't been here. "I loved her just as much, if not more, than you."

Marina's hand struck out so fast neither Mal nor Colin had the chance to stop her. Rushing to Inara's side as she cradled her now red cheek in her hand, Mal glared at Marina, fighting his own urge to hit the woman. "She wasn't even your mother," the older woman spat, eyes full of rage. "You're just a bastard. Our father's mistake. You don't belong here."

With a look of pure shock on his face, Mal turned to face Inara, expecting to see her chin raised in defiance at the implication. But instead he saw sad and defeated eyes and the expression made his heart ache uncomfortably. Reaching for her, he asked tentatively, "'Nara?"

"Oh, you haven't told your boyfriend about your sordid past have you?" This was almost too good to be true and Marina was going to milk it. "Yes, Captain, I'm afraid that Inara Serra, self-righteous, egotistical and narcissistic Inara is no more than the result of a one-night stand." Fixing him with a purely evil grin, she asked casually, "That doesn't bother you, does it?"

Inara could stand to hear no more. She knew that Marina's words shouldn't effect her, it wasn't as if she hadn't heard them before, but they did, especially now. Too much had happened in the past few months: the Operative, Miranda, Wash, Book, her relationship with Mal and now Vivi dying. Inara Serra was strong, but everyone had a breaking point and she'd just been pushed to hers.

Turning, she ran from the room swiftly, unable to face Mal's questions or Colin's pitiful gaze; unable to bear the burning anger of Marina's.

Looking after Inara, Mal set his jaw firmly and then turned back to Marina, "You are a piece o' work, lady," he spat and then jogged off after his distraught girlfriend, hoping he might be able to help her.

The three remaining siblings stood in silence. Looking to their mother's body and then back to his sisters, Colin muttered, "I can't believe you," before turning and striding from the room.

Watching him go, Marina turned to Laura and said, "At least now we'll finally be rid of that liumang jian huo."

Meeting Marina's self-satisfied smirk, Laura asked her softly, "That's all you can say, Rina? Even now?" Casting a significant glance over her sister's shoulder to their mother's lifeless form, Laura could only shake her head sadly before exiting the room, leaving her older sister alone with her bitterness.

---- ----

Mal searched the house for Inara and came up empty. Feeling a bit of desperation welling in his gut, he headed outside, rounding the outer perimeter of the yard first, before working his way inward. It was a good thirty minutes after Vivi had passed that he finally found her, kneeling in the grass behind her father's monolithic headstone.

From his vantage point, Mal knew she was still crying. Her face was buried in her hands, stifling her sobs, but the shake of her shoulders was all Mal needed to see in order to know how distraught she was. Approaching her slowly, he sank onto his knees just behind her and reached for her.

Inara jumped as Mal's hand closed over her shoulder, squeezing gently. Not bothering to turn and face him, she muttered, "Go away, Mal, please."

Swallowing thickly, he told her, "No, 'Nara. I'm through runnin' away from you an' I'm hopin' you're through runnin' from me." Inching forward and resting his chin on her shoulder he said softly, "Let me help."

Shaking her head once, Inara whispered, "You can't help, Mal." Taking one more deep breath, she finally turned to look at him and Mal knew his heart broke at the sight of her grief. "You can't change the fact that the one person in this 'verse who I always knew would love me is gone. And I wasn't even there for her."

More tears welling in her brown eyes, Inara turned from him again, and Mal could only stare at the back of her head, at a loss for words. Well, that wasn't true; he was overcome with a slew of things he wanted to say, things he wished he had the courage to say, things he'd wanted to say for months. But as the sound of Inara's sobs again reached his ears, his heart, what he had once believed to be a long-dead organ beat sharply against his rib cage, reminding him that the time had come to stop wishing and wanting and start having.

Inching closer to her, Mal told her quietly, "That ain't true, 'Nara." As she turned slightly, indicating her confusion at his words, Mal hurried on. "Your ma is passed an' that's a shame. But she ain't the only person in this 'verse who loves you."

Not understanding, or perhaps not wanting to, Inara rose slowly and shook her head. Wrapping her arms around her torso in an effort to stop her insides from trembling, she told him shakily, "She was, Mal. I know Colin loves me, but it's different." Releasing a heavy sigh, Inara squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could stop picturing Vivi's ashen skin.

Looking back at him, she said, "I always knew that, no matter what, if I really needed her, she'd be there. I knew that if I ever came back, she'd welcome me with open arms. She always wanted what was best for me and I …" Faltering, Inara felt her body shake again as more pain bled from her sore heart. "I always knew she'd take care of me, long after I was capable of caring for myself."

Mal swallowed thickly, getting to his feet slowly as he let Inara's words register in his brainpan. He knew what he should say, but he wondered if perhaps a confession of feelings might be a bit much for the bereft woman before him now. The last thing Mal wanted was to add to her anxiety.

A small breeze kicked up and the cold air blew through Inara's silk dress, causing her to shiver again. On instinct, Mal moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tightly against him. Inara immediately turned into his embrace, her arms still firmly wrapped around her own body as she buried her forehead into his chest.

Resting his cheek against her soft hair, Mal murmured, "Vivi weren't the only person in this 'verse who loves you 'Nara." He waited for her to scream or accuse or blame, and it was with relief that Mal heard her release a small sigh, one of her arms snaking around his waist. Tilting her face up, she pressed her forehead into the warm skin of his neck and inhaled his comforting scent, soap and the smell of leather. Bolstered by her actions, he whispered against her hair, "I love you too. I have for a while now an' I promise to take care of you an' keep you safe for as long as you can stand it."

Smiling softly against a fresh wave of tears, Inara pressed her lips to his jaw and murmured, "Don't leave me, Mal, please." As he tightened his hold on her, Inara said, "I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of pretending that I don't have feelings for you, that I don't care."

Pulling away just enough to gaze down into her tearful eyes, Mal listened intently as she said, "My life is on Serenity, with you. I won't leave again, I can't. Not unless you want me to go."

Cradling her cheeks in his large, calloused hands, Mal brought their faces to within an inch of each other's and whispered, "I ain't lettin' you leave again, so I think we'll be all right."

"We will," Inara murmured back before Mal's warm lips covered hers, the kiss sending a shiver of delight and comfort straight down her spine. His touch imbued her with a strength she had felt lacking in her time on Sihnon and she relished it, clinging to him mightily and returning his attentions with as much fervor as she could muster.

After an endless moment, Mal leaned back from her reluctantly, grateful for the feel of her warm body molded against his. He'd never known how good it could feel to hold a person, never known that comfort that could not only be given, but received in the simple act; now that he did, he knew he wouldn't be relinquishing his grip on the exquisite creature he'd just professed to love anytime soon.

Swaying a bit in his arms as another breeze blew over them, Inara whispered, "I'm cold."

"Yeah, it is a mite chilly out here." Keeping one arm firmly around her waist, Mal gently guided her across the lawn and towards the house. They walked in an easy silence, staying as close to one another as possible. By the time they had arrived at the door to Inara's room, both of them felt the sharp stab of longing at the thought they would have to bid each other goodnight.

Dipping his head to hers, Mal kissed her, fighting the urge to make it something more. He'd be damned if he proved her right and ended up sleeping with her the night her mother died. Besides, that wasn't what Inara needed, and Mal knew that. How he knew it, he wasn't quite sure, but he did.

As their lips parted, Inara took one breath and whispered, "Mal?"

His hands still against her face, he asked, "What, darlin'?"

"Please stay with me." She bit her lower lip, unable to believe she'd actually spoken the words. It was a rarity for Inara to cry or lose control of her emotions, two things she'd already done in spades, but it was practically unheard of for her to show such vulnerability. And yet, she had.

Lifting her gaze to meet Mal's, she told him, "I don't want to be alone. I-"

Pressing a finger to her lips, he whispered, "I don't want ya to be, neither."

Smiling faintly, she took his hand and then opened the door. The two of them moved into the darkened room in silence. As Inara rounded the far side of the bed, reaching for her nightgown, Mal turned back towards the door, kicking off his boots. Pulling his suspenders down off his shoulders, he unhooked them from his pants before shedding his shirt.

Turning again, he saw that Inara had already slid into bed, fluffy blankets billowed around her. She looked so small and innocent, tucked in like that and the sight brought a small smile to Mal's face. Moving towards the bed, he lifted up an edge of the comforter and got in beside her, settling against the soft pillows easily before reaching for Inara. With the smallest sigh of what could have been relief, she pressed into his side, her head resting against his shoulder while the rest of her warm and soft body molded against him.

Wrapping a tight arm around her shoulders, Mal rubbed his cheek against the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her and then dropped a kiss to her forehead. "Sleep, bao bei."

Cuddling even closer, Inara placed an arm over his chest and whispered, "Thank you," before she felt a few more tears come and let them fall.

Mal felt the drops of water as they hit his bare chest and he simply held her close, determined more now than ever before that he would make Inara feel loved and cared for the rest of his life.

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	9. Chapter 9

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Chapter 9

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Kaylee sat in the lobby of the hotel, wishing they didn't have to go back to the ship quite yet. She could still remember the feel of the soft and silky sheets against her skin and Simon's warm touch from just an hour ago. Closing her eyes and trying to hold onto the sensation, Kaylee smiled softly, thinking of how lucky she really was.

Blinking her eyes open, she let them wander the room, looking for Simon. He had gone to settle their bill and Kaylee watched with an appreciative eye as he stood across the lobby from her now, giving her a more than generous view of his well-defined backside.

Just the thought of his body and the things he could do with it caused a small shiver to race down her spine and suddenly, Kaylee found the prospect of returning to Serenity not in the least bit disappointing.

"Whatever he's paying you, I'll double it."

Interrupted from her deliciously wicked thoughts by a smooth voice off to her right, Kaylee turned abruptly, eyeing the man who had spoken. He was well-dressed, as were most of the patrons at this hotel. Despite the early hour, he was wearing a suit, his shirt white and immaculate, his pants pressed to perfection. Narrowing her eyes at him, she asked, "Shenme?"

Sitting beside her, and a bit too close for Kaylee's liking, the man's eyes darted across the lobby to Simon and then back to Kaylee, a leering grin turning up the corners of his mouth. "Trust me," he said, dropping his voice to a husky whisper and edging even closer. "I'm worth it."

Scooting away, Kaylee felt her mouth go dry as she caught on to the other man's meaning. "Look, mister, I'm thinkin' you got the wrong idea 'bout me."

Maintaining his closeness, the man told her, "Come on, babe." Reaching for her hand and grabbing her wrist firmly, he said, "Let me show you what a real Core bred man can do."

Doing her best to pull away, Kaylee said angrily, "It ain't like that. He's my boyfriend."

Snorting derisively, the man sneered as he tightened his hold on her wrist causing a stab of pain to shoot through her arm. "He's not dating you." As his dirty gaze roved over her form, he added slyly, "At least not more than one night at a time."

"Let me go," Kaylee bit out, wrenching her wrist in an effort to pull away.

Yanking on her arm forcefully, the man forced Kaylee against him, his eyes flashing with anger at her resistance. "If you keep refusing, maybe I'll just stop asking," he growled and Kaylee felt her eyes widen at the implication.

Just as she was about to scream for help, throwing any kind of decorum out the window, she heard Simon's steady and strong voice. "Is there a problem here?"

Looking to him with annoyance, the man who had propositioned his girlfriend spat, "No problem, friend. The pia liang de xiao jie and I were just getting acquainted."

Taking a step forward as he still would not release his firm hold on Kaylee, Simon allowed his voice to grow deadly as he said, "Unhand her immediately."

His eyes offering Simon an unspoken challenge, he countered, "You've had your fun. Why do you have to ruin-" The rest of the man's insult was cut off as Simon's fist connected firmly with his face. Reeling back at the ferocity of the blow, the man fell onto the small settee. The hold on Kaylee's hand finally released, she rose swiftly, standing close to Simon's side.

Turning to her, he asked quietly, "Are you all right?"

Nodding once, her eyes were still wide as she looked back to the now very angry hun dan. "I think we better go," she whispered, her voice a bit shaky from the encounter.

Reaching for their bag, Simon's arm was firmly around her waist as he led her towards the door. "I think you're right."

Exiting the building quickly, Simon was so concerned with Kaylee's well-being that he missed the curious pair of eyes that followed him from the room and the muttered curse that issued from the same man's lips.

----- -----

"Crazy? Where'd you get to?"

Jayne circled through the cargo bay for the fifth time since returning to the ship. He'd set off as soon as they'd landed, looking for a bit of trim and some fine liquor and had been lucky enough to find both. Of course now he was feeling a might guilty for leaving the moon-brained girl on the boat by her lonesome, but it had only been two days. How much trouble could she really get in?

Grimacing at the thought, Jayne absentmindedly rubbed a hand over the scar she'd given him a few months back and headed for the galley, choosing to pass by the infirmary on the way. Glancing quickly to the dimly lit room as Jayne had assumed it would be the last place River would hide, he stopped abruptly, his mouth falling open with a bit of surprise.

Heading for the hatch, he peered inside and asked, "Crazy? What're ya doin'?"

River was lying on the exam table in the middle of the room, perfectly still and perfectly awake. Her eyes stared at the ceiling above, her body unmoving and Jayne wondered if perhaps she weren't having some type of relapse.

Cautiously, he entered the room and asked again, "River?"

"Guinea pigs have no choice." Her voice was thready as though she were fighting to keep it steady and Jayne felt an uncomfortable tightness form in his chest at the sound. "I have a choice."

"Ya got plenty o' choices," he reassured, not at all sure why he felt the need to pull her back from whatever insane precipice she'd wandered upon. Moving to her side, he tentatively reached for her hand, surprised by how cold she was. "Like now for instance," he continued, pretending not to be affected by her odd state. "You're choosin' to be all morbid an' creepifyin'."

With a heavy sigh that seemed too belabored for her frail form, River rolled her head to the side, regarding him intently. "The truth is not morbid or creepy, Jayne. It simply is."

Yeah, just like you're simply crazy, Jayne wanted to retort, but fought the urge. Tugging gently on the hand he held, he told her, "C'mon, I'll make ya some breakfast. I'm bettin' you ain't 'et since I left."

Rising slowly, River hopped down lightly off the table and headed out the door, seemingly oblivious to how strange her behavior had really seemed or how much it had unnerved the big man. "Your cooking is morbid, however," she shot back at him over her shoulder. "I do not wish to be an experiment for that." Heading up the stairs towards the galley she was out of sight in seconds, leaving a truly baffled mercenary in her wake.

---- ----

Inara awoke to the steady sound of Mal's heartbeat. Smiling softly, she kept her eyes closed, content to listen to the gentle thump-thump for the rest of her days. She had never felt so safe or secure; his arm was still around her shoulders, his other hand clutching the one she had placed across his chest. And she was warm; so warm, she knew her cheeks were probably flushed, but she had no intention of moving.

But even with her eyes closed and her deep-seated desire to maintain the perfection of the moment, Inara remembered the events of the previous night and felt more tears sting her eyes. Vivi was gone, and whether or not Mal had understood all the hateful things Marina had said, Inara's secret was out.

Sniffling, she rubbed her cheek against Mal's chest, trying to get closer, as though there was still an inch of space between them. Her slight movement caused him to stir and with a small sigh he opened his eyes slowly. Catching sight of the dark, curly head of hair splayed out across his chest, he felt the smallest smile creep onto his face. Dropping his lips to her scalp, he whispered, "Mornin', beautiful."

Smiling despite her sadness at his offhanded sweetness, Inara tilted her head back and pressed a long, warm kiss to his cheek. "Good morning," she murmured, resting her forehead in the crook of his neck.

It took Mal a few more minutes to become fully awake and in that time he felt a spectrum of emotions. The first was unbridled happiness that he had awoken with this incredible woman lying tight in his arms. Of course, the joy gave way to panic that he would mess it up which quickly transformed into disbelief that it might all be a dream and then finally swung back to plain old nervousness. Swallowing thickly, he made no move to unwrap his arms from her, but instead cleared his throat …

… And was prevented from saying anything when Inara's finger pressed against his lips. "Please don't," she murmured, her eyes back on his face. Propping herself up on one elbow so she could look into those blue eyes, she said softly, "Please don't tell me you regret this or make some hurtful comment." Caressing his cheek, the feel of his slight stubble under her hand caused her to shiver with delight. "I want-"

"What, bao bei?" Mal reached for the hand against his cheek, kissing it lightly before resting it over his heart. His gaze piercing her with its intensity, he asked again, "What do you want, 'Nara? Tell me."

Swallowing hard, Inara's heart fluttered in her chest. Vivi's words rang through her head, reminding her that keeping her feelings locked away was selfish and cowardly. Closing her eyes, Inara resolved to keep her promise from the night before; she was going to stop pretending.

"I want to keep waking up next to you." The words were soft and a bit shaky, but Mal heard them and his heart leapt in his chest. Slowly, Inara reopened her eyes as she felt his hand curl around the back of her neck, his fingers slipping through her curls. Gently guiding her face to his, Mal could not contain his glee. "That's what I wan' too, 'Nara," he whispered, his breath warm against her mouth.

Surrendering to the undeniable emotion she felt, Inara sank into his embrace and kissed him hungrily. She possessed his mouth with her own, her tongue and lips seeking to find solace and comfort in his. Moving her hands to his face, Inara cradled both cheeks in her hands, moaning softly when Mal's strong arms encircled her and he rolled her over, pressing her back into the soft mattress.

His warm, bare skin was pressed against her now and Inara craved the sensation. Running her hands down his muscled back, she caressed every inch of skin she could find, amazed at how good it felt. She had never been with a man she loved before and she found the experience more than a little overwhelming.

Mal's lips trailed from her mouth down her neck, his light stubble scratching a line down her smooth skin. Trembling from the sensation, Inara actually cried out as his lips and teeth closed over a sweet spot on her neck and lavished it with attention. With skill, Mal bathed the area with his tongue, tasting the incredible mixture of perfume, incense and Inara and then sucked on the flesh, knowing he would leave a mark.

As Inara's hands dug into his shoulders due to the incredible sensations he was causing within her, Mal allowed one hand to drift over her thin nightgown, cupping her breast in his hand and pinching her nipple between his fingers. When she mewled again, this time a deep and throaty sound, he felt his own arousal stiffen, and groaned in response.

Panting, Inara felt every inch of him as he continued his ministrations. She wanted to feel more; she desperately wanted Mal to make love to her, to fill her completely and push her into a state of pure ecstasy before she did the same for him. But it was all too much, too fast and without much warning, Inara heard a sob escape her lips and whimpered when the noise pulled Mal's mouth from her skin.

His eyes dark with desire now lighted with a hint of concern as he pulled away to see tears again running down her face. "Bao bei?" he whispered, turning her face back to him so he could look into her eyes. "Did I hurt ya?" he asked, fear consuming him.

Shaking her head, Inara fought to rein in her emotions and found the effort completely useless. "No, no," she murmured, running a light hand over his shoulder and down his chest to his heart. "I just … I …" The words again died in her throat and Inara felt overwhelming grief and fear grip her.

Turning away from him, Inara rolled onto her side, her face buried in her pillow as more tears came. Mal let her go still a bit baffled until, like a heel, he remembered why they were on Sihnon in the first place.

Silently cursing himself for his stupidity and his animalistic behavior, Mal spooned himself against her and murmured, "I am an idiot." When Inara only continued to sob, he wrapped an arm around her waist and held her close. "M'sorry, 'Nara. It weren't the right time an' I never shoulda-"

"Don't, Mal, please." Her plea stole the rest of his apology and he waited as she rolled around to face him. "I want you," she whispered, the words hitching in her throat as another sob caught them. "I do, so badly, but I just … Not right now," she finished in a whisper, more tears falling.

"I know, 'Nara. I'm sorry, I jus' …" Mal brushed some of her curls behind her ear, resting his hand against her shoulder and Inara felt the heat from his palm radiating through her. "Well, you're so gorram beautiful, I jus' got a mite carried away."

Smiling weakly, Inara brushed a kiss to his mouth and then whispered, "Can you just hold me?"

The pure vulnerability in her voice and the look of pain in her eyes tugged at Mal's heart in ways he never would have suspected. Wordlessly, he wrapped his arm around her waist and held her tight, thanking a God he no longer believed in for Inara's presence in his life.

---- ----

"Kaylee, let me take a look, please."

"No, Simon. It ain't nothing."

With a frustrated sigh, Simon followed her hurriedly up the ship's open ramp, more than confused by her reaction. As they'd left the hotel she had been practically glued to his side and Simon had felt the small tremors of fear that raced through her due to her encounter with that hun dan.

But the closer they'd gotten to the ship, the more distant she'd become until she was rushing ahead of him and refusing to let him treat what he assumed was a sprained wrist.

Catching up with her in the middle of the cool bay, he reached for her other hand and spun her around. "Kaylee, please." Taking a step closer, Simon rested his hands lightly on her shoulders, wishing she would look at him. "I just want to be sure you're all right."

"I'm shiny, Simon," she muttered and then turned away hurrying from the room.

About to follow and demand some answers, Simon's path was blocked by his wisp of a sister. Frowning at her, he was about to order her out of his way, when she cocked her head to the side and said, "Old friends don't forget."

"What?" he questioned, wishing he had the patience to decipher his sister's words. "Riv-"

"Simon?"

The sound of a deep and familiar male voice set Simon on edge. Eyes wide and heart racing, he turned slowly on his heel to take in the visitor and found his head swimming as recognition came. Taking a hesitant step forward, he breathed, "Mica?"

Grinning, his old friend walked forward and hugged him quickly, clapping him soundly on the back before releasing him. "Tam, I can't believe it's you," he said jovially, eyes shining with mirth and disbelief. "How've you been?"

Frowning, Simon decided to lie and said, "Just fine. And you?"

Nodding once, the man surveyed his surroundings, answering absentmindedly, "Good. Good." Seeming to finally realize how out of place his old friend was on such a ship, Mica looked back to Simon and asked, "What in the hell are you doing on this scrap heap?"

Instantly defensive, Simon bit out, "It's not a heap, Mica. It's my home." Glancing over his shoulder, he saw his sister hovering in a shadow and added, "It's our home."

Following his gaze, Mica's breath caught in his throat. "Is that River?" he asked quietly, stepping around Simon and approaching her hiding spot as a hunter might approach his prey. Reaching out a hand, palm up, he beckoned, "River, don't you remember me?"

"Memory serves, doesn't forget." Her voice was disembodied as she sunk further into the dark crevice. "Cutting and probing, testing."

Even more on edge at her choice of words, Simon stepped between Mica and his sister and asked, "Listen, it's not that I'm not happy to see you, but what are you doing here?"

Forcing his gaze away from River's trembling form, the other man smiled again and this time Simon caught the tension in his eyes. "I caught sight of you and your lady friend back at the hotel." As Simon cringed at the memory Mica assured, "Trust me, I would have pummeled him a good deal harder than you did."

Resting a hand to Simon's shoulder as he recovered from his embarrassment, Mica steered him back towards the center of the cargo bay, throwing a cursory glance back to River in the process. Lowering his voice, he confided, "Listen, Simon, I've heard the stories. About Miranda and the Alliance." Again glancing in River's direction, he added quietly, "About what they did to her. What she can do."

Simon's throat constricted as his own memories of what had been done to his baby sister came rushing to the surface. Focusing back on his friend, he felt the air rush from his lungs as Mica asked, "Is it true?"

Wondering why he was so curious, Simon answered guardedly, "Some of it is, most of it, really." Furrowing his brown, Simon again positioned himself between Mica and River, uncomfortable with the thought that his old friend was so close. "Why?"

His voice lowering even more, Mica began to explain, his eyes lighting with an excitement that Simon recognized as professional pride. "Since you left Osiris, I've made great leaps in my research."

Simon's mind struggled to remember just what his friend's area of interest had been and felt his heart thud sharply against his ribcage when he remembered – neuroscience. Unheeded by his friend's pale countenance, Mica continued, "I've learned staggering things about the human brain and how it works."

Stepping back towards where River was still hiding, he whispered, "But there's so much more to learn." Looking back at Simon, he admitted, "If even half of what I've heard about River is true, then she could be the key to finally unlocking the secrets of the human brain."

Fists clenching at his sides, Simon asked evenly, "What do you want, Mike?"

Looking to him, eyes shining with the thought of success, he said, "To study her, Simon. If I took River back to Osiris, back to the hospital, there are things-"

"No!"

With a graceful leap, River had ascended upon them, kicking out towards Mica and causing him to stumble backward or suffer her foot in his solar plexus. Eyes blazing with anger, she approached him, growling, "Not going back. Not a guinea pig."

"I just want to help. We can help each other." Mica's voice was almost desperate now as he watched the young girl whom he'd seen dance with the grace of an angel advance on him with the fury of a hornet's nest. "If I can understand you then-"

"No one can understand," River ground out, blocking out the shock of pain she felt from Simon at her words. Her poor brother; he wanted to believe he could understand, that he could fix it. But it was not meant to be. Humpty Dumpty had had a great fall and all the king's horses and all of Simon's drugs could not put her back together again. "Broken beyond repair."

Eyes still filled with determination, she whispered vehemently, "No more needles, no more tests." Backing up once, she looked to Simon with a pure plea in her eyes, one that made his heart hurt, before rushing up the closest set of metal stairs and fleeing the room, the sound of her echoing footsteps all that was left of her.

Mica watched her go, his heart falling as he realized he'd just lost his only chance at truly completing his life's work. Simon watched her go, his heart breaking as he realized he would never again have back the sister he'd grown up with.

The two men stood in a stunned silence, before Simon finally said, "I think you'd better go."

Looking to him quickly, Mica said nothing, but simply headed for the ramp while Simon watched another piece of his old life leave him behind.

---- ----

Simon made sure the ship was locked up good and tight, his encounter with Mica shaking him more than he wanted to admit, before heading towards his bunk. Dumping his and Kaylee's bag into the empty room, he released a sigh. Although he was tired, he couldn't bear the thought of lying in his bunk alone; he wanted Kaylee, wanted to be sure she was all right.

Turning out of the passenger dorms, he almost headed straight for the engine room, assuming that's where she'd be when something told him to stop by the infirmary. Going for his bag, as he hoped Kaylee would let him take a look at that wrist, he froze in the doorway as his eyes set upon her.

She was still shaking a bit, cradling her injured hand to her chest and sniffling lightly. Feet swinging off the edge of the exam table, she turned to face him as she heard his sharp intake of breath. Smiling weakly, she murmured, "It hurts," gesturing to her wrist.

Returning her smile with a sympathetic one of his own, Simon moved to her side quickly, pressing a light kiss to her forehead before gently taking her hand in his. Turning it over, he tried to pull lightly on her fingers, and stopped when he heard Kaylee wince. Muttering an apology, Simon turned the wrist, noting the way Kaylee's body tensed as he pushed it too far.

Holding their palms together, he looked in her green eyes and felt the breath rush out of his lungs. The look of sadness in her features made his heart and head ache. Swallowing back his impulse to hold her and never let go, Simon said quietly, "I want you to push against my hand as hard as you can, all right?"

She nodded once, biting her lower lip as she obeyed his order, crying out softly as the effort finally made her wrist throb. "Okay, okay," Simon whispered, gently placing her hand in her lap before moving to get a bandage.

Returning to her side, he sat on the stool and began to wrap her wrist saying, "It's just a mild sprain. In a few days, it should be fine."

She watched him in silence, her heart touched by the gentle way he cared for her, by the look of compassion in his gaze. It was one of the main things Kaylee loved about him, his capacity to love. Despite all Simon knew of the 'verse, despite everything that had happened to his sister, his heart had not hardened or shriveled, it had simply grown a bit wary, choosing those it would love with a critical eye and Kaylee was honored to know she was a part of that inner sanctum.

As his eyes remained focused on his work, a question that had been bothering her since the hotel fell from her lips. "Do I really look like that?"

Looking up to her, Simon asked softly, "Shenme?"

Swallowing thickly, she couldn't look into those deep blue eyes, her shame overwhelming her. "Do I really look like a jian huo?"

Simon's mouth fell open as her question left him speechless and Kaylee feared his response. Interpreting his hesitation as confirmation, she said hurriedly, "I know I sometimes act a mite too excited an' I can get awful worked up, but I ain't really like that." Her eyes finally meeting his, she pleaded, "You know that, right? I ain't some-"

Simon propelled himself to his feet, kissing her firmly and swallowing the rest of her words. Kaylee leaned into him, sighing into his mouth as his kiss grew more passionate. Winding her good hand around his neck and into his hair, she lazily traced her tongue along his lower lip and Simon's lips parted easily, their breaths mingling, the taste and feel of Simon overwhelming her.

Forced to part for air, Kaylee rested her forehead to his cheek and forced back a sob. "I really ain't like that," she murmured.

"Of course not," Simon assured. Tracing her ear with his finger, Simon's hands rested against her cheeks and he pulled her back slightly so he could again meet her gaze. Studying every inch of her and again wondering how he could ever have gotten so lucky to have her, Simon said softly, "You are the most beautiful, caring, loving and amazing woman I have ever known." A lone tear leaked down her cheek at his words and Simon caught it deftly with the pad of his thumb.

"That hun dan at the hotel made an assumption he had no right to make," Simon told her firmly. "Wo ai ni, Kaylee," he murmured, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips before sitting back on the stool and finishing his wrapping, his eyes never leaving hers.

Waiting until he was done, Kaylee slid off the exam table and into Simon's lap, her arms wrapping firmly around his neck and her face buried into his shoulder. Simon held her tightly, one hand cradling the back of her head while the other rubbed small, soothing circles along her back. "Meili Kaylee," he murmured against her ear, pressing soft kisses to her cheek and hair. "There aren't words to describe how much I love you," he added with a sigh, squeezing her tight.

Releasing a sigh of her own, Kaylee tightened her hold on him and whispered against his neck, "I love you, Simon. I ain't never loved anybody as much as I love you."

Smiling softly at her words, Simon was about to offer her another reassurance, when the sound of a throat clearing interrupted them. Turning towards the door, they were met with one of Jayne's annoyed scowls. "'Nara's ma passed," he told them gruffly, immediately noting the tears that welled in Kaylee's eyes. "We got a funeral to go ta."

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	10. Chapter 10

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Chapter 10

---- ----

By the time they'd assembled in the small cemetery behind the estate, it was misting lightly. Inara's curls were damp and heavy as the water soaked into them. It was cold too, colder than she ever remembered it being on Sihnon and so she reached for Mal's hand, soaking up the warmth from his palm as he wrapped his fingers around hers and tugged her gently into his side. Inara went easily, resting her head against his shoulder as the minister said his words.

Marina and her husband and their two children were there – Raquel and a little boy, probably no more than three. Laura and her husband were there as well, their small son, Charles, absent due to his age. Colin stood on Inara's other side, his hands clasped firmly in front of him. She risked a few glances to him occasionally, noting the tautness of his features and knowing he was trying not to cry.

The rest of the crew had come as well. River stood beside Jayne while Kaylee stood next to Simon, leaning heavily against him. Shelby had arrived as well, along with other family friends Inara recognized. She had greeted them as politely as possible, standing in a receiving line with her siblings, not missing the disdainful looks Marina and Laura threw her way every time someone welcomed her back to Sihnon.

The service wasn't long which was good; as the sun sank below the horizon, the rain picked up and the wind blew stronger causing everyone to shiver a bit. The servants had prepared an incredible dinner and as Vivi's casket was lowered into the ground the mourners quietly dispersed. Inara watched them go, hugging Kaylee and River tightly to her before ushering them inside, smiling softly to both Jayne and Simon as they offered their condolences. Colin tried to get her to follow him inside, but she couldn't do it, not yet. And so he left without her, giving Mal a nod that the other man understood perfectly; it said, take care of her, and Mal had every intention of doing just that.

He watched her carefully as she moved towards Vivi's open grave and threw a rose onto the casket. He watched as she knelt next to the pile of displaced dirt and sunk her hand into its wetness. Straightening, Inara opened her hand again and let the clumps of wet ground fall into the opening as well, watching with unfocused eyes as it slid away.

Once again empty the now dirty hand fell back to Inara's side and she stood there, staring at nothing. Mal kept his distance, guessing that Inara would let him know when she needed him, but as the minutes passed and he watched her lips turn blue from the cold, he decided enough was enough.

Removing his brown coat, he placed the heavy material around her shoulders and hugged her to him. Kissing her temple, he whispered, "Let's go inside, bao bei." When her only response was a heavy sigh, he added, "There's nothin' more you can do here."

Shaking her head once, Inara blinked back a few tears and tilted her chin up to meet his concerned gaze. Pushing a few wet strands of hair off her cheeks, Mal smiled softly, pressing a kiss to her lips. Waiting until they had parted, Inara whispered, "There is something else I need to do."

Stepping away from his warmth and his comfort reluctantly, Inara picked up another rose from the pile at the side of Vivi's grave. Clutching the stem tightly in her fisted hand and ignoring the sting as thorns broke the skin, she walked around Mal to the far side of the small plot and knelt before a tiny rectangular plaque in the ground. Reverently, Inara ran her fingers across it, pushing the grass back that was threatening to hide it from view before gently laying the rose upon it.

Mal followed her, squinting in the dim light of the garden lamps to make out the writing on this grave marker. He could only make out the initials A.L. and while it meant nothing to him, he could tell by the way Inara's shoulders shook it meant the world to her.

Gently gripping her around the shoulders, he pulled her back to her feet and hugged her to his chest. She was visibly shaking now but whether it was from the cold or grief or both, Mal wasn't certain. Trying to take her back inside, Inara shook her head and stopped, resting a hand to his chest. Meeting his curious gaze, she asked softly, "Why haven't you asked me?"

His brow furrowing with confusion, Mal whispered, "Asked ya what?"

"About what Marina said yesterday," she elaborated, standing as close to him as she could and basking in his warmth.

Shrugging lightly, Mal took the hand she'd rested over his heart and kissed it gently before taking the other and noticing the blood that dotted the surface of her palm. "Ai ya, 'Nara, you're hurt," he exclaimed, reaching into his pocket and producing a handkerchief. Pressing it into her palm, he said firmly, "We're goin' in now, darlin'. You can fight me on it all ya want, but I will carry ya if need be."

Nodding once, she didn't fight him this time as he led her inside. Grateful for the warmth the house provided, Mal glanced into the drawing room where only a few of the mourners were still gathered, his crew among them. Etiquette dictating that she mingle with them, Inara moved towards the room on instinct and Mal stayed close. He watched her as she moved about in a slight haze. She smiled when appropriate, nodded and commented occasionally as a few people engaged her in conversation, but Mal could see through the ruse. He could see her broken heart, could see the heaviness that permeated her bones as the weight of her grief finally sunk in. And it made him want to whisk her from the room, wrap her in his arms and never let go.

An hour later, he was able to do just that. The last of the visitors left, the crew spending the night in the house as Colin and Inara had both offered and Laura and Marina for once had not objected too heartily. Simon asked Inara if she wanted a smoother to help her sleep, but with a kind smile she told him no and bid her friends good night before allowing Mal to lead her back to her room.

In silence he guided her to the bed and cleaned the small cuts on her palm from where she had gripped the flower too tight. She did not look at him as he worked, her big brown eyes still devoid of much in the way of recognition or understanding. However, she kept shivering, her hair still damp from the rain and Mal knew she'd catch her death if he didn't do something.

Lighting first a fire in the room's hearth, he moved quickly from the room and grabbed a few things of his own from across the hall. Heading back inside, he was surprised to find Inara sitting on the floor before the fire, the blanket from the bed wrapped around her shoulders firmly. Her gaze lost in the flames, Mal took time to grab a towel to dry her hair and her pajamas from the bed.

Sitting beside her, he said softly, "C'mon, 'Nara, we gotta get ya outta that wet dress."

Not looking at him, she murmured, "I'm so cold."

Rubbing her upper arms with his hands to generate a bit of heat, he told her, "I know, bao bei, that's why you gotta change."

Glancing to the thin silk nightgown he offered her, she said, "That'll make it worse."

Mal was in total agreement with that statement, but he wasn't too sure what other options they had. An idea dawning, one he had, in truth, thought on before, Mal went back to his bag and grabbed one of his shirts. Returning to her side, he held it before her. "This better?"

Looking to the worn and faded blue fabric and then back to Mal, he saw gratitude and acceptance shining in her eyes. Nodding once, she shrugged out of the blanket and slowly moved to unbutton her dress. Mal left the shirt beside her and turned away, wanting to give her privacy. Of course, he really wanted to watch her too, his desire for her not at all cooled, but he wasn't an animal. While Mal knew that one day, hopefully soon, he and Inara would cross that final divide between them and sleep together, he also knew it wouldn't be tonight. And that was just fine, he wanted to help her and if that meant holding her and keeping her warm and safe, than that's what he'd do.

Inara slid Mal's shirt over her shoulders. The fabric was so soft, so comforting that she immediately felt her face flush with the familiarity of the garment. Burying her nose in the collar she inhaled deeply and smelled Mal. With a sigh, she told him, "I'm done."

Turning back to her, Mal moved to towel off her hair a bit. Pressing a kiss to her temple, he whispered, "Ready for bed?"

Murmuring a yes, Mal smiled softly before lifting her easily into his arms and carrying her to the soft mattress just a few feet away. As he tucked her in, Inara reached for his hand. "You're not going to leave, are you?"

Shaking his head, he said quietly, "Not unless you want me too."

She squeezed his hand by way of an answer and Mal smiled at her softly before rounding the bed. Kicking off his boots and socks, he pulled off his shirt and trousers, leaving on only his boxers before sliding in beside her. Inara rolled against him immediately, her body's supple curves molding perfectly against him.

Mal held her close, listening to her breathing, waiting for it to even out so he'd know she was asleep. But as the rain outside pelted against the windows and the distant rumble of thunder echoed through the room, Inara's breathing became more ragged. Clutching at his shoulder, she tried to burrow into his side and Mal soothed her with a gentle hand through her hair.

"It's jus' a storm, darlin'," he whispered, feeling another violent tremble shake her. "It'll pass soon 'nough."

"She wasn't my mother." Inara blurted the statement out. She felt so vulnerable in this moment, her heart broken by grief, her body trembling from a storm that she should have long ago learned not to fear, the words came unbidden to her lips.

Mal felt curiosity biting at his mind, but he tried to force it down. "Shenme?" he whispered against her forehead, trying to understand.

With a heavy sigh, Inara did not turn to look at him, but instead kept her head resting on his shoulder, her hand making lazy circles along his chest. "Vivi wasn't my mother," she admitted, letting out another sigh. "What Marina said yesterday was true. I am a bastard child."

"I don't rightly believe that," Mal murmured. When she remained quiet, he asked, "You wanna talk about it?"

"The small grave marker outside," she said without preamble. "That's the marker for my biological mother's grave. She died during child birth."

With another sigh, this one of understanding and sympathy, Mal kissed her forehead and murmured, "I'm sorry, 'Nara."

"I never knew her. I only know what Vivi told me about her. I only know that my father slept with her once and it nearly ruined his marriage." Inara found memories springing to mind as she retold the tale; whispered arguments between Vivi and her father, furtive glances between the servants, angry glares from Marina and Laura. "That's why my sisters hate me. They blame me for our parents' unhappiness."

"You din't have nothin' to do with that," Mal reminded her. He guessed that she had probably figured this all out for herself a long time ago, but given the circumstances, he figured she could probably stand to hear it again. "You was jus' an innocent lil' baby."

"Tell that to Marina," she muttered bitterly. Sighing, Inara murmured, "It shouldn't matter, not anymore, but it does." Pausing, she added as an afterthought, "It matters to the Guild."

"Shenme?"

Lifting her head from his chest, Inara finally met Mal's eyes. They shone almost purple when mixed from the light of the fire and she smiled softly to him, touched by his care for her and the concern she felt radiating off of him. Her fingertips resting against his chin, she murmured, "I've told you everything else. I guess I might as well tell you this too."

Closing her eyes for a moment, when Inara reopened them they were still full of her immense sadness, but also resignation. "The reason I left Sihnon and sought out passage on Serenity is because of my lineage." As Mal's confused expression didn't change, she elaborated, "Shelby, who is now the high priestess was, is, very competitive. I guess we were rivals, although I never saw it that way." Shaking her head once to clear the tangent, she continued. "Somehow, she found out that I was born out of wedlock and she threatened to tell the Guild if I didn't leave Sihnon and withdraw my name from the running for high priestess."

Propping himself up on his elbows, Mal was still trying to puzzle it out. "I don't get it. What's the Guild care who your folks are?"

"Being a Companion isn't for everyone, Mal, literally. The Guild has very strict rules about lineage and parentage that have to be fulfilled in order to even be considered for admittance." Shrugging lightly, Inara rolled onto her back and studied the ceiling. "When Shelby confronted me, I knew I couldn't fight her. Father was dead by then, but the disgrace it would have brought to Vivi and Colin." Resting a hand against her eyes, she murmured, "I couldn't do that to them. It wouldn't have been fair."

"So you left," Mal commented, rolling onto his side and propping his head on his bent arm.

Nodding once, Inara took a deep breath and then turned to look at him. With a weak smile, she said, "Well, there you have it. All the sordid details of my colorful past." Glancing over his shoulder towards the door, she muttered, "If you want to run, now's your chance."

Leaning over her, Mal captured her mouth in a kiss, a light one that brought their lips together and not much else. Holding the touch for seconds, when Mal pulled away, he whispered, "I dun' told ya, 'Nara. I'm through runnin' from you. All that go se don't mean anythin'. All that matters to me is that I love you."

Inara's breath hitched in her throat as she read the sincerity and compassion in his eyes, as she heard the caring tone of his voice, as she felt his gentle touch against her forehead. Rolling over to face him, Mal dropped his head down to the pillow so they were level with each other and stared at Inara as she stared at him.

Drawing her face closer to his, Inara paused just as their lips were about to meet and breathed, "I love you too, Mal. I have for so long." And then she crossed that imperceptible distance between them and kissed him.

It was a long kiss, full of pent-up emotions and desires. Inara's hands easily found their way around his neck as Mal's worked up her back and fisted into her hair. They kept kissing, tongues and mouths meeting until they were forced to part for air and then they would kiss again. Mal gently rolled Inara onto her back, pressing her into the mattress as he had before, his hands exploring her soft and smooth skin.

Leaning away, he gazed into her beautiful and shining eyes, noting the way his shirt hung down off one shoulder. Her hair splayed about the pillow like a fan and the small pants of longing that puffed past her lips were all manner of sexy. Bringing his lips to her neck and sucking the flesh there, he murmured, "You look mighty fine in that shirt o' mine, darlin'."

Giggling softly, Inara's fingers twirled the hair at the base of his scalp as she told him, "Good, because you're not getting it back."

Mal chuckled back and Inara felt desire pool between her legs as the deep-throated sound vibrated against her skin. Pulling him more tightly against her, Inara brought her lips to his ear and whispered, "Mal, I want you."

He paused, wishing that her breathy whisper hadn't just caused him to stiffen like a board. Trailing a few small kisses up her neck and to her mouth, he told her softly, "Not t'night, 'Nara. It ain't right."

Holding his face in her hands, she said quietly, "Mal, I want to celebrate life, my new life with you." Kissing him softly, she whispered against his mouth, "Make love to me, Mal."

Groaning, Mal knew he would lose this battle and he guessed that he would not care. Using the last shred of self-restraint he possessed, he looked down at her and asked, "You ain't gonna hate me in the mornin'?"

Her eyebrows rising and her lips quirking, she said demurely, "Well, that depends on whether or not you're any good."

And with a low growl and deep kiss, Mal set about to demonstrating to Inara just how good he truly was, but more importantly, how good they could be together.

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End file.
